kingskid001
New member
Hi all- I’m not a frequent poster so hopefully I’m doing this right! My baby is 6 months old and doing great, but I can’t get over the trauma of his birth. I had a super easy pregnancy and went in for induction at 40+4, at my OB’s suggestion but not for any medical reason. I got a membrane sweep and went into labor. While in labor, the nurses and resident MD’s told me another mom was in labor and “it isn’t going well” and she may need emergency c-section to save the baby. Knowing that my baby was measuring very large, I became terrified that he would get stuck or injured during birth. At the first sign of distress, I requested a c-section. He came out 9lb 9oz. Everything was great until 5 hours after delivery, I noticed signs of respiratory distress, and he was whisked off to NICU. I have a daughter with severe asthma, who had been at the PICU in this same hospital, so this was extremely triggering. He received meningitis levels of antibiotics till they could confirm he didn’t need it, then reduced to regular levels of amp and gent for total of 5 days.
I feel angry and violated because I don’t think he ever had an infection. His CRP was 1. His X-ray showed fluid in the lung, but of course it did- it was amniotic fluid. The X-ray tech said it was pneumonia?! I feel like the healthcare system has a blanket approach and did not look at the facts of his situation and it feels so unfair to both of us that he had-what I believe to be- unnecessary interventions that can affect him for life.
Im in therapy and starting EMDR, but I’m really stuck on this. It helps to hear about others who had babies on antibiotics who are fine now.
Edit: thank you so much for all your responses. This is exactly what I needed to hear to snap out of my anxiety and be grateful I have my baby. I hope we can all remember to show compassion to all new moms, because postpartum anxiety is real and can be devastating, regardless of how the birth turns out. I will keep working to heal. So grateful for all the stories about your babies and how resilient they are, and for NICU staff who do such emotionally tough work everyday. Thank you so much
I feel angry and violated because I don’t think he ever had an infection. His CRP was 1. His X-ray showed fluid in the lung, but of course it did- it was amniotic fluid. The X-ray tech said it was pneumonia?! I feel like the healthcare system has a blanket approach and did not look at the facts of his situation and it feels so unfair to both of us that he had-what I believe to be- unnecessary interventions that can affect him for life.
Im in therapy and starting EMDR, but I’m really stuck on this. It helps to hear about others who had babies on antibiotics who are fine now.
Edit: thank you so much for all your responses. This is exactly what I needed to hear to snap out of my anxiety and be grateful I have my baby. I hope we can all remember to show compassion to all new moms, because postpartum anxiety is real and can be devastating, regardless of how the birth turns out. I will keep working to heal. So grateful for all the stories about your babies and how resilient they are, and for NICU staff who do such emotionally tough work everyday. Thank you so much