yourwillnotmine
New member
I lost my mucus plug on Wednesday afternoon and felt a few contractions early Thursday morning. I hadn't had any cervical checks, so I wasn't sure if that meant I was getting close. On Thursday I felt really icky and my blood pressure was higher than normal, so I went to see the doctor just in case and was told that since my appointment on Tuesday I had gained four pounds - - I guessed water weight, since I was so swollen and had been nauseous since the night before. That night I woke up with a weird feeling that I now know was very light contractions, and it kept me up all night. At my BPP Friday morning they said I was having contractions every 2-3 minutes, but I couldn't really feel them. As the day went on and I tried to get some rest, they got stronger, but were still incredibly light. We went on a walk, which didn't do very much. I called our doula to let her know what was going on, since we were heading into the Jewish sabbath and normally we don't use our phones. She said this sounded like the real deal and like it was headed in the right direction, and to call her back when the intensity was a 4/10.
This was the most frustrating part about my labor. Since my contractions were so close together from the very beginning, "intensity" was my only real metric for when it was time to go to the hospital, but I had nothing to compare it to.
I labored all night and my water started leaking somewhere around 2 am. I called the doula back and let her know, and she said again that it seemed like things were moving in the right direction but that I had a long way to go since my contractions didn't sound very painful over the phone. All night and all day my contractions were getting slightly more intense, and though I could sort of nap through them it wasn't exactly restful. By Saturday morning I was getting seriously bored and frustrated, since I felt like nothing was progressing and I couldn't get any rest. It was super cold outside so I didn't want to go for a walk, and I was already exhausted. I kept trying to eat to keep my energy up, but I would get nauseous from pretty much anything. I called the doula at 3ish, begging her to send me to the hospital. I felt like I had been in labor forever and nothing was happening except I was getting more and more tired. She reiterated that she didn't think it was time, but told me to call her back at 6 and we would reassess. My husband finally got me to lay down for a nap, and at 4:30 I shifted, felt a pop, and when I got up sure enough my water had fully broken. Since the fluid was totally clear and the baby was still moving, I knew I didn't have to go in right away. I had this dream that after my water broke everything would magically start moving, but nothing really changed. I started walking in circles around our living room, trying to up the intensity of the contractions. I got to the point where I had to breathe through them. I vomited (thought I was in transition--HA!) around six and called the doula--but to my major disappointment she said she still didn't think I was ready. Looking back, though the contractions were painful, they were probably about a 2 on the intensity scale but they felt really strong compared to what I'd been feeling for the past two days. We compromised (since my water had already broken) that if I didn't feel ready before then, we would go at 7 no matter what. I was feeling totally beaten down and discouraged, and had used up all of my emotional energy hours ago. I'm not proud to say that by this point I was basically a whiny mess.
By seven my contractions were definitely stronger (though again I now know they weren't very strong compared to what they would become). We decided to Uber to the hospital since it was still the sabbath (I sat on a gallon size ziplock bag in case the towel I stuck in my pants leaked). My husband (I now know on purpose) took a ridiculously long amount of time packing the last couple of items into our bags, and the Uber took a while to come, so by the time we got to the hospital it was already 8 PM. My contractions slowed a lot in the car, but I was fast tracked through triage since my water had broken and given a room. I requested one with a tub because I had spoken to my provider about laboring in the water. The nurses seemed skeptical, and I know now that I should have paid attention to this. They blew three veins before they successfully got a hep lock in me, but I was allowed to keep hydrating without an IV like I wanted to. In order to be taken off the monitors, I needed a clean reading for twenty minutes, which would earn me forty minutes without monitoring (aka free to move about the cabin). My first reading was clean (no decels) and a resident came in to check my cervix. I was hoping to hear any number above 5, and had read way too many birth stories where someone was "already an 8!" By this point I had been in labor for a day and a half, and my water had been broken for five hours. I was ready to hear my progress.
She felt me at a 3, and manually stretched me to a 3.5. I was devastated. Not only did the stretch hurt like a mother (with no warning), I was barely dilated at all. She looked at the reading and said since my contractions were pretty irregular and my water was broken, she recommended starting pitocin right away if I didn't want a C section. I said I wanted to talk to my doctor first, who was in a c section at the time. They left me alone to have my unmonitored forty minutes.
