1 year old up for 2 hours almost every night, tell me it gets better

[finleyk]

My almost 1 year old son was a unicorn baby until 4 months old. He fell asleep anywhere, even on his own, and never had any long night wake ups, just woke up to nurse. When he turned 4 months old things changed and all of a sudden he had these 1 hour night wake ups. I thought this is just a phase but here we are at 12 months and it’s gotten worse, because now it’s 2 hours and I can’t get him to sleep anymore on my own. I sometimes wake up my husband (who’s cosleeping with our 3.5 year old who sleeps through the night) because I just can’t take it anymore. I get so triggered when I look at the clock and I see “ah, it’s 2:55 am, my son woke up and won’t go back to sleep after nursing, great”. We’re cosleeping, nursing on demand, we even switched rooms with my husband and daughter so he sleeps in a different bed and a quieter room. He’s also basically dropped his second nap. Sometimes it seems like he’s teething, sometimes not. It all doesn’t make a difference. He wakes up around 3 am and is awake until 5 am. I can’t do anything in the evenings because of this, no chores, no me time, no time with my husband. I’m a wreck, always sleep deprived and in a lousy mood, and I’m losing my patience more often than I would like. My daughter was completely different - she was incredibly hard to get to sleep in the evening (which is generally easy with him and takes no more than 15 minutes) and then she would sleep through the night with a couple of nursing sessions. Now her brother is the opposite. Did this happen to you and when did it stop? Please tell me this stops…

Edit: Thanks everyone for taking the time to comment! Most of you seem to think it’s due to too much day sleep, but I don’t think that’s the case (anymore). He recently switched to one big nap which is 1,5-2 hours long. His first wake window is 4 hours and the second one is 6-7. If he gets to 7, he gets pretty overtired and cries while put to sleep (nursing or carrying/rocking). His night sleep is 11-12 minus the 2 hour wake up (when it happens) plus 1,5-2 hours day sleep.
Also need to mention again that this has been happening for 8 months straight, sometimes only 2 times a week, sometimes 4-5. It seems to get worse when he’s teething or going through some developmental stuff. But it’s been consistent no matter how much day sleep he had.

 

[michaell]

@finleyk Sounds like a split night. @heysleepybaby has info on this and I'm sure @lyndsey_hookway does too (on Instagram). It can be developmental but it could also be low sleep pressure. Could you be trying to get more sleep than what your child needs? My girl is low sleep needs. Before I had worked that out, I was trying to force too much sleep which resulted in split nights.

 

[finleyk]

@michaell Thank you for taking the time to answer! I edited the main post as many people here have been asking similar questions. How much sleep does your daughter need exactly?

 

[michaell]

@finleyk She is two now but only needs 11hrs total. She does 9hrs overnight and a 2hr nap. It's wild haha.

 

[finleyk]

@michaell That’s rough! So you basically don’t get any me time in the evening because you have to go to sleep too I suppose!

 

[michaell]

@finleyk Yep! But I think once we drop the nap, it will even out. Maybe we will get an 8pm bedtime haha

 

[squeaker1]

@finleyk It gets better, but since I'm in the middle of this too, I'm telling myself as much as you.

I survive by listening to podcasts while I nurse then bounce her back to sleep. I must walk a mile around the house at night.

 

[finleyk]

@squeaker1 I’m actually ok with the awake time during the night, like I can manage being awake. But the aftermath during the day and the having to go to bed early all the time is worst for me…

 

[gigaquad]

@finleyk Have you looked up split nights? This article really helped me https://www.thegentlesleepcoach.com/blog/splitnights

It's so, so, so hard while it's happening.

 

[finleyk]

@gigaquad Thank you! I checked out the article. I’m not sure if it’s due to too much sleep as it’s been so consistent. I edited my main post to give more info!

 

[gigaquad]

@finleyk So maybe think of it more as you want to shift that awake time from night to the day. How many nights does it happen per week? If it's say, three times per week that's six hours of awake time you want to add to his days but averaged over the week - so just under an hour a day.

If it was my baby I'd try pushing the first wake window by 30 mins and second by 20 mins and do it consistently for two weeks to see if it helps.

When my little one can't quite make that last wake window we go for a drive round the block after 4ish hours and get a 10 min nap in so that she can push through to her usual bedtime and doesn't go to bed early - because that's what was causing her split nights.

You're currently aiming for 11-12 overnight plus 1.5-2 during the day. So that's between 12.5 and 14 asleep. Twelve hours is also a long night for most babies, the average night sleep is closer to 10 hours. A long night can also lead to split nights.

I hope whatever is causing it gets better soon because it is so rough! Good luck.

 

[dmarks]

@finleyk Split nights are awful.

But one day you'll have a toddler who gives you an "OMG do you even parent" look and grab their blankie and toddle off to their bed for nap time and only need a quick hug and kiss if they have nightmares in the middle of the night.

It will take a while, but it will happen, I promise.

 

[finleyk]

@dmarks Thank you I don’t feel like a person anymore some days…

 

[kaylove1]

@finleyk 6-7 hours before bed is a long time at that age. Your little one is on the earlier side to be at one nap as well. Can you stretch that first wake window a bit to even out the wake windows? Otherwise have you thought about going back to two naps?

 

[finleyk]

@kaylove1 Totally agree. He was very early with going from 3 to 2 naps, at 4 months old. We never pushed this or tried to engineer his sleeping schedule, just followed his cues. We don’t want to go back to two naps because when we did that it was 4 hour wake windows and an extremely late night plus night wake ups, thus even less nighttime sleep for everyone.

 

[kaylove1]

@finleyk Ah okay, fair enough. I wonder what would happen if you did an earlier bedtime while also trying to stretch out that first wake window.

 

[finleyk]

@kaylove1 Earlier bedtime doesn’t really work either, I’ve tried and he wouldn’t go to sleep… do you think it would make a difference if we only stretched the wake window, and why exactly?

 

[kaylove1]

@finleyk My understanding is that you want to factor in total wake time and also “sleep pressure”. One theory is that sleep pressure builds up when babies are awake and then naps relieve that pressure, then it builds again before bedtime. You need enough sleep pressure but not too much. He might need a bit more awake time before nap to build that pressure and a bit less before bed. If there’s too much sleep pressure it can be hard to fall asleep and/or stay asleep. Ugh sleep is so delicate.

Ideally you’re getting about 11 hours of awake time total in 24 hours. Our little guy always did best with it evenly distributed before and after nap. But 6 hours should be the longest wake window for sure. The early bedtime might not work bc his total awake time is low because that first wake window is short.

The trouble is that stretching that first wake window can be tough. When we transitioned to one nap, a few times our little guy woke up early from a nap and I tried to get him back to sleep however I could. Or at the very least cuddle in a dark room so he had very little stimulation and could make it to bedtime.

I really hope this helps!

 

[marieflore]

@finleyk Hey check out my recent comments on another post in this subreddit. Lots of info about our experience with split nights. Feel free to ask any questions. But yes, it gets better and in my experience the solution has always been to limit day sleep.

 

[finleyk]

@marieflore Thank you! I edited my main post to answer some of the questions here!