Both of us work, but we have no after school childcare. How do you guys do it?

[dishfarmer]

@amyers3 With 1 kid, schedule is blocked for preschool drop off and pickup, usually WFH so no commute and it’s close, and it’s similar to what you’ve got here for my 5 year old. Get work in early or in evening if I can’t get through what I need in the day, flip flop who does pick up based on meetings or other commitments, days with dance or swim usually hustling there post school.

So yeah even with 1 we do it a lot like you which isn’t exactly fun always but gets the job done. Next year she’ll be in full time kindergarten which will be a bit more time, but before and after school work are probably going to remain being “flexed” much of the time and just leaving me to catch up later or get a LOT done during the day proper. The flip side is with bad ADHD time management I realize I’ve kind of always gotten my job done in less than 40 clock hours if that makes sense.

 

[amyers3]

@dishfarmer I feel you on this one. My ADHD/burnout brain means that I can't make good use of the little time I do have to do real work. Luckily my boss is a family man and has sympathy for my situation, but that good will may run out at some point.

 

[dishfarmer]

@amyers3 Funny enough it’s almost the opposite, like I realized that even going into an office full time before a kid, realistically 80% of my work got done in 40% of the time I spent, so I have a confidence that I can get my job done with tighter time constraints it’s just… getting to make use of that time, as you said.

But also I partly have stayed at my job knowing that means I have a fair amount of “cred” with my bosses and coworkers to be trusted to get my shit done whatever hours I need to etc. I’ve definitely also leaned into where I can make a visible impact in shorter time windows, usually helping people with problems or doing quick debug/bug triage.

 

[thedeconverter]

@amyers3 this is the toughest thing. it feels like you need to be really good at your role before becoming a parent so that you can have some leeway and can get done things faster. Also struggle with ADHD/burnout and struggle a lot. i keep signing up for classes to learn my role better but there just isn’t any time if i want to be a present dad and partner. i feel screwed for not having a better grasp of my job prior to becoming a dad.

 

[wov69]

@amyers3 Only have 1 kid, but our local daycare does offer after-school care, which we use. Might be able to stop using it by next school year as my job is pretty flexible. I could easily have the bus drop my son off at my workplace and just stick him in a spare office to play quietly for awhile til Im done with work.

That said, the evening you listed is roughly the same for us (usually everybody home by 5), though we only have the kid bathe every other day-ish, obviously depending on how dirty he got.

5-530 unwind from work/ screen time

530-615 dinner prep/ homework time

after dinner til 8pm is family time (board games/ video games/ movie), kid bath time, and sometimes laundry if we are watching a movie

Kid in bed w story read and prayers by 815ish.

815- bedtime (10-1130ish) is clean up, wife bath/shower, grown up hang out time

 

[amyers3]

@wov69 If we could swing the afterschool childcare I could live with something like this. I'd rather have less time with my kids that's higher quality than more time where I'm stressed and not really giving them much attention.

 

[andreper]

@amyers3 Most white collar professionals are gonna be this way. I am the same way, I do new product development in a factory so from 930-330 I am in the plant doing whatever needs to be done, but then do emails and any desk work after the kids (7M, 2M) are done with the day, usually another 2 ish hours as needed.

It’s rough because my wife is a nurse so 3 days a week I get to play single dad as she’s gone from 630 to 730. We have my mom over once or twice a week to help me for a couple hours and that is a life saver right now.

But yeah mostly it just fuckin sucks.

 

[idkusername]

@amyers3 I mean yeah it sucks. I’m a single dad, so I do all of it on my own. I think all you can really do is accept it and find peace

 

[iambrandonheat]

@amyers3 As a society, we've shifted over 30 years to basically expect (and financially require) both parents to work. However, society is failing to provide the institutions to really make this feasible (free childcare in some form or another). It's a house of cards that's going to, at best, completely burn out our generation and every generation until something is done.

 

[thedeconverter]

@iambrandonheat unfortunately, nothing will change. it’s the same thing that’s happened in the workforce over the decades. you need to do more with less and be grateful for it. speaking from a USA perspective.

 

[katrina2017]

@amyers3 We work different shifts. She works days while I'm at home with the kids and helping my oldest with online school. When my wife gets home I head into my office and work through the night.

 

[thedeconverter]

@katrina2017 when do you sleep? what kind of role do you have that allows you to sleep through the night?

 

[laluzdelaverdad]

@amyers3 Mostly the same as my schedule, my kids are 7 and 8 and I do have after school child care.

6-630: Up, breakfast, ready for work
630-7 kid breakfast, ready for school.
7-8 drive to school, drop kids, drive to work
8-5, work
5-6, drive to school, pick up kids from extended day program, drive home
6-7, cook and eat dinner
7-8, spend a little time with the kids, bath time, and cleanup dinner
8-9 wind down for bed, a little prep for me,t day

9-10, whatever daily chores need doing
10 bedtime, except I still need to shower, and nothing is done yet and I end up not getting to bed until 11-12 most days.

 

[vierentwintig]

@amyers3 We suck it up and pay for aftercare.

We found another mom at our daughter’s school who watches kids in her home. Our kids are in the same grade. They take the bus home together to her house and she watches our daughter until we get off work, we pay her a weekly rate.

In the mornings we carpool with another family in our neighborhood because we have kids at the same elementary and daycare. They drive the boys to daycare and I drive the girls to elementary, and I watch their daughter for 30 minutes in the morning before we leave because they have to be at work early. We got lucky with this setup.

 

[amyers3]

@vierentwintig Man, kudos to you for making this work. We tried negotiating a setup like this with another family but they just ended up wanting to shell out for full time care for after school, but they only have 1 so it's understandable.

 

[vierentwintig]

@amyers3 Oh it has not been easy. Our daughter got kicked out of both the aftercares in town before we found in-home care. Places around here are not very accommodating to kids with any sort of special needs unfortunately.

 

[emmar1121]

@amyers3 Effing terribly! That’s kind of similar to our schedule. Add in driving kid to various activities. We’ve been looking for childcare for 2 years, and we still have nobody.

At this point I’ve just mentally given up on getting childcare. Just waiting for kid to be old enough to be a latchkey kid.

 

[jazzz]

@amyers3 I am so tired...

 

[ssuperq611]

@amyers3 Replying now at 2 in the morning since this is my 10 mins of free time before bed Something that hasn't been mentioned yet is we do all our meal prep on weekends and spend $$$ on ready made food. We have no hobbies. I haven't gone to the gym or worked on my project car at all in the past four years. It sucks but no regrets. Hang in there bud