I wish I could say that I was filled with determination, but really it was my serious fear of pitocin that prompted me to get my butt out of bed and walk the halls. I saw my doctor coming out of someone's room and she was so warm and kind, and encouraged me to keep walking. After forty minutes, my contractions were regular and way more intense. When they hooked me back up to the monitors again I asked to stand, to continue the progress I had been making, but I didn't have such a huge range of motion since any blank time on the monitors would result in me having to start over. By the end of my twenty minutes, they told my the baby had had a decel and I had to stay on until I had had twenty consecutive minutes with no decels. Spoiler alert: this never happened. I stayed on the monitors for the remainder of my labor. According to my nurses, this is what happens to most moms, and this is something I REALLY wish I would have known.
The doctor came in the room and said as long as my contractions were progressing as they clearly were, she saw no reason to put me on pit. I decided that the resident was full of it. She also told the nurses that once I was at a six, I could get in the tub as long as I could get a clean reading.
I waited and waited, hoping to get my clean twenty minutes. Had I known I would never get it, I would have done a lot of different positions, but I was too afraid to mess with whatever data I already had, so I basically stayed in bed, pretty miserable. At around 1:30 I told the nurse that I wanted to try and have a bowel movement. She said that I would have to be checked first, because if I was dilated a certain amount they wouldn't let me. My doctor came in to do the check. After 5 hours, I had dilated from a 3.5 to a 6. Cue more disappointment. My contractions had been very painful, and I was exhausted and not seeing the light. In the last twenty minutes my baby had had 3 decels, so it was becoming clear to everyone that I was not getting in the tub ever. I went to try and have a bm (unsuccessful) and labored on the toilet for 2 or 3 contractions, trying to regain my drive. I complained to my doula (the one person I know who wouldn't take me seriously) that I wanted an epidural. When I made it back to the bed, the next contraction felt different, and by the end I was pushing. I told the nurse, and she reminded me that it had only been ten minutes, but she got a new resident to come in. She checked me and lo and behold, I was now an eight! She told me to try not to push (ha) and she would come back when I felt a stronger urge. Mu doula told her that she would just be back for the next contraction, and the resident shrugged. They started bringing in the trays of equipment and things got real. The nurse told me quietly that I didn't have to try not to push, just not to actively bear down. Sure enough, after the next contraction I was a nine. The doctor told me that I could start pushing now if I wanted to, and after one contraction with pushing I was fully dilated.
Pushing lasted two hours. I went back and forth between being on my knees leaning against the back of the bed, and the "classic" semi reclined position, holding my legs. I was on oxygen in between contractions and time sort of got away from me, I don't remember very much from this part of labor. Towards the end I was making animal noises, and the whole world sort of would go out of focus and come back in when it was time for a contraction. It was a very surreal feeling. I think if it hadn't have lasted as long I would have felt relieved, but I felt again like I was making no progress. Baby was stuck at my pubic bone, and would come down every contraction and then pop right back up. At 4:20 I had a contraction that successfully got the baby to majorly crowning, but her heart rate plummeted and the doctor said I had to get her out on the next contraction. Three pushes later and she was on my stomach. It was immediately clear why she took so long - - she was compound (hand beside her head). Despite this, I had only two extremely small tears that required a stitch each.
After she was born we were able to do skin to skin, but I was bleeding a lot so they pushed pitocin. The bleeding didn't slow down after I delivered the placenta, and after I passed a large clot the doctor decided she needed to do a manual inspection (she put her hand up my vagina, through my cervix, and into my uterus, and felt around). It hurt a lot but I don't really remember it, only the nurse offering to hold my hand since she knew how much it would hurt. They found a very small piece of my placenta still lodged in my uterine wall and pulled it out. My uterus started to clamp down and the bleeding began to slow. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief that I wouldn't need surgery after a successful unmedicated delivery, but it was a tense ten minutes. They watched me pretty carefully for hemorrhage after that, but everything has been normal since.
