Will my toddler ever stop fighting bedtime? It's been 6 months..

[wingsofeagles2012]

I'm not sure where the best place to post this is but I appreciate you guys so I thought to ask here.

My almost 3 year old used to go to bed so easily. A little protesting here and there but nothing like what it's been for the past 6 months. With occasional exceptions it's pretty much a fight from start to finish.

We try to have a consistent routine that isn't rushed but also isn't overly long and drawn out. Brush teeth, diaper, jammies, a couple books, songs, bed.

When this all started she had just come home from gpa and gma's for a weekend. She came back and was suddenly scared of the dark. Gma said she needed to have a nightlight on to sleep. So I didn't fight it and let her have the nightlight on. She also seemed much more anxious about bedtime and we started laying next to her until she fell asleep. But then it quickly divulged into a constant fight.

At some point in the last 6 months she officially dropped her nap. If she naps at any point for any length of time she won't go to sleep until like 10.

Trying bedtime before 8:00pm is always a failure so we aim for 8:00-8:30pm. Wakeup is around 7:30am.

On one hand I've wondered if she's overtired and why she's fighting so much. But we have played around with earlier bedtimes between 7-8pm without success.

I'm not really sure what else to try or where to go with this. For the first few weeks and maybe even months I thought it was just a phase. However, after half a year I don't think it's just normal toddler independance. It absolutely sucks.

Open to any and all ideas, encouragement, and critiques.

 

[sparker]

@wingsofeagles2012 For tantrums, I don’t enegage in escalation. I let my kiddo self soothe. That doesn’t mean I don’t offer comfort, tissues, hugs, comfort items. I let her know I’m sorry she’s feeling so upset. And in the end skipping a part of the routine isn’t the end of the world. Kid sleeps in day clothes for a night, it’s not the end of times.

Recwntly my kiddo would occasionally refuse even the books, didn’t take more than a couple of times letting her know that is ok and we don’t have to do a book and follow through with that. She stopped refusing the books quick. But I think she enjoyed learning that if she says no, something doesn’t have to happen just because it’s our usual.

She loves when we brush our teeth together. So that’s what we do on more difficult nights. I think being a part of a social activity (like eating together) makes it easier. Less excluding because it makes a routine less of a “these are the steps to being put in my room alone to sleep” and more of a “we all do this before bed”

Choices are good sometimes. These Jammie’s or the other Jammie’s. I set up a standard of play for getting dressed early on and that works for us most of the time. I show her the clothes and tell her how cool it pretty they are, and talk about what’s on them. I peek a boo with her through the head hole of shirts. We “jiggle butt” her pants up. The socks are hungry for feet and must eat them.

Not every thing works for every kid. My first would beg to go to bed early. The youngest is my spicy firecracker, and ten times as difficult, so I’ve gotten very creative.

 

[wingsofeagles2012]

@hopeatl It's often screaming/tantrums the whole time. We will have to physically hold her down to get jammies on. When it's more calm it's like what you described as saying no and not wanting to follow instructions.

 

[donnagreenup]

@wingsofeagles2012 Have you tried giving options of jammies? Instead of telling her it's time to put on jammies just maybe say oooh you wanna wear pink ones or blue ones? Same with teeth brushing. Do you want mom or dad to brush teeth tonight? So she feels like she's making the decisions.

Another thing is my 3 year old at one point cried and wouldn't put on her pajamas or night diaper so I just let her go to bed naked and then I'd go sneak a diaper on her when I went to bed and jammies if needed. She just recently let me start putting them on again before she falls asleep.

 

[jessemorrell]

@wingsofeagles2012 Are you putting the jarmies on in her room? Another thing you could try is moving that part of the routine to another room. Like doing that in the living room. It sounds like she’s getting triggered by the actual routine so maybe changing things up might help some of the tears.

 

[hopeatl]

@wingsofeagles2012 What does her day to day look like? Does she get a lot of good one on one time with you every day (no judgement! I know lots of folks work long hours and are completely drained by the end of the work day). I’ve heard about kids who are in daycare having evening meltdowns with their parents because they’ve been holding in their difficult behaviour all day and finally feel safe letting it out at home. Does she get enough time to get outside and run around and do free play? Do you warn her that a transition is coming up before you try to move on to the next stage of bedtime? Have you tried any of the tactics from How to Talk so Little Kids will Listen?

I’m just throwing out random ideas, you’re probably already set on all of this but maybe there’s something to consider? Maybe she’s just going through a difficult toddler phase though and there’s nothing to be done. Definitely don’t be hard on yourself, it sounds like you’re already going through a lot.

 

[wingsofeagles2012]

@hopeatl I just came across that book and wanted to check it out.

I'm home with her and my baby all day. I feel like she gets some decent one on one time with me but it's possible that what I think is enough isn't enough for her.

Thanks for all your ideas

 

[pittykat12]

@wingsofeagles2012 I immediatly thought of that book as well! I am still reading but so far it seems very helpful with lots of techniques and examples.

 

[hopeatl]

@wingsofeagles2012 Hang in there, my daughter is the same age (and I have a baby due any day) and I know this motherhood stuff can be so so so hard. My patience has been worn so thin lately but it helps me to remember “she’s not giving me a hard time, she’s having a hard time.” She doesn’t know how to manage her emotions or cooperate yet. If you’re open to TV we also do a lot of learning about social/emotional stuff from Daniel Tiger. PBS is free and they have an app for your phone or you can find a lot of good episodes on YouTube and other places.

 

[torn12]

@wingsofeagles2012 Someone already suggested How to talk so kids will listen and I want to also suggest hunt Gather parent. There's a killer section in the back about sleep. The whole book is good too tho

 

[wingsofeagles2012]

@torn12 Oh that's awesome! I'm about halfway through the audiobook and have been wondering if there's a sleep section. Thanks!

 

[wingsofeagles2012]

@torn12 I just finished that section. I guess worse thing is we try it and it doesn't work haha. Did you follow her recommendations? How'd it go for you?