Can’t decide if I want another

[brokertom]

Hello,
Long story short my sister is pregnant with her first and it thrust me into a baby fever— I have a 3 year old girl, my hubby wants another baby really badly. I honestly had a good pregnancy, my 3 year old is in preschool M-F, and I have Great family support, my parents babysit, my grandparents babysit and my sister we all live close by and hangout every week. So I’m in college now and work, (finances are good though) and I also have a genetic mutation that could be passed down to my child (50/50 chance) so I was planning on having preventative surgery in a year or so.
I’m super open to adoption but not to having my own kid from my body, I know I have more love to give and I am constantly wanting more animals to give love to LOL.
My toddler is crazy and she has never slept through the night. I feel like I have so many cons and pros I just can’t decide
Who else went from being one and done to two? Or is it my sister being pregnant that’s making me think about all this

 

[paulgilldrums]

@brokertom Info- have you done the research on adoption, and specifically infant adoption if that’s what you (or your husband, since you said he wants a baby) want, for your country? In the US, it can take tens of thousands of dollars, years of waiting, and having the biological mom change their mind last minute and keep the baby after birth- sometimes with multiple biological moms doing this to one prospective parent. There are no guarantees you’ll get a child even after all the time and money. Adoption of an infant is a long, expensive process and not for the faint of heart. Adoption of older children is a long, less expensive process and also not for the faint of heart. Some adoption agencies will advise that your existing children remain the oldest in the family and encourage you to only adopt children younger than them, which may limit your options if you go that way. I say all this as someone who went through infertility and pursued adoption, and have family members who have recently adopted children.

Also just a question- would the parents and grandparents still be alright babysitting at the same frequency once your sister’s baby comes along? If so, would that change if you introduced a third child into the mix?

 

[brokertom]

@paulgilldrums I would actually prefer to adopt an older child not an Infant, it seems super confusing and difficult with the research I’ve done, I’m not sure what the income requirements are for California since I’m a student but I get an abundance of financial aid and my hubby works full time and is also a student (we both do online) and he gets a veterans allowance of $2800 a month but it doesn’t always count as “income”
What state did you adopt in?

 

[mvb552]

@brokertom Sounds like you have more pros than cons! But I guess the most important question is whether you really want to raise another kid, not just have another little baby to squeeze.

And I’m sure you’ve considered this, but if you just wanted to avoid passing on the genetic condition, but actually wanted to get pregnant again, you could do embryo adoption.

 

[brokertom]

@mvb552 Thank you I’ve actually never heard of that!
My child will have a 50-50 chance of having the mutation which is a mutation causing increased risks of breast cancer and other cancers so I’m gonna have to check that out

 

[myownmynativeland]

@brokertom Yeah! It’s pretty much IVF only you don’t have to do the egg retrieval.

 

[mvb552]

@myownmynativeland Yes! I’ve done IVF for both my kids and the transfer is way easier than the retrieval. Just a lot of appointments and can be an emotional rollercoaster.

 

[praynmama]

@brokertom Totally agree with the commentator who suggested doing research on adoption!