Am I the only one who doesn’t sign my girls up for dance classes/extra curricular activities?

[maintjie]

@kmar123 Well, they don't ask by saying "Mommy please take me to the dance studio", they ask by saying "I want to be a dancer!" The sport books for kids often are about children going to practices before the big game/recital so knowledge of the existence of lessons varies depending on what you're reading to them.

Although if your kid seems to have 0 interests then sticking them in one sport and one art around school age is the rule of thumb.

 

[transformed89]

@maintjie I think that misses the point a bit about what team sports or dance can provide. Sure it can teach you a specific skill like how to throw a ball or how to do a pirouette.But they can also show you how to be on a team or how to appreciate music. I know you know that as a parent, but kids don’t really understand that aspect. That’s why I think it’s helpful for a parent to offer a variety for exposure and see what sticks rather than waiting for a kid’s cue. Or ask more pointed questions about what a child might like.

 

[maintjie]

@transformed89 Who are you replying to?

 

[transformed89]

@maintjie Um, you? You posted that kids will tell you that they want to be a ballerina as a signal they want dance classes. And that reading books is a good way to expose them to possibilities like ballet, baseball, music lessons, etc. And that makes sense.

I was just offering a counterpoint that just because a kid reads about a recital doesn’t mean they can connect the dots that they might enjoy the musicality of a dance class. Or just because they read about baseball games doesn’t mean they can predict the fun they’d have sitting on the bench chewing sunflower seeds with teammates.

 

[maintjie]

@transformed89 Oh, I'm also the person who said the rule of thumb is, if exposure to the idea fails to implant interest, to put them in one sport and one art by around school age.

 

[transformed89]

@maintjie Okay, cool. Just having a discussion, not criticizing.

 

[donaldhof]

@anonymous9299 my son is 2.5 and we do gymnastics because he’s been a flipper/climber/tumbler since he could move on his own lol so it was just moreso a natural outlet for his need for explorative movement. he’s been asking about dance classes recently so we’ll probably start him in dance soonish but we have preschool starting in september as well so i want to see how that goes (time and energy wise) first. we’ll be starting swim lessons soon as well but that’s not from his personal interests moreso just a safety thing since we have a pool in our neighborhood and enjoy the beach.

kids are pretty good about expressing their interests and if she’s not particularly interested or vocalizing any requests for classes then i wouldn’t worry about it. you’re certainly not lazy! i usually think it’s just best to follow your kids lead on things like this. if you think your daughter might benefit from some extracurricular activities (like she seems bored or less engaged or needing a physical outlet aside from swim class) then you can curate a list of activities you’re comfortable with and present them to her in order to see if she’s interested. but i don’t think it has to be done just because other people are doing it! only if you think it will work for your particular family’s needs

 

[jennifer86]

@anonymous9299 My son started swim at 6. 2x week for the last year. He recently expressed wanting to take a break so we are pausing those for a bit. He also just had his soccer season end. I notice a big difference in him when he’s active vs staying at home. I like that he has something to look forward to and a way to burn off some energy. I wouldn’t force him to do activities he didn’t want to do though.

 

[givingintoimmorality]

@anonymous9299 I don't think that sounds lazy at all. My daughter is 2.5 and I just signed her up for weekly swim lessons at the Y starting in June. That's the first activity we've done. Eventually we'd like to get her into martial arts, but probably when she's closer to 4/5. Personally I'd rather avoid dance classes as well, but if she was interested I might consider trying it out for a while to see what it's about. Generally I'd be happy if she wanted to stick with one health/fitness related activity and one art activity (like if she ever wants to take instrument lessons). Any more than that seems pretty hellish, schedule-wise (and money-wise ).

 

[humbeda]

@anonymous9299 My 18 month old has done quite a few activities. She’s currently doing dance, soccer, and gymnastics. But she’s not in daycare. She has fun in the classes but it’s more for me because I get restless at home. She doesn’t love dance so we won’t sign up again but will finish the class because we paid for it. Gymnastics has been great for her though, she was a late walker and her gross motor skills have improved a lot since she started.