I really felt bummed at first--even though everything went "to plan" I was so disappointed that birth wasn't some empowering experience, that I was miserable and whining the whole time, and that I couldn't get a handle on my emotions. Even though I'd accomplished what I set out to accomplish (not that women who stray from their birth plan are somehow at fault--absolutely not!) I felt like I'd failed. I talked it over with my doula after, and came to the conclusion that I had used up so much of my emotional energy so early in my labor that I just didn't have any left when I needed it. I couldn't have done anything differently, but I just wished for the first four or five days that everything had gone differently, but then I would feel really really guilty because of course not only was everyone healthy but I "had had the birth I wanted." Two weeks out, this feeling has totally changed. I'm now very proud of the birth I had, even though I didn't handle it like I wanted to. I feel very comfortable with everything that happened, and would do it again, because babies are awesome, and--maybe I'm biased--my baby seems like maybe she's the best?
TIPS
GOOD LUCK! Have your babies! Do the things! I'll see you on the other side, bumpers
This was the most frustrating part about my labor. Since my contractions were so close together from the very beginning, "intensity" was my only real metric for when it was time to go to the hospital, but I had nothing to compare it to.
I labored all night and my water started leaking somewhere around 2 am. I called the doula back and let her know, and she said again that it seemed like things were moving in the right direction but that I had a long way to go since my contractions didn't sound very painful over the phone. All night and all day my contractions were getting slightly more intense, and though I could sort of nap through them it wasn't exactly restful. By Saturday morning I was getting seriously bored and frustrated, since I felt like nothing was progressing and I couldn't get any rest. It was super cold outside so I didn't want to go for a walk, and I was already exhausted. I kept trying to eat to keep my energy up, but I would get nauseous from pretty much anything. I called the doula at 3ish, begging her to send me to the hospital. I felt like I had been in labor forever and nothing was happening except I was getting more and more tired. She reiterated that she didn't think it was time, but told me to call her back at 6 and we would reassess. My husband finally got me to lay down for a nap, and at 4:30 I shifted, felt a pop, and when I got up sure enough my water had fully broken. Since the fluid was totally clear and the baby was still moving, I knew I didn't have to go in right away. I had this dream that after my water broke everything would magically start moving, but nothing really changed. I started walking in circles around our living room, trying to up the intensity of the contractions. I got to the point where I had to breathe through them. I vomited (thought I was in transition--HA!) around six and called the doula--but to my major disappointment she said she still didn't think I was ready. Looking back, though the contractions were painful, they were probably about a 2 on the intensity scale but they felt really strong compared to what I'd been feeling for the past two days. We compromised (since my water had already broken) that if I didn't feel ready before then, we would go at 7 no matter what. I was feeling totally beaten down and discouraged, and had used up all of my emotional energy hours ago. I'm not proud to say that by this point I was basically a whiny mess.
By seven my contractions were definitely stronger (though again I now know they weren't very strong compared to what they would become). We decided to Uber to the hospital since it was still the sabbath (I sat on a gallon size ziplock bag in case the towel I stuck in my pants leaked). My husband (I now know on purpose) took a ridiculously long amount of time packing the last couple of items into our bags, and the Uber took a while to come, so by the time we got to the hospital it was already 8 PM. My contractions slowed a lot in the car, but I was fast tracked through triage since my water had broken and given a room. I requested one with a tub because I had spoken to my provider about laboring in the water. The nurses seemed skeptical, and I know now that I should have paid attention to this. They blew three veins before they successfully got a hep lock in me, but I was allowed to keep hydrating without an IV like I wanted to. In order to be taken off the monitors, I needed a clean reading for twenty minutes, which would earn me forty minutes without monitoring (aka free to move about the cabin). My first reading was clean (no decels) and a resident came in to check my cervix. I was hoping to hear any number above 5, and had read way too many birth stories where someone was "already an 8!" By this point I had been in labor for a day and a half, and my water had been broken for five hours. I was ready to hear my progress.
She felt me at a 3, and manually stretched me to a 3.5. I was devastated. Not only did the stretch hurt like a mother (with no warning), I was barely dilated at all. She looked at the reading and said since my contractions were pretty irregular and my water was broken, she recommended starting pitocin right away if I didn't want a C section. I said I wanted to talk to my doctor first, who was in a c section at the time. They left me alone to have my unmonitored forty minutes.
