When is time to sever rights?

@