1.5 hr Commute 1x a week

[heartofberries]

@naila Worth it. Only if they are well aware of your limitations as a mom and that your family comes first. So only once a week and absolutely not more

 

[budgie]

@naila If you’re excited about the opportunity AND it has the added benefit of 40% pay bump, I’d strongly consider it. That said, even though it is one day/week, it does leave a bit more of a burden on your husband. Perhaps you could also look into housekeeper or babysitter support for those long days you’ll be away?

I’m thinking if the roles were reversed and my husband had an opportunity like that, I’d be supportive but discuss with him arranging additional outside support on that day. Or maybe even just agreeing that we’ll order takeout vs cook that day. Something to ease the load. I have a full-time job and an additional 3hrs of childcare responsibility would impact my schedule (i.e. probably less sleep and asking for flexibility with work hours) as well.

 

[marthasimons]

@naila When we were looking for houses, we found this amazing place. It had everything we never knew we wanted, was being sold by an old couple who was not really looking to cash out. They just wanted to dump their local assets and move to wherever new grandbaby was. Cheap house, lots of land, huge garage with lifts, barn, indoor pool, low taxes. They were even selling their auto repair shop in town, and that would have been a great business for my husband -- and they were very interested in cutting the price even lower for someone who was going to buy both. But google maps said the house was 45 minutes from my office. Which was just on the high side of my search radius. We scheduled a showing of the house an hour after work with the idea that my husband and I would both just drive there from work for the experience. I drove my normal 20 minutes to work, worked a full day, then drove the 45 minutes to the house. Except I had no idea what traffic was like heading that direction, and I was still 20 minutes away an hour later. Had to call my husband and let him know I was going to be late. Hour and a half of driving, I finally made it. Looked at the house, loved it. But couldn't get over that hour and a half drive. So I tried again. After work, just drove out to the town where the auto shop was located. At the time, I was working in the office two days a week, and I couldn't imagine losing that much of my day to commuting. And that much time stuck in traffic -- evidently the roads are inadequate heading the other direction from the office, and "gridlock" is the norm.

So that's my advice -- try the drive. Take a day off work, drive out there. What time do you need to wake up to get there at starting time? Don't cruise over at 10AM unless they'd be cool with you showing up at 11:30 to start your day. Get the full experience! Do stuff for the day -- maybe only take half a day and work from Starbucks, maybe take a whole day and run a bunch of errands. Whatever to simulate a full day of work. Then drive back home. Not so bad and you could see doing that once a week? You're set!

Dread the thought of ever needing to make that drive again? Then I'd be thinking about our finances otherwise ... if we need the money, I'd suffer through 100? 150? hours of driving a year for the opportunity. You can borrow audio books from the library or something to make the time less grueling. Just extra money we'd be fine without? That'd be a no for me.

Not sure how much time you spend commuting now. For me, that's zero, which absolutely colors my decision. Say you work from the office 45 weeks out of 52 (company holidays, vacation time). That's 135 hours of driving in a year with three hours of commuting once a week. If you normally half a half hour commute each way, but it's 5 days a week for 45 weeks, that's 225 hours of driving in the year. 135 hours of driving, even if the drive is longer, means you are getting 90 hours of "not working" time back each year. That could be a great score!

 

[naila]

@marthasimons Yes - this exactly. I won’t know for sure until I do it and do it during the time i will be driving normally. Thank you!

 

[pray_daily]

@naila I do this once a week during the semester/term. I'm a university prof and mainly work at one university, but adjunct on the side at another. It's ok, but I also REALLY look forward to spring break/the summer/thanksgiving break, etc.

I take the train which is usually ok, but it's exhausting when there are problems on the line. Sometimes my regular departure is cancelled for no reason, and I end up standing on the platform for 20 minutes in the cold.

 

[rylez98]

@naila I do a similar commute (pre-kids/Covid it was every day and I don’t quite know how I did that). To do it 1-2 days a week would be a yes from me with that pay rise. I would get it written in your contact because of all the RTO hassle currently!

 

[allanluyo]

@naila I would absolutely, no question, do this once/week for that king of an increase. And I have a 3.5 year old and 10 month old twins!! Agree with others to get it in writing. With all the RTO mandates and changes, you don’t want to get screwed over in 6-12 months.

 

[benreborn]

@naila Worth it! Your spouse can handle it once a week. I’d probably do Wednesday to break up the week. Do a crockpot or quick meal that day and don’t stress. Buy lunch.

 

[bejezus]

@naila I live in ct and am in NYC with clients 1-3X per week. 6 hour commute round trip. But I’m making more $ than ever and my husband was able to stay home with our kids (14mo, 4, 5.5). We don’t have any family or other help with our kids so this was key for me being success in my role.

I take the amtrak in- there’s wifi, usually a cafe. It’s fine, honestly! Everyone is stunned when I tell them this but it doesn’t really feel so bad. I’m in sales, I value being in person to build relationships. I expense all travel and food costs and can book a hotel anytime I have a late event. Again- not for everyone.

 

[berean34]

@naila Once a week- absolutely! Assuming your husband can manage being a single parent for one day.

I would do it for 40% increase, but try to get it in writing so they don’t change it on you later.

 

[namaste8715]

@naila That commute even once a week would be an absolute non starter for me and I work in an office 5 days a week. My commute time for the entire week doesn't surpass 3 hours total (it's about 10-15 minutes one way regardless of traffic). I also find as my kids are getting older and older, after school activities start around 4:30-5:30. At least when they were little, daycare lasted until 6pm. The bus drops them off at 4 monday to friday. So I wouldn't be looking at this just right now, but what happens in 2.5 years when the oldest starts kindergarten. What happens when they start doing sports or scouts or theater or music lessons?

 

[djmads]

@namaste8715 i mean, it's one day a week and she has a spouse. Planning for Kindergarten 2.5+ years away is a bit silly given how much things can change. They also don't need a packed schedule with sports/scouts/theater/music at 5 years old.

 

[namaste8715]

@djmads Sure, but time flies. I'm not sure your or anyone else's tenure at a job, but my average is around 7 years. Planning 2.5 years ahead doesn't seem unreasonable for an amazing job. I took my current job when my oldest was 1.5 because it was closer to home, more flexible and in my field so to argue not to plan 2.5 years ahead seems crazy to me.

No one mentioned a packed schedule. I have 2 kids. Which means if each one picks 1 activity, that is 2-3 nights a week. (for us, one child has one activity that is 2x a week one child has 2 activities each 1x a week .)

She doesn't mention her husband or his job. Does he commute? How far is his commute?

Kids don't need you less as they get older. They need you just as much if not more. Our daycare years were actually easier than the elementary school years. School closures, school events, friend events, bussing issues, random holidays. Certain things get easier, but certain things just get harder so it is something to think about if you are planning on taking an amazing job.