I wish I could say that I was filled with determination, but really it was my serious fear of pitocin that prompted me to get my butt out of bed and walk the halls. I saw my doctor coming out of someone's room and she was so warm and kind, and encouraged me to keep walking. After forty minutes, my contractions were regular and way more intense. When they hooked me back up to the monitors again I asked to stand, to continue the progress I had been making, but I didn't have such a huge range of motion since any blank time on the monitors would result in me having to start over. By the end of my twenty minutes, they told my the baby had had a decel and I had to stay on until I had had twenty consecutive minutes with no decels. Spoiler alert: this never happened. I stayed on the monitors for the remainder of my labor. According to my nurses, this is what happens to most moms, and this is something I REALLY wish I would have known.
The doctor came in the room and said as long as my contractions were progressing as they clearly were, she saw no reason to put me on pit. I decided that the resident was full of it. She also told the nurses that once I was at a six, I could get in the tub as long as I could get a clean reading.
I waited and waited, hoping to get my clean twenty minutes. Had I known I would never get it, I would have done a lot of different positions, but I was too afraid to mess with whatever data I already had, so I basically stayed in bed, pretty miserable. At around 1:30 I told the nurse that I wanted to try and have a bowel movement. She said that I would have to be checked first, because if I was dilated a certain amount they wouldn't let me. My doctor came in to do the check. After 5 hours, I had dilated from a 3.5 to a 6. Cue more disappointment. My contractions had been very painful, and I was exhausted and not seeing the light. In the last twenty minutes my baby had had 3 decels, so it was becoming clear to everyone that I was not getting in the tub ever. I went to try and have a bm (unsuccessful) and labored on the toilet for 2 or 3 contractions, trying to regain my drive. I complained to my doula (the one person I know who wouldn't take me seriously) that I wanted an epidural. When I made it back to the bed, the next contraction felt different, and by the end I was pushing. I told the nurse, and she reminded me that it had only been ten minutes, but she got a new resident to come in. She checked me and lo and behold, I was now an eight! She told me to try not to push (ha) and she would come back when I felt a stronger urge. Mu doula told her that she would just be back for the next contraction, and the resident shrugged. They started bringing in the trays of equipment and things got real. The nurse told me quietly that I didn't have to try not to push, just not to actively bear down. Sure enough, after the next contraction I was a nine. The doctor told me that I could start pushing now if I wanted to, and after one contraction with pushing I was fully dilated.
Pushing lasted two hours. I went back and forth between being on my knees leaning against the back of the bed, and the "classic" semi reclined position, holding my legs. I was on oxygen in between contractions and time sort of got away from me, I don't remember very much from this part of labor. Towards the end I was making animal noises, and the whole world sort of would go out of focus and come back in when it was time for a contraction. It was a very surreal feeling. I think if it hadn't have lasted as long I would have felt relieved, but I felt again like I was making no progress. Baby was stuck at my pubic bone, and would come down every contraction and then pop right back up. At 4:20 I had a contraction that successfully got the baby to majorly crowning, but her heart rate plummeted and the doctor said I had to get her out on the next contraction. Three pushes later and she was on my stomach. It was immediately clear why she took so long - - she was compound (hand beside her head). Despite this, I had only two extremely small tears that required a stitch each.
After she was born we were able to do skin to skin, but I was bleeding a lot so they pushed pitocin. The bleeding didn't slow down after I delivered the placenta, and after I passed a large clot the doctor decided she needed to do a manual inspection (she put her hand up my vagina, through my cervix, and into my uterus, and felt around). It hurt a lot but I don't really remember it, only the nurse offering to hold my hand since she knew how much it would hurt. They found a very small piece of my placenta still lodged in my uterine wall and pulled it out. My uterus started to clamp down and the bleeding began to slow. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief that I wouldn't need surgery after a successful unmedicated delivery, but it was a tense ten minutes. They watched me pretty carefully for hemorrhage after that, but everything has been normal since.
