1.5 hr Commute 1x a week

[naila]

What would you think of commuting to a new job that pays 40% more, but you have to come into the office 1.5 hrs away (3hr round trip) once a week?

My kids are 2.5 and 9months, so in thick of “needing” me.

It’s a great opportunity that I’m excited about but my husband thinks the commute is a non- starter.

 

[samarami]

@naila Once a week, definitely worth it for that big of a raise in my opinion! I would want some assurance it will never be more than once a week though.

Once a week, you can almost look forward to it as a time for audiobooks, podcasts, and a break from the evening routine. Your spouse can think of it as special dad time with the kids, maybe they do takeout that night or watch a movie or something to make it special. I think you can frame it to be a good thing for your family, if you and your spouse get on the same page.

 

[kram1005]

@samarami Same. If it was every day or even 3x a week that would be really hard, but for 1x a week and such a big pay bump go for it!

 

[rosiem]

@samarami exactly!

 

[sassybee]

@samarami I agree, especially if it is the same day of the week so that it’s predictable and you can plan around it.

 

[spacedog2k5]

@samarami I would probably even dangle a babysitter once a month on your away night so he could have an evening to himself. Not sure if that’s insane or not..

 

[naila]

@spacedog2k5 I love this idea, a way not to put the whole load on him

 

[lazar]

@naila Just came to say that it’s okay to put the whole load on him once a week. I have 11 month twins. My husband works one night a week aside from his daily load, and I pick up that slack. As a counter balance, when I need that one night a week for work or personal, he never hesitates to be a solo dad for the evening.

 

[naila]

@samarami This is a great perspective of things I could get done during the commute instead of it just being lost time

 

[katrina2017]

@samarami If the other days are WFH and that's you only commute time, you can also think of it in terms of total commute time for the week. It would be the same as working 5 days a week at a place that's roughly 18 minutes away. Totally reasonable for a big bump!!

 

[rcaper]

@naila Another question to ask the new employer is if they can commit to it only being a day week. At least for the next year or longer. There are growing numbers of companies that are increasing the office requirements, from 1 day to 2 days, or 2 to 3, or even going to full time.

You might be able to make a day a week work, and convince your husband it's worthwhile, but if they increase the number of days per week you'll be pulling your hair out.

 

[brendanjamesstephen]

@rcaper This would be my fear. Too many companies keep changing their wfh rules.

 

[soothsayer]

@rcaper Yep, OP I would see if there is anyway you can have them put this in writing or as a part of any contract or offer letter you may be signing.

My employer was touting work from home permanently with offices available, but totally optional and out of nowhere they dropped a bomb that people are expected to be in 3 days a week starting this summer. Some people had just been hired under this guise that they’d be remote and one person I know of even turned down another job cause it was hybrid where my company was remote… but now they will be hybrid under my company.

 

[naila]

@soothsayer I’ve heard so many stories likes this - yes, in writing for sure!

 

[violagirl]

@soothsayer My old company had been bought out, and the new owners started getting rid of offices and told everyone they would be permanently remote. Well, I just found out they were laying off remote workers if they couldn't return to the office. One lady I know had moved out of state and had worked for the company like 20 some odd years. Can't trust employers.

 

[rebecca25]

@rcaper I doubt they can commit to that. I’ve had it committed too but then they get a new leader who wants different rhythms and it changes

 

[ceruleanbutterfly]

@rcaper This is true, I was hired on one day at the office now 2 years later we're in 3 times a week.

 

[naila]

@rcaper Yes- this is great point - need to get it in writing .

 

[foreverof]

@naila I did this when my first two kiddos were little like that. It wasn't my favorite and I'm pretty firmly in a "WFH forever and ever" place now, but it was manageable.

I took the train, which was crucial for me because my mental health would FOR SURE have suffered if I was sitting in traffic during all that time instead of sitting and reading a book.

The biggest things, imo, are your childcare setup and the people you'd be working with. My MIL would stay with us the night before and babysit that day, and I really liked that arrangement because it was a LONG day for me and my babies got to bond with Grandma, I didn't have to worry about drop offs or pickups or packing anything, etc. I also had a great team of people that I liked seeing once a week.

One thing that was a bummer, though, was how difficult it was to do after-work stuff. I would've liked to participate in more team dinners/happy hours/etc., but I dreaded such a long trip home so late, and I hated being away from my family that much longer.

 

[naila]

@foreverof Yes this is a great perspective. Thankfully we are in a really lucky position to have family nearby that can help in a pinch if the schedule needs another hand