@yakob123 Have they been overdoing it with PDA? I'd tread carefully but I only say that from my experience with my mother. She had the same concerns and the way she went about talking about it (or rather insinuating because we're irish and have cultural shame around sex) actually made me feel like she was "animalising" me. Like she thought I had no respect or boundaries for myself and I would just whip off my top in the living room and jump on top of my partner. It came across as insulting and demoralizing. You clearly have better intentions with your daughter and sound like you have great communication so you'll likely avoid this but maybe just be aware of what you say comparing to what she hears
17 year olds & sex
- Thread starter yakob123
- Start date
-
- Tags
- parenting teens
@sevensong I don't think they've necessarily overdone it but I came downstairs once & she was laying on top of him on the couch with a blanket over them & it made me feel so awkward. I think I will set a boundary that any major PDA will happen in her room
@yakob123 I used to do that with my boyfriend just to cuddle. I think you're doing a fantastic job and you're MILES ahead of many modern day parents!! Just maybe step back sometimes and figure out where your imagination begins and ends. My mother used to imagine up scenarios in her head and his mother was a million times worse omg. We'd hug each other while going about chores and she'd nearly have a panic attack. She couldn't figure what belonged to her and didn't realise how far her imagination was taking her, and we took that personally and ended up taking Hella responsibility for her anxiety when ~ nothing actually happened ~
@sevensong That's a really good point & I do think my imagination gets away from me sometimes. I definitely need to keep that in check!
@yakob123 Yeah I don't want to scare you but I ended up hospitalized and suffered a 2 year mental breakdown between 16 and 18 for this reason, due to my ex's mother. I never finished school. She took it to extremes now which you don't sound like you're doing at all in fairness! but I've got PTSD now at 21 and can't function sexually or have a relationship because of the humiliation she subjected me to. I took responsibility for her feral imagination and enabled her by making myself small (didn't really need to, she literally used to hide my stuff when I stayed over so the kids she babysat wouldn't go home saying my ex had a girlfriend and we weren't allowed to walk around his neighborhood in case the neighbours saw us and assumed he was fucking me). I've tried to commit suicide 3 times now because of it being the root cause of other issues despite 6 years in therapy and BEING a psychotherapy student in college.
That is by all means the most extreme far end of it which you're NOWHERE NEAR, but she began like you and she let it snowball into something insane. Basically - if you don't see it happening, don't assume it's happening
That is by all means the most extreme far end of it which you're NOWHERE NEAR, but she began like you and she let it snowball into something insane. Basically - if you don't see it happening, don't assume it's happening
@sevensong I'm so sorry you went through that & I hope you're doing better now