@babwryter Since writing my post, things changed for the better.
My company is based in a country that culturally is very direct and assertive. So I was fucking direct about it. To multiple people. I had a conversation with the director of HR about it (HR here is actually pretty decent and does support employees). I had a separate conversation with the COO and, separately, the CTO, both of whom value my expertise and my judgment. Also to a VP or two.
I've also gotten in the habit of making sure anything "high priority" gets the official signoff of leadership. So I'll slack the CTO, COO, and maybe a VP and say "hey, I understand this is high priority. Task X is going to have to wait as a result of that. Is that cool?" and I make them take ownership for the prioritization.
As a result: I got a bunch of shitty tasks taken off my plate, a small raise, and support for hiring staff. Company leadership (VP level and above; I'm just below that) had an all day meeting about company priorities, and my priorities are now company priorities.
I mean, there were reasons this worked, but I'm super happy now:
- I'm a subject matter expert that the company would suffer greatly without.
- I know how to make an argument that they'll listen to; they care about employees' well being but they really hear "shit isn't going to get done".
- I work for a company where such assertiveness is welcomed and encouraged. There's no weird gender double standard, either. Or at least I'm actively ignoring it.
- Leadership is actually pretty cool and willing to own their mistakes and decisions.
- I'm unwilling to work 80 hours a week because fuck that noise. It'll burn me out and relieve management of the consequences of their poor decisions. 50-55/week is MORE than reasonable.
I love my job.