@mjkobe I completely understand where you’re coming from. I have the exact same thoughts and worries which makes discipline difficult. The only advice I recommend is talking to the psychiatrist, the medication may need to be adjusted. I wish I had something else to offer but at you already know this is an extremely difficult situation that has no easy solutions.
@mjkobe Sadly I think you need to keep her home this time. I would also recommend getting her a therapist or counselor so she regularly has someone to talk to who will help her gain perspective on the situations she finds herself in. Family therapy can help too, my kids and I did that for a bit while going through some difficult times. But she might not be open to that at this moment. You seem like a good person and this age can be rough. Best of luck!
@mjkobe If you don’t want to enforce consequences on social stuff pick a different consequence and make sure she knows about it before, ie if you do x I’ll do x. If it’s a surprise that’s usually where the rage comes in.
@mjkobe um stop caving when you feel bad to start with. Stick to your consequences. No wonder she doesn't respect you; you have no boundaries. Making her stay home on the weekend is not extreme.
@mjkobe She doesn’t respect you because you say one thing and don’t follow through. She doesn’t trust your word because you go back on it. Why would she listen if not listening still gets her what she wants?? You’re setting her up for failure.
Look up parenting styles. This is permissive parenting. You should be using authoritative (not authoritarian) parenting.
@mjkobe Taking a slightly different tack to what others have already said, could one of the reasons you feel guilty about enforcing consequences be because you feel that they are too extreme a reaction to the behaviour needing to be corrected? Ultimately, you'll need to feel comfortable about enforcing consequences without constantly second guessing yourself. A couple of ways to do that:
1) Give equal focus to good and bad behaviour. In other words, reward the behaviour you want to encourage, don't just punish the bad. This can help your daughter feel like she can get your attention without acting out.
2) Use progressive consequences - the circumstances you describe do seem extreme enough to use the consequence you've described. However, you may need to practice giving warnings with smaller consequences which are consistently enforced before going to the most extreme consequence you can think of in the moment.
Ultimately, parenting is hard. So kudos for trying. Just remember, your job is to be a good parent, not a good friend and practice makes perfect.
@mjkobe Fix yourself first stick ti your guns your lettinf her walk all over you. If she's grounded she needs to stay grounded she losses EVERYTHING except for going to school, no phone, no tv, no computer, no friends NOTHING but chores and watching paint dry. Have a talk with the school counselor go from there, also go to therapy both of you.
@mjkobe First I'm so sorry you have to deal with that kind of behavior, my two stepsons are younger and while they can of course misbehave, there's nothing even close to that kind of misbehavior.
I do agree with some of the comments that you shouldn't feel guilty about her experiencing consequences for clearly horrible behavior, you shouldn't walk back the consequences, that's the only way her behavior has any chance of improving.
@mjkobe OP wonder if we have the same daughter. 11F. Im not sure what works. Maybe nothing honestly. I really do not like her behavior. Its been 9 years off it.