 

[ecclesiastian]

@anonymous9299 A lot of places offer free trial classes- dance, gymnastics, martial arts. Your parks & recreation department might also have classes/activities that are low cost and low commitment (like you only sign up for a month at a time versus a longer membership). Your library and YMCA might also have free/low cost classes and activities. If you don’t know what your kids would like, these are great ways to let them try stuff out.

I don’t think organized activities/classes are essential if you have a rich and varied life full of social interaction and activities. But that’s a big if. Kids are meant to be around other kids and be super physically active. If you’re providing that through your daily routine/activities, that’s great. If you’re not (and probably most of use aren’t/can’t) then organized activities are a great way for kids to get social and learning experiences. If/when they go to school, they may get their social, learning, and activity needs met there but they might not- depends on their interests and what the school provides

That said, my older kid didn’t join any activities (ninja class and soccer) until he was 7- when he was younger we were too busy and couldn’t afford them and then covid happened. My now-2-year-old goes to library play group and story time and occasionally to “open gym” play time at a local gymnastics studio.

 

[ggirl1986]

@anonymous9299 My city's parks and rec department does classes and activities that last about 8 weeks and then that's it, unless you want to sign up for another session. I have previously signed my son up for a ballet class when he was 4, a hip-hop class when he was 6, and ballet for my daughter when she was 3 and 5. There is no "dance mom" vibe or makeup, the parents sit outside the classroom and watch the kids through the window if they're young, or parents wander off and come back later if kids are older. At the end of the 8 weeks the parents get to come inside the room to watch, and then everyone goes home and gets on with their lives.

What makes you want to sign them up for stuff and how do you choose for a kid that may not know what their options are?

Every season when upcoming activities are announced, I go through the options with my kids and note what they're interested in. Then I work out which ones will work with our schedule (sometimes the classes they want are mutually exclusive) and sign them up for what I can. Pre-covid, I limited them to one physical activity and one art-ish activity at a time. Post-covid I let them go hog wild with as many activities as they want to commit to (they're 10 and 6 now).

TL;DR look into publicly funded classes through your community rather than a private club/studio.

 

[unworthytx]

@anonymous9299 I don’t think activities are necessary. In some cases it seems like it’s more for the parents than the kids. My almost 3 year old has been in mommy & me ballet for almost a year and music classes since she turned 1. She is naturally SO outgoing and with her personality she thrives being busy. That said, I plan to give her the summer “off” and not add any more activities to this - granted she also goes to play-based preschool. I may swap ballet for gymnastics or soccer though because I don’t like the makeup or costumes but she LOVES glitz and glamor … so I’m torn.

 

[cb4yah]

@anonymous9299 We’re not signed up for anything! Just nature play and play dates around here. Huge advocate for de-institutionalizing our kids. Imo activities in surplus set our kids up to continue the overworking cycle

 

[sabrina_]

@anonymous9299 We have our little in swim lessons (she just turned 2). That's it.

There has been research on the overscheduling of kids, who desperately need free play time (ideally outdoors). Unless my kid really expresses an interest, I'll keep with swimming for safety (and even then, we aren't signing her up for lessons in the summer as we have access to many pools and beaches).

My parents had a 'two activity' rule when we were growing up which I kind of like as an idea. Leaves several nights free while still exposing kids to things they want to try out.

 

[njc82]

@anonymous9299 This is anecdotal, but I was in all kinds of dance classes as a kid and I hated it. I wasn’t very good at it and the kids were truly mean. I swear it brought out the worst in them! This was the opposite of my experience in school where I was well accepted and usually thrived. Maybe things have changed now and maybe it was just the center I was going to but in retrospect it did feel toxic. As an adult I’ve actually started taking ballet and modern classes and love it. But the kids classes kind of had that beauty pageant vibe. So if your getting that sense trust your gut on it.

