At my wits end with sleep

ramsden

New member
He’s 13 months. When we moved in October he turned 6 months and that’s when things got bad. Bad enough I said fuck it and started safely bedsharing. And this was after all the tricks, tips etc. white noise, air purifier, dark room, between 68-72 degrees, bed time routine, etc.

There have been short periods where he sleeps okay but it always gets bad. The past two weeks we’ve been waking 4-5 times all in the 1-7 am range. He’s been sleeping well the first part, usually goes to bed around 7:30-8 pm. He actually does so well this time at night I’ve been laying in bed with my husband, but every. single. time. I settle into bed he wakes up. And I try to wait to see if he’ll go back on his own and he never does. He’s always been 0-100 so once he realizes I’m not there it’s instant wailing. So I go sleep with him. And he’ll do okay usually until 3:30. Then he’s up. Usually nurses and is fine, then up at 4:30, 5:30, 6:30 and 7.

This morning he woke up at 3:30 and just now fell asleep at 5:45 for whatever reason. Im a sahm so of course when he goes to bed I take whatever time I can get to myself and end up going to bed late, so tonight I’ll just go to sleep when he does. He naps fine. I nurse him to sleep he lays in his bed, all is well. Im at the end of my rope bc everyone says it’s better by now and it’s not. I let him cry 5 minutes one time and he was so scared when I came back I promised I wouldn’t do it again but I have no idea what to do. I’d love to wean but he has food restriction and we’re already watching his weight. He won’t take toddler formula. He won’t take ripple milk. He barely drinks the water I give him.

I want another baby but this last year has made it so hard to pull the trigger on it, but I also want to have the second soon so I can just be done. But this has been the hardest year of my life. And most people would “but the most rewarding” and I feel terrible for not feeling that way. I love my son. He’s so sweet and yes he has some precious moments but I’m pretty sure the fog of no sleep and let’s be honest PPD makes me feel indifferent sometimes. I’m tired of being quick to anger and just generally not all the way here. I guess I just have to keep waiting for that magical time where he just sleeps? Or weans? I don’t even know.
 
@ramsden Sleep pressure lessens as the night goes on, so when he’s stirring between sleep cycles (as we all do) it’s more difficult for him to get back to sleep. Honestly the nursing to sleep sounds like an association - he doesn’t know how to go to sleep without it. I’d recommend r/sleeptrain or reading Precious Little Sleep for some ideas about how to transition away from it.
 
@ramsden I’m so sorry to hear this. Constant sleep deprivation is the hardest thing in the world and can turn you into a person you barely recognise! I know it’s extremely hard to do but I agree with the previous poster that some gentle sleep training could help here. Ultimately it’s a kindness, both to yourself who needs some quality sleep (!) but also to your son, who can’t be getting the solid sleep he needs. Sleep training can help set him up for good sleep for the rest of his life and, as someone who’s suffered insomnia/overthinking her whole life, this is a precious gift.

Start small, work your way up. My son didn’t sleep for four months, then one day we didn’t hear him at night when he was crying for a whole ten minutes and I felt soooo guilty. But you know what? He then slept the whole night through, like he was bewitched. We did it purposely more often and now he’s 10 months and sleeps 13 hours solid a night. We’re lucky, but I don’t think we’d be here if we hadn’t hardened our hearts just a tiny bit!
 
@littlefish40 Thank you. I let him cry once a few months ago and he grabbed on so tight that I felt so awful. Im sure we can do something gentler. It just feels impossible sometimes, especially sleep deprived. I’ll do anything to make it quick so I can decompress but we need a change
 
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