6 y/o doesn’t like any activities. Not sure what to do?

[aristarick]

I’ve signed my 6 year old son up for several things - t-ball, soccer, karate, and Boy Scouts. He hasn’t liked any of them. He’s unsuccessful in all of them, but recently admitted he purposefully will do things incorrectly while in those activities because he doesn’t like them. He acts similarly around academics at home - it’s extremely difficult to get him to practice reading, writing, math, or do any homework assignments. His teacher says he’s fine in class, which is kind of surprising to be honest.

My question is should I keep pushing him into extracurriculars? If so, how can I get him to put forth some effort? I don’t want him to keep quitting everything, but don’t to force into things he hates either. I’m at a loss. Appreciate any advice.

Thanks.

 

[thebestme]

@aristarick Ask him what he does want to do.

 

[qwietuwet]

@aristarick Just have 2 points to share. In my household doing extracurriculars is a requirement. Growing up I was a depressed child with no friends and spent hours alone in my room. I think it is healthy to have EXPERIENCES with other kids outside a school setting.

Next point is to share how this has played out in real life.

I signed up my daughter for an art class, and the art teacher informed me that based on her drawing she suspects my daughter enjoyed math more than art. From age 6 to 11 my daughter would do a different extracurricular every year from karte to gymnastics to ballet. Inside I wished she picked one and would focus on it. When she started middle school I finally realized that she l hated sports. She is in student council, student new paper, science club, and battle of the books. Your kid may not like sports.

 

[harko]

@aristarick Make a list of everything he has chosen. Then make a list of everything he hadn’t tried yet and ask him what HE is interested in trying. If he makes the choice, he will be more invested.

 

[christinageorgina]

@aristarick My daughter was / is the same.

We took her to a weekend toddler school / activity group (we are mixed language family living outside both mother and father birth country) so it was to expose her to mums language and have some social life in that language.

She said she wanted to go but then on the day didn't want to go, we stopped.

As she got older she agreed to go to another similar group organised by different people - same issue.

Then she wanted to go to football (soccer) as friends were going - in the warm up she was fine but when it came to the actual start with the coach she refused.

Next she wanted to go ballet with her friends but once there refused.

In all these cases it was because she did not like the teacher.

Instead of football she is going to horse riding club for last 6 months and loves it.

She found an activity group with a teacher she likes.

The ballet teacher retired and now there is a younger more friendly and energetic one that she likes.

So i'm not an expert but this is just my experience, know when to stop pushing and hopefully find the right thing at the right time.

We are also having the other issue - at school / club she sits and does everything and people say she is the best in the group but at home trying to teach reading / writing etc is very difficult unless it is something she really wants to do.

The thing I noticed is that because she has done a lot of things earlier than other kids like walking and talking and 3 languages perfectly is that she expects to be able to do everything first time and if she can't she get's frustrated with herself and refuses to try again - even though she understands the concept of learning and improving so I am trying to find ways around this when it happens - yesterday she was angry she couldn't draw something so gave her a book to copy, still no good, so showed how to trace it through the page and how to improve - she did it and enjoyed it.

So much of the time is trying to anticipate what she will think or do so I can plan accordingly and set the right environment and tools in advance or adapt on the fly.

 

[wildman77]

@aristarick Get him into therapy, maybe consider just giving him books. What does he like to do, and what does he spend his time doing? If he has something he would rather be doing, look into that. Is it valid? Is it safe? Is he just not into anything? He may be depressed. If he's good in school and just not engaged at home, maybe he wants to do activities with you instead of being signed up to team sports. Sometimes teams just aren't a kid's jam.

 

[teatimebabe28]

@aristarick For a while, I thought my son was similar to yours, same age too. His mom signed him up for Piano, Martial Arts and Swimming. When he was a baby, he loved swimming because he was in the water with me. Last year, he suddenly decided he didn't like it. I then found out it was the teacher, we switched to another teacher and suddenly he's fine swimming. Martial Arts, he decided to quit. So I switched him to Tennis, which he loved...!

However! I questioned him about Martial Arts and he said he thought the instructor was too harsh / tough, almost felt to him like a bully. And Tennis? That one is no mystery: His Tennis instructor is the sweetest dad type, who makes the lessons fun and funny, so my son really enjoys the lessons and he learned Tennis pretty well in the process!

So it turns out it's all about the teachers and their approach to the children. Piano: He was actually doing great, and even progressed to playing the piano using both hands. He still decided to quit. My daughter still does Martial Arts and Piano, and she's great at it, but I think he's just a sensitive child who notices things we don't, and he does not share with us his reasons for not liking something or someone...

Finally: When I do something with a passion, he wants to join. Even if it's a boring activity such as putting together Ikea furniture. Anything where I'm involved, he wants to join in. I don't know if it is the same with your child, but that's something I would try. Find something you think your child might enjoy doing, and do it yourself and see if he wants to join.