3 year old screaming when 1 year old comes near

[orthogelical]

My 3-year-old daughter often screams "NO! HE'S GOING TO TAKE MY _____!! (toys, lunch, etc) YOU NEED TO MOVE HIM AWAY!!" when my 1-year-old son walks into a room she's in. They play just fine together when she's not so scared about this. I can get that she feels scared he's going to mess with or take whatever she's working on, but I'd really like to figure out how to get her to avoid screaming about it. Sometimes my wife or I will talk with her about how she's feeling scared and we reassure her we won't let him take her stuff. Sometimes that mellows her out a little, but lately her screaming has been a real stressor around the house, and we want to help her stop.

Has anyone else been through this and have some tips on managing it?

 

[asifasif44]

@orthogelical When she screams, she gets immediate attention and help, which is what she wants. So, I'd recommend teaching her to ask politely and quietly for help, then giving attention and help immediately if she goes. If she screams, ignore her. Or remind her how to ask and wait until she goes it correctly

 

[teddyc1]

@asifasif44 This. My 3 yr old freaks out when his 1 yr old brother takes his stuff but only gets assistance when he calmly asks for help. It’s cut down on that initial reaction of “omg, remove the baby!!” by a large margin.

 

[bestrfcplayer]

@orthogelical We've been actually trying to teach our 3 year old to yell/call for us when he wants our 10 month old away from him/his toys because he was originally biting her when she got too close. I know that's not particularly constructive to your current situation but I just thought I'd share a different perspective.

 

[samuelg29]

@orthogelical The living room is a shared space in most houses. In our house, if you don't want to share, take your things and go to your room. That's my lazy response.

If I had energy - When my daughter would freak out about her baby brother touching her stuff, I would walk over and make her rewind and try again. I had to feed her the lines I wanted to hear her say. You kind of have to jump in and shout freeze and replay the version you want to always see going forward. It took weeks and weeks.

 

[wings9191]

@samuelg29 I like that you gave a lazy response and an energetic response. Let's be real- we need options for both categories for so many aspects of parenting!

 

[olatolek]

@samuelg29 I don’t think that’s a lazy response! It makes sense to me: if you can’t share in the shared space go to your own space for some alone time.

 

[unfinished7181]

@orthogelical My response to this behavior is usually "if you don't want baby to take your toys, move them where he can't reach/go play at the table or your room." If you stop solving the problem for them, they have a chance to practice solving the problem themselves. I figure this is good for development.

Once the younger one turns 2 things get a lot harder...