I was also put in all kinds of kids art classes and I loved it! So maybe something like that?

 

[shiney77]

@anonymous9299 i only have a 2 year old, so perhaps not quite the age to be enrolled in a whole lot yet. but i will say, i can't imagine it! i am a SAHM. for our schedule currently, we have one re-occurring 30-minute appointment per week for my daughter (SLP/myofunctional therapy), and just started weekly swim lessons which are also 30 minutes. we are also part of a playgroup once a week, but that is quite casual and is just going to someone's house, or a playground typically. we don't always attend.

to me, just that, combined with the other appointments that pop up, appointments at home (like work being done, etc), errands that i need to run, and basic household tasks (and i mean BASIC... like cooking and doing the laundry... we don't have a "perfect" clean house by any means)... it feels like we barely have time to just relax and play at home! i cannot IMAGINE having kids at school for much of the day, and/or working outside the home, and also having a bunch of activities to go to. it just seems like... when would we even get to eat our meals in peace and chill?

however, i also have ADHD, so perhaps that affects my perspective... i feel like each outing/event feels like a "bigger deal" to me than to other people due to the number of things i need to remember to bring, leaving on time, the steps to get out the door, etc. or maybe all parents feel that way, in which case... i have no idea how people fill their schedules and stay sane!

 

[fruwdjsb91]

@anonymous9299 I put my 2 year old in gymnastics because I felt like post 2020 parenting was very… “stay away/don’t get us sick” vibes at the park and I wanted her to have the opportunity to make friends. I picked gymnastics because it felt like a good base for anything else she might find interest in the future. I tried jiu jitsu but they sit too long to start and then I considered dance because she’s always when she sees the older gymnast dancing but she’s not enough to commit to the toilet and that’s one of the requirements in our local dance studio.

 

[faithful35]

@anonymous9299 I have a 5 year old and an almost 2 year old, so pretty similar ages. To my husband and I, weekends are sacred and saved for park time, farmer’s market, tending to our community garden plot, popping into the library, being bored, etc., so we don’t do any weekend classes for now.

Last September, the older one started in a public pre-k with excellent after school, so I just enroll her in activities there from 3-4 and still get to pick her up in time for an hour or two at the playground. She’s done ballet, chess, soccer, singing, drumming, ceramics, and cooking. She’ll be in a nearby summer camp with daily swim lessons, gymnastics, and soccer, so that’s all going to be taken care of!

If you can find a school or community organization with a variety of classes, it’s a perfect way for your little one to get a taste of the offerings before you decide to commit. My 5 year old now requests which after school and summer activities she wants to do! She hated ballet but will likely become a professional chef, ceramicist, or singer. Watch this space.

 

[transformed89]

@anonymous9299 We generally have 1 activity for our 3 year old. At one point it was swim lessons (for safety and also for fun). Right now it’s gymnastics because he was just so cautious at the playground and I wanted him to be able to take risks with his body in an environment that maybe felt safer for him. (Jokes on me, because he loves gymnastics but rarely takes risks there and now loves jumping off the back of the sofa.)

Activities can be an enriching way for a child to interact with other children and adults and to explore different things. They’re definitely not a necessity at such young ages though.

As for dance specifically, the dance moms vibe isn’t universal. I did dance through middle school and my mom was barely involved. She stayed for safety reasons when I was younger, but later just dropped me off and paid the bills. She’d do super basic makeup for my twice annual recitals, but nothing else. Do some research into different studios to feel the vibe (look at costumes too!) and stay away from competitive dance teams, because that’ll draw the dance mom crowd. You obviously don’t need to put your girls in dance, just know that it can be a chill, fun, positive experience.

Edited to add - I think we’ll try to stick with 1 commitment a season with an older kid. I like the way the book Simplicity Parenting talks about how 1 activity gives chances for growth, fun, responsibility, etc. But more than that is overwhelming for the kid and eats up too much family time together.