Both of us work, but we have no after school childcare. How do you guys do it?

A

amyers3

New member
Greetings daddits,

New to the sub. I doubt this question has a satisfying answer, but if nothing else I'm curious on how others are dealing with it:

My wife and I both work "full time". I have that in quotes b/c though my wife actually works full time as a teacher, I only sort of work full time. I have a flexible job where I can set my own schedule and do a lot of stuff remotely.

We have 3 kids: 7, 5, and 1.5. We can only afford childcare for the toddler (full time while my wife works) and a bit for the kinder (paying way too much to make the bs half-day kinder last the full school day). The 2nd grader has no childcare.

Here's my schedule:

6-7: Wake, get ready, make breakfast for the family. Wife gets baby ready for the day.

7-7:30: Breakfast

7:30-8: Get kids ready for school. Wife takes toddler on her commute at 8 and drops her at daycare on the way

8-8:30: School drop-off for the big kids. Try and head straight to work after.

8:45-2: Work

2-2:40: Pack up, pick up big kids, come home.

2:40 - 4: Snack up big kids, oldest showers, clean up kitchen and do some light dinner prep. Hang out with big kids during any amount of downtime in this block.

4 - 5: Wife arrives home with toddler. Watch toddler while big kids have screen time. Wife exercises and showers. Make dinner during this time on Wednesdays so there's leftovers to get us to the weekend.

5-5:30: Dinner prep/set table (reheat leftovers or finish making new meal). Toddler gets screentime, oldest practices piano, middle child bathes.

5:30-6: Dinner

6-7:30 - Clean up kitchen, wife bathes toddler, read to big kids/have them practice reading. One parent watches toddler while big kids read.

7:30-8:30 - Wife and I rotate through tucking in all 3 kids.

8:30-9:30 - 1 hour of downtime sometimes sacrificed to get extra work done. Either do some quick gaming or hang out with my wife so we're more than just roommates.

9:30-11 - Last bit of cleaning up/turning down house for the evening. Shower/personal hygiene time.

11-6: Sleep, assuming I get to bed on time.

This doesn't seem sustainable in the long term, but do parents with full time after school care really cram everything into a 2-3 hour window after getting their kids home? How do you all do it if you do at all? I feel like I'm constantly treading water and trying to bide my time until 2 out of the 3 kids are latch key.

EDIT: Many thanks to all who replied. I didn't expect to get as many responses as I did, so I'm grateful for everyone chiming in. I said it on some of my replies, but this was exactly what I was after. My situation is definitely not how I was raised (we rocked the SAHM regime until we were old enough to be latchkey) and I've got no frame of reference for how other people were doing it. It helps to know that our situation isn't totally uncommon. Mistakes were definitely made with respect to housing and employment decisions, so I'm aware that a lot of this is a problem of my own making. Still, having an array of experiences and perspectives to read about is super helpful, so thanks once again.
 
@starshinesunshine I was operating under the impression that most people working full time with kids were actually putting in closer to 8 hours a day. Is there a huge population of working parents who are quietly not working full time despite their ostensible titles?
 
@amyers3 I think unless your kids are in full time daycare from 8-5 (e.g.), there is some creative working going on. Unless you are more blue collar and have to be at a work site somewhere. But your after-school routine you described is normal for most people.
 
@amyers3 It’s impossible to be everything to everyone. You need to pick and choose what you want to prioritize. I do my best in all I do but I try harder in some facets of my life. Work will always be there but my kids will be off to school or won’t want to hang when they get older.
 
@amyers3 My understanding is that what you’ve described is basically life until they’re teenagers and can take care of themselves more. Mine are 7 and 9, and I can get an 8 hour day in as we don’t get them until 4-5 from the bus or after school programs, but the rest is pretty similar.
 
@amyers3 Definitely. I work from home, thankfully, but when I have my kiddo I basically have to cram a whole day into the morning, then a few hours after she goes to bed. Shit sucks, but gotta be done
 
@amyers3 I've been over-relying on my mom (in her early 70s) for childcare and it eats me up. She loves the time with them but my three year old is in his terror phase and its really tough for her to keep up. I wish I had other options. It's frustrating and exhausting.
 
@amyers3 "This doesn't seem sustainable in the long term"

Yeah...that's what I keep telling myself too, it will end when they are self-reliant a bit...years down the road lol
 
@amyers3 Same here. Wife is a teacher as well. I changed my schedule this year so I drop the kids at school, but yeah, this is us. My recommendation is that you rope the big kids into helping. They can absolutely do some of the basic chores. “Everybody eats, so everybody cleans” is the mantra in our house. Then after cleanup we eat dessert (Don’t help? No dessert).
 
@noideawhatiamdoing "you want an allowance? Here's your job list. Make sure it's done and I'll make sure you get paid." It works at least as early as 7, ask me how I know.

Mine are elementary aged and their chore list is clean their rooms, clean their bathroom, unload/reload the dishwasher, put away your own laundry (which they help with washing/drying), and help with dinner 1 night a week. $6/week each if you want to negotiate a rate.

We also snake draft chores on weekends when there's a lot to do. They like getting to pick which chores they take and snake draft is inherently fair because it's balanced between choosing first and last.
 
@crteague Oooh, I like the snake-draft idea a lot! We’ve just been allowing a free-for-all, which has led to the youngest claiming the “easier” jobs each time. Might have to switch to that system. Thanks, fellow Dad!
 
@pathfinder98 Yeah, that's my suspicion as well. The obvious answer staring us in the face is that we can't afford to live in a nice town with a good school district with our currently employment setup.
 
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