@kaleandcoffee My step mother was also 3rd after a gap. She begged me not to do the same when I had a 3rd after a gap. We now have 4 and feel like it was the right choice.
Baby #4??
- Thread starter kaleandcoffee
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kaleandcoffee
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@kaleandcoffee That she was always left out of things by her older sisters.
@kaleandcoffee We have two older kids (17, 13) and two littles (4, 6). The older two are my step kids. Agree with the comment to have another child if you have the desire, energy and means rather than to provide your third child with a sibling. If having another child is what your heart says do it! A caution that siblings do not always get along, and sibling relationships are not something you can control. There are lots of ways to create friendships and community with a child's peers
@kaleandcoffee I found every additional child after the 3rd to be super easy.
@kaleandcoffee Four isn’t a huge change from three. The adjustment was much easier for us… but there still are costs (in money, energy, attention and so on).
However, my advice in general is only have another if you and your partner want to raise another, for their own sake and not solely for the benefit of siblings (although siblings can be wonderful friends, shared parentage/raising doesn’t mean kids will like each other or get along). Your youngest could always rely more on friends outside the nuclear family for companionship - many children do and are perfectly content/fulfilled.
If you have the energy, ability, and desire to care for and support another kid, awesome. If not, it’s not worth it just for a “matching set.”
I was 5/6 and have almost no meaningful relationship with most of my siblings as an adult. My husband was an only child and has dear friends who are closer than many brothers. We have a pack of our own, but never with the expectation that they would necessarily be BFFs (though it’s looking likely for many of them…)
However, my advice in general is only have another if you and your partner want to raise another, for their own sake and not solely for the benefit of siblings (although siblings can be wonderful friends, shared parentage/raising doesn’t mean kids will like each other or get along). Your youngest could always rely more on friends outside the nuclear family for companionship - many children do and are perfectly content/fulfilled.
If you have the energy, ability, and desire to care for and support another kid, awesome. If not, it’s not worth it just for a “matching set.”
I was 5/6 and have almost no meaningful relationship with most of my siblings as an adult. My husband was an only child and has dear friends who are closer than many brothers. We have a pack of our own, but never with the expectation that they would necessarily be BFFs (though it’s looking likely for many of them…)
panagiotism
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@kaleandcoffee My third child is 10 months old and we’re trying for one more for all the reasons you just listed.
kaleandcoffee
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@panagiotism your first 2 are a lot older ?
panagiotism
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@kaleandcoffee Yes. 12 and 8. All girls
randomuser1
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@kaleandcoffee My husband is the youngest of 4. His parents had two very young, then another two when they were approaching 30. He’s always really appreciated having a brother close in age. His perspective was that he never felt like he grew up in a huge family because of the gap. His first memory of his oldest brother is that brother leaving for Depot.
I’m currently pregnant with our 4th, but they’re all close in age.
I’m currently pregnant with our 4th, but they’re all close in age.
@kaleandcoffee I just had my fourth 8 ish weeks ago. No different than having three, it was the easiest transition for us. Follow your heart (and your wallet 
) when you think about adding more to your family.
) when you think about adding more to your family.@kaleandcoffee This is my husband and I's plan! We have 1.5 kids right now (2 year old and due in August). Then we are taking a long gap before having two more.
Hopefully! I don't think you'll regret it. My dad had 5 kids and talks about how he wishes he could have had more
Hopefully! I don't think you'll regret it. My dad had 5 kids and talks about how he wishes he could have had more
kaleandcoffee
New member
@mjm13 If you don’t mind me asking how old are you now and how long do you want to wait just to get an idea . I’m used to my family having kids very young that now I feel kind of old lol.
You’re actually one of the few people that I’ve heard of that doesn’t mind starting all over again with a newborn after a big age gap
You’re actually one of the few people that I’ve heard of that doesn’t mind starting all over again with a newborn after a big age gap
@kaleandcoffee I had four, ages 18-10, when my fifth was born. Thrilled to be “starting over” - and also still feel more for myself. Little one having a “buddy” is a contributing factor, though definitely not the only consideration.
@kaleandcoffee I'm 29 now, had my first at 27. I might feel very different once my two kids are older! Haven't gotten to that fun stage yet haha
katrina2017
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@kaleandcoffee We had a baby when our older kid was 13. And then had another one so that baby had a sibling to grow up with. (We have 3 older kids)
katrina2017
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@kaleandcoffee If it makes any difference, 4 is easier than 3 so you'll just be making your life easier by having another
katrina2017
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@kaleandcoffee Kids are a gift. I saw myself as a 1-2 kids guy, my wife had to be convinced to have one at all. Now we’re expecting #5 in about a month and she’s trying to keep my mind open to more.
For us (and ours are a lot closer together) 0-1 was hard, 2-3 was hard, but 3-4 was hardly different. All the coping strategies developed to go to 3 kids worked when we added a 4th.
Our 4th is AWESOME. Such a tough, sweet, smart 1.5 year old. And he is best friends with #3 who just turned 3. They have a special bond being the younger kids together.
I say go for #4. No matter if you have 1 or 4 or 10 it feels overwhelming some days. But the joy of making and having a big family is hardly surpassed in this life.
For us (and ours are a lot closer together) 0-1 was hard, 2-3 was hard, but 3-4 was hardly different. All the coping strategies developed to go to 3 kids worked when we added a 4th.
Our 4th is AWESOME. Such a tough, sweet, smart 1.5 year old. And he is best friends with #3 who just turned 3. They have a special bond being the younger kids together.
I say go for #4. No matter if you have 1 or 4 or 10 it feels overwhelming some days. But the joy of making and having a big family is hardly surpassed in this life.
@katrina2017 Beautiful!
kaleandcoffee
New member
@katrina2017 Thank you , that’s what I’m thinking too 