15 year old struggling

[vesivian]

My 15 year old daughter has adhd. Things have always been hard for her. She went to the same grade school for 9 years. Friend relationships were up and down but she had her people. Now we’re 3/4 of the way through freshman year of high school. Pretty much 0 friends. Kids are flat out mean. She puts on a good front but falls apart at home. Never invited to anything. Participates in clubs and sports but can’t find kids that are just nice. She’s a kind soul. I’m sure she’s not perfect but my heart breaks for her. We listen. Support her. Distract as much as we can but she still has to walk in there everyday on her own feeling completely alone. Other than her speaking to a counselor, how do we help?

 

[letterforms]

@vesivian Something that helped our out of synch kiddo was an occupational therapist that worked with social stuff & neurodiverse kids. There's all kinds of weird little things about knowing how to join a conversation and not be weird about it that she was able to show her. Most therapists have a description online that will let you know if they're the right kind of occupational therapist. Teens are really not good at making space for people who don't quickly understand social rules, which screws over some of the nicest but slightly awkward kids. Idk if that is you kid, but if it's a pervasive issue over many groups of kids, maybe it would help.

 

[vesivian]

@letterforms Thank you for this suggestion! I will look into it!

 

[phonix]

@letterforms This is great advice!

 

[arhodie]

@vesivian I feel this. Our 15yo daughter has similar issues; not a lot of kind, “sane” kids. I was hoping she’d find her crew in the theater kids but she has too much stage fright to join up (which wasn’t an issue in elementary school, but around 7th grade she started opting out).

Our girl at least has two, maybe three good friends. They’re not adhd though and sometimes she feels overmatched or left behind a bit.

It’s tough.

 

[phonix]

@arhodie She can still be a theatre kid and just do stage crew! This lets her be with ‘her people’ and not have the anxiety of being on stage.

 

[arhodie]

@phonix we're trying that angle - so far it hasn't worked, but she didn't totally dig her heels in.

 

[michealpipes]

@vesivian I’m going through the same with my 15 yr old daughter and it’s just excruciating. Same situation - sweetest soul and just wants friends. Yet, some people are just so mean. The girls she became friends with iced her out. She called me crying at lunch today so I picked her up.

She did go to the counselor who will give her a pizza party. She will invite a few girls who she is trying to establish friendships with.

It’s hard to watch - it feels like it’s so easy for everyone else and I’m hurting for her.

 

[josac]

@vesivian Sending hugs- in the same boat here except my daughter is high functioning autistic. She is extremely active in school and even the band kids aren't very nice to her. The school has started a 2x monthly social group for kids in a similiar situation and her case manager will be checking in with her more. Does she have a 504 or IEP that you can request some school intervention? Additionally we are trying to find an outside social skills group.

 

[vesivian]

@josac Thank you for responding. I need some support right now. She does not have any accommodations because it doesn’t impact her academics. She plays club sports and has friends there. It’s just school. Which unfortunately covers so much of her time. She just needs kids to accept her and make her feel included. Is that an us problem? Like should we help her fix it? Or is that just HS these days? She’s our youngest of 4 and damn being 15 is so hard now!

 

[josac]

@vesivian Even if it doesn't impact her academics, she should have an IEP or 504 because it does impact the school setting.My daughter is mostly in honors classes and doesn't need any academic assistance, but she needs the school to be involved because her disability affects her socially and how she deals in that environment. I would push for school involvement. If anything, she knows she has some adults supporting her there, whether it is a case manager checking in with her or talking to a school counselor who is more aware of the school social setting.

 

[vesivian]

@josac Thank you! I’ll look into it!

 

[laurapalooza]

@vesivian Has she been prescribed medicine for ADHD and how is that going?

 

[vesivian]

@laurapalooza Yes! She’s been taking meds for years. It definitely helps but this social piece or struggle is new.

 

[chelsea89]

@vesivian You are not alone. Replace 15 with 14 and daughter with son, and that is my exact situation.

I really think all these kids from grade 6-11 are messed up do to Covid lockdown.