I really felt bummed at first--even though everything went "to plan" I was so disappointed that birth wasn't some empowering experience, that I was miserable and whining the whole time, and that I couldn't get a handle on my emotions. Even though I'd accomplished what I set out to accomplish (not that women who stray from their birth plan are somehow at fault--absolutely not!) I felt like I'd failed. I talked it over with my doula after, and came to the conclusion that I had used up so much of my emotional energy so early in my labor that I just didn't have any left when I needed it. I couldn't have done anything differently, but I just wished for the first four or five days that everything had gone differently, but then I would feel really really guilty because of course not only was everyone healthy but I "had had the birth I wanted." Two weeks out, this feeling has totally changed. I'm now very proud of the birth I had, even though I didn't handle it like I wanted to. I feel very comfortable with everything that happened, and would do it again, because babies are awesome, and--maybe I'm biased--my baby seems like maybe she's the best?
TIPS
- Lactation consultants are your best friend! My hospital had them and I asked to see them every day, and called when I was having trouble. They were always very happy to help.
- Even if you had a vaginal delivery, consider asking for a belly binder (that they give for c sections). My organs felt weirdly loose right after, and the belly binder helped me feel more normal.
- Our LO had a pretty intense tongue tie. Even though I was able to BF with a shield, we decided to get it reversed. We don't regret it (she latches much better now) but we weren't prepared for how rough recovery would be on her (as you'll see if you check my post history). It's worth it, but you should be prepared for a tough couple of days.
- We called 911 the first day we had her home because we thought she was choking on milk. In reality, she was gagging--neither her face nor her lips had turned blue. When your baby gags, it may take them a few agonizing seconds to start breathing again. Everyone has told us this is totally normal. Never feel scared or stupid to call 911 (they were very, very kind to us when they came), but also be prepared that newborns breathe kind of erratically if you're FTPs like us. My anxiety about this calmed down about 10 days in.
- Physical recovery (even from an uncomplicated vaginal delivery) was rougher than I anticipated. We live in a third floor walk up, and the first time we went to her pediatrician (four days old) I almost fainted because I didn't take it easy enough. You may need to stop and sit down often, and walk slow. Don't overdo it just because you suddenly feel normal after a nap. I finally took a real walk (more than a block) at 2 weeks pp, and felt great. I hated being cooped up, but it was definitely necessary.
- If you're considering not doing the in-hospital bath, you don't need to. We didn't, and all the vernix (there was lots) was rubbed in within the first couple of hours, and her hair was clean pretty much by day 2, with all the gunk out totally by day 4. She still smelled like a yummy newborn, and not like placenta.
- We're cloth diapering, but waited until after her stump fell off. It was actually really helpful to see the blue wetness strip on the Pampers for changing.
- Witch hazel pads are amazing, but your labia will not thank you for being constantly damp for a week. I was really itchy and in pain after a week of constant witch hazel pad application, and this turned out to be the culprit.
- Ask everyone if they're sick before they come over, even if they have kids and should know better. We keep turning people away because they call and ask to come and see her, and when we ask them how they're feeling they have "just a little cough."
- Freeze yourself a whole bunch of muffins, muffins are yummy and a great midnight breastfeeding snack, also have lots of fresh fruits and water on hand to keep your poop poopable
- We love our in-bed cosleeper. We especially like the mesh sides--she often will snuggle closer to whatever side I'm sleeping on, and I wouldn't put it past her to smush her face into the side. I have her next to the wall, and there's nothing around the cosleeper. I sleep about a foot and a half away.
- Moby wrap has been our go-to, but I imagine any carrier would help you get more done.
- I have some anxiety, and this thermometer has been a lifesaver. If she actually had a fever my pedi wants a rectal temperature, but I've never needed to take one because it's always been clear that she doesn't from the IR temp.
- We bought 12 Aden + Anais swaddles, which we use for changing pads, swaddles, burp cloths, carseat blankets, nursing covers, you name it. They're expensive, but it's by far our most-loved purchase. (We found them on major sale at Home Goods, so maybe check the one near you.)
- WHITE NOISE MACHINE, yes, yes, yes
- get some baby socks, because Target never has newborn socks and their little feet get cold even when the rest of them is warm
GOOD LUCK! Have your babies! Do the things! I'll see you on the other side, bumpers