Anyone else nervous about taking leave?

[none001]

@davidqaoud The idea of someone saying “yo, thanks for not using all your 401k match” is really helping me shift my thinking about this.

Also, it’s making me snicker.

 

[davidqaoud]

@none001 My parents gave me shit for taking my paternity leave and that’s the way I asked them, what would you say if I denied a 401k contribution and they looked at me like I was crazy.

 

[shelbymelon]

@none001 My company gives dads 20 weeks which can be broken in 2 10 week periods. I finish my first 10 this next week after our baby was born in October.

I was very much in your shoes before the baby was born. I was constantly anxious and worried how the team would do without me. They were very kind in letting me know it was okay to go but they were nervous as well. I tried to train someone to cover some of my duties prior to leaving but it didn't go as well as anyone would like.

Now that my time is basically up, I am so glad that I took the time. First off everything is fine or at least they haven't bugged me the entire time. They survived and know my worth even more now.

The most important thing is being there for the birth of your child and biding those first few weeks. My wife had a challenging labor that ended in a c section. She really needed me those first few weeks and I'm glad I was there to help. Not only is it challenging figuring everything out but the sleep was so hard as well. I don't know how I could've expected to function at work like I did prior to the baby.

At the end of the day, if you are offered the time take it. This is time you will never get back. In 30 years you will never go back and wish you worked more or wished your team wasn't on their own. Life goes on and they will survive. Be there for your child.

 

[jennee]

@none001 I can take a whole lotta weeks of leave as well but decided to go for 3 and take one day extra off for a year (3 days of work), that way I get plenty of time with the kids and continue doing the work I like as well (and to be honest, it's a nice chance of pace as well...)

 

[jasonkuto313]

@none001 I was super lucky when I had my first during COVID to be able to get some leave since I was able to combine sick/vacation time with closure time due to COVID (I hadn't been at the company long enough to qualify for paternal leave).

With the babies I just had, I was pretty nervous about taking time off, as I had been struggling in my position for a little while, and we were a little nervous about income and expenses. But having just come back from leave, it was so worth it imo to be there with my wife and newborn.

Without knowing anything about your home dynamic, or economic situation, I recommend taking as much leave as you can get. But of course, it's your decision to make after consulting with your wife and other life advisors (parents, close friends, etc).

 

[anederson]

@none001 Piling onto this, I also felt that dread leaving my colleagues, but they managed lol. It’s silly to think they cannot, they get paid to do the job too.

I had to take a total nearly 6 months due to medical complications with the birth, leading me to take medical leave. So I missed literally half this year and no one is the worse for it. My team actually recently got decimated by layoffs and I still survive.

I promise, fade out of work and let yourself be with your family.

 

[3rdegreeblock]

@none001 Take the leave, future you will thank you.

 

[marezee61]

@none001 Yes. I get stressed about taking a day or two, let alone the 6 weeks I'm offered. I don't worry about upsetting my supervisors by taking the time off, but the thought of giving up control of my work and having my supervisor turn his attention to it really stresses me out.

It's partly that I'm a neurotic control freak, but it's also just a guarantee that I've overlooked or dropped the ball on some stuff that would get me chewed out at work. Even taking like 3-5 days off, something will inevitably come up, and I'll get a call and get chewed out. No telling what will come up in 6 weeks.

And it's not like I'm burying bodies or anything. We just have a "high performance" culture that really means everybody is stretched so thin at all times that there's just perpetually stuff you've dropped the ball on and either don't realize it or are discretely trying to get back on track.

 

[none001]

@marezee61 Yeah, I’m worried about the direction of projects that I’m working on too. I’m afraid folks’ll build something unhelpful while I’m away, but I probably need to let that go. I’ve built unhelpful stuff too, and it didn’t sink us.

I’m sorry to hear about your workplace though. Sounds tough. I probably wouldn’t last long there.

 

[lost_in_nothingness]

@none001 Remember this. You'll never get the time with your son back if you don't take it.

Secondly on your deathbed, no one's going to say "crap, I wished I'd worked more".

If you don't own the company, you owe them nothing, you're a replaceable part of a machine. You're not to your family.

Take the time you're entitled to and do not think about work for even one second while you're off.

 

[samz1992]

@none001 I took six months on Canadas ei alone which was $2000/mo, a significant pay cut for me.

Best thing I ever did in my life and I’ll do it again for the next one, and I’d do it for free.

 

[savannahmarieclark]

@none001 I’m just finishing 4 months of paid leave and I was a relatively new hire when I took it. Zero qualms and best thing I’ve done for my kid.

 

[antonio22]

@none001 Didn't read any comments just your post. Do you have the option to take leave intermittently or does your job require it to be taken consecutively?

Asking as I'm currently taking 12 week absence intermittently through the state in which I can use time as needed during the first year of newborns life. I love the work/life balance as I took the first few weeks once baby was born then using a week per month thereafter. It's great bc I'm mostly working now and take a random week each month. Not really missing too much work as it's like a week of vacation essentially but getting paid differently.

 

[none001]

@antonio22 That’s really rad! Our policy is you can split it up but only into two week leaves at the smallest.

 

[antonio22]

@none001 that's not terrible. its another option so you don't feel like your missing out too much from work and also at home! best of luck with whichever decision you make!

 

[ladyw]

@none001 Jobs come and go, you only get one chance to spend time with them at this age.

 

[tylvaen]

@none001 This sounds like your boss’s problem.

You need to separate what your boss wants, what you want for yourself professionally, and what you want for your family. These are sometimes aligned and sometimes at odds. Unless you sleep with your boss, and your employees will come take care of you when you are sick or old, I’d prioritize your family

 

[sakira15456]

@none001 My job offers 6 weeks off and I’m lucky enough to be able to split it. I was trying figure out if three weeks right away was to much. Well as I sit next to my sleeping daughter in the hospital, I doubt 3 weeks will be enough time off initially.

Take the time, and don’t worry about work. Enjoy the time with your kid.

 

[none001]

@sakira15456 Congratulations! Yeah, I hope that it’ll all settle in once he’s here. Glad to hear it changed for you once yours arrived.

 

[tracyrobinson76]

@none001 I have a similar unhealthy relationship with work. I always feel like me taking leave is a huge burden on others. I didn't take enough with my first child and still regret it. I took 8 weeks with my second child just recently and it was the right thing to do and guess what... Nothing bad happened at work! Everyone was happy when I got back and mostly wanted to just see baby pictures.