Am I the only one who doesn’t sign my girls up for dance classes/extra curricular activities?

[anonymous9299]

I have 2 daughters, 5 and 2. The 5 year old goes to pre-K 3 days a week and has ongoing swim lessons once a week (just started a few months ago). The 2 year old is on a waiting list for part-time daycare.

I don’t have a ton of friends with similarly aged children, but the few that I do know seem like their kids are signed up for at least 1 activity (if not multiple) and for most of the girls it seems like dance is one of them. I’m just very turned off by the dance moms vibes (makeup for recitals, etc). Idk if it’s all like that but my daughter hasn’t expressed any interest in it so I haven’t pushed. Is it lazy of me for not signing them up for things? What makes you want to sign them up for stuff and how do you choose for a kid that may not know what their options are? Anyone else out there with kids without commitments? No disrespect to those whose kids have busy calendars, I’m just wondering what most people’s takes are on the subject. Thanks!

 

[mananon]

@anonymous9299 I know kids that age who are jam packed with activities. Not sure why. Kids do need stimulation, but they also don't need to be pushed so hard they have no down time.

Now, my almost 3 year old is interested in dance. I Irish dance and she's watched me and has expressed interest in learning. I like that there's no gyrating involved or skimpy costumes but it does have it own share of problems and I've seen a handful of crazy dance moms. But, I think that every sport or activity has its issues and crazies associated with it. For right now we just have fun at the house with it and she goes to performances with me and my teacher said she'd take her early if we think she can pay attention lol...though usually they start at 5.

The only other thing she is signed up for (besides mother's day out) is swim lessons. She loves the pool and right now it's about helping her learn safety.

 

[puddintain]

@mananon

But, I think that every sport or activity has its issues and crazies associated with it.

Exactly, there's not an activity alive that doesn't have a parent in the stands being just completely insane. Not really much avoiding it.

 

[soulace]

@mananon I've always admired Irish dance, what age do kids typically start?

 

[mananon]

@soulace Usually 5! Kids of teachers start earlier lol. And many places welcome adults, too

 

[sophie0813]

@anonymous9299 My oldest is also 5 and she does ballet, soccer, and skiing. We started dance with her because she’s been dancing since the moment she was able to stand. We started soccer to see how she’d do with “sporty” sports. And skiing because we enjoy it and live next to a good hill.

For my younger two (3M and 1F), we will likely not do dance, as they don’t care about dancing. The 3yo will do a competitive sport, and the 1yo has been kicking balls intuitively since learning to walk, so we will likely do soccer with her. We will just see what they want to do as they grow

So that’s to say — if she doesn’t show an interest, then don’t sweat it. My 5yo enjoys soccer, but mostly for the friendships, as she is not aggressive or competitive, so we may stop soccer.

This is her first year of ballet and it is very chill. No sort of “dance mom” vibes at this age. I will also say, the makeup for the recitals is just because the lights and stage are so bright and far away it’s hard to see the faces and expressions. So it’s just to highlight those.

My adhd self did every activity in the book when I was younger, and I’m trying hard to avoid that with my kids. My goal is 1-2 sports per year and 1 musical instrument.

 

[aly1031]

@anonymous9299 Our 2 year old is at home, so we’ve signed him up for a music class and a baby gym thing where they run around on equipment, basically so he can be around other kids a little. In school though, no, I don’t think we’ll be sending him extra places. At some point we want to do bouldering and jiu jitsu as a family, and if he’s interested he can do any non-concussive sport, but we really prioritize outdoor time and togetherness as a family. Same thing if we had a girl. I’ve read a lot that basically says having kids in too many organized activities is stressful, and I’ve seen friends with older kids basically constantly hustling to get from activity to activity and I can’t live like that.

 

[shiney77]

@aly1031 have you tried taking your 2 year old bouldering yet?! my partner and i have a 2 year old daughter, and my partner has been very into bouldering for years, although they've just recently gotten me to join, and i now love it. we have now taken our kid to the climbing gym twice, mostly just because we both wanted to go and had no one to watch her at this point she just likes to go up on the mat and jump up and down. she has tried to climb a couple times but not gotten far. but, it actually kinda works out because one of us "rests" and watches her (to make sure she doesn't go near anyone else climbing) while the other climbs, then we switch. i've seen some pretty tiny kids climb though, and it is amazing!

 

[aly1031]

@shiney77 Hey that’s awesome! We will try it soon then. Our 2 year old loves to climb at the playground and wherever, he can climb chain link fences a little (we don’t let him go to the top though). So I’d be interested to see him try bouldering! Thanks for the encouragement to take him, I just assumed he’d be too small

 

[marsoco]

@anonymous9299 I’m in Europe and it is very common that kids go to extra activities.
Mine has gone to Judo, dance, gymnastics since she was 3. Now added piano lessons and had some other classes inbetween when the scheduling worked.

But I also have to say the sports club costs 10 bucks a month and offers all the sports activities we do. If I’d have to pay for each one I wouldn’t do so many with kiddo. Maybe I would then chose one activity and focus on that.

 

[frozenocean]

@anonymous9299 I have 2 daughters, 3.5 and 19 months. Maybe a year ago the oldest started specifically asking for dance class. She loves to have dance parties at home. I signed her up for a class that has the opposite of a “dance moms” vibe. No recitals, no outfits. It’s really about body movement/awareness, following directions, and being playful and silly, which I feel is perfect for her! I have asked her about interest in soccer, gymnastics, and basketball and she’s not interested. She’s only 3, I just want to allow her to explore her interests.

My youngest has been climbing on stuff since before she could walk; I plan to get her into tot gymnastics solely because I think she’ll have a blast safely climbing and jumping.

When they are older, I do think teamwork and gaining pride in one’s physical accomplishments are important, so I’d like them to try a team sport.

 

[gregorythenontheologian]

@anonymous9299 Nope not lazy at all! I have a 3 year old son and we tried swim lessons, and we are just starting music lessons because he's been obsessed with musical instruments for the last year and has expressed interest in lessons. Between our work schedules, his school schedule, our desire to eat dinner at a reasonable time, and his sleep schedule, we just can't balance more activities. He gets enough out of his good quality school.

 

[thimbleberry]

@anonymous9299 You’re not alone!

My decision to hold off on extracurriculars for my kids is based on my experience as a nanny. I worked for the same family for 5 years, and the kids (all toddlers when I started) were enrolled in preschool as well as several activities. By age 3, they were already doing piano, soccer, and swim. As they all got older, more activities were added to the roster. A huge part of my job was getting them to all their activities/lessons, and I really hated the days when they didn’t want to go and I had to force them. There were so many times where they were tired after a morning at preschool and just wanted to hang out and play after nap/quiet time, but I couldn’t let them do that. I also got to see how expensive all those activities are

Susie Allison (of Busy Toddler on IG) has done posts about this that really resonated with me, basically that there are all these years ahead of us when they’ll be busy with extracurriculars they want to do, it’s okay to spend the early years just being together.

As for the dance stuff, I feel you there as well. My 5yo has been asking for ballet lessons, so I think I will sign her up at one of our local dance studios that has a very funky, chill, all bodies are great, kind of vibe. I’m privileged to have access to somewhere like this, because I also really struggle with the sexualization of young girls that is rampant in dance culture. But at the end of the day, if she wants to try it, then I will support her in that. I see it as my job as a parent to curate the environment, but it’s her job to figure out the things she really enjoys in life.

Disclaimer - we do do swimming lessons, but I view that as an essential life skill/safety issue versus a sport or activity (heh heh ‘do do’)

 

[cdaysr]

@anonymous9299 I want my girls to do some team sport when they're older (maybe starting at 5/6). I played soccer and it helped with socializing, teamwork, and fitness/coordination. They can pick the sport, as long as it's team based.

If they really want to do something specific, like gymnastics, we can add that in. Dance would be a hard sell for me - the makeup, costumes, and (toward tween years) suggestive dancing screams "toxic femininity" to me.

 

[kmar123]

@cdaysr

screams "toxic femininity" to me.

It's more just overt sexualization of children for me. Super yikes! Plus all the body image issues it brings.

Dance for young toddlers is adorable because none of them perform properly but past that is so worrisome

 

[shadia]

@cdaysr The park district dance class my LO did didn’t have a performance. So there weren’t any costumes or makeup or anything.

 

[heathercc7774]

@anonymous9299 We put our kids (7yo girl/boy twins) both in Scouts. It's one evening a week (two because they're transitioning from Joeys to Cubs at the moment) plus one or two weekend activities a term.

Dance was never on the cards, I cannot be bothered with costumes and hair and makeup. I'm not getting up at 5am to stand in the freezing rain for a weekend sport. And I don't want to give up 2-3 nights a week for a martial art.

 

[maintjie]

@anonymous9299 If she were interested she'd ask. I was obsessed with the Nutcracker and ice skating at 6 or so, and this led to ballet classes. (Maybe yours is obsessed with birds and would prefer a nature hiking group for an extracurricular.) You can find different studios with different vibes - my Mom avoided the places that were in denial about the appropriateness of certain outfits/moves for kids and I remember us leaving a studio once when recital details came out. My Dad didn't want me touching anything pro due to the infamous body image issues/eating disorders ballerinas deal with, and I quit dancing at around 11. It's definitely good for kids to have one sport extracurricular, and it sounds like she already has swimming. If that's more of a short-term for-safety thing, her next interest doesn't have to start or be picked at age 5. If you want an interest to get picked for next year, start checking out and reading library books about various sports with her.

"Dance class" for 2 years olds is just one-hour daycare. Set up a babysitting swap with other Moms if you want her to be socially entertained for an hour a week.

 

[kmar123]

@maintjie

If she were interested she'd ask.

I don't necessarily agree with this. I've asked my mom why she never put us in anything when we were kids. She said "well you didn't ask!". But like...I was 5 haha. I didn't know this stuff existed!!! I think I could have benefited from having some athletic experience.

 

[transformed89]

@kmar123 Same. My parents put my brothers in sports and me in dance. I liked dance a lot but have always felt a little ripped off that I never experienced team sports or built friendships that way. My mom’s reasoning was that I never asked. Obviously I knew about the existence of sports from my brothers but I never really considered it for myself until it was far too late. I wish my parents had presented it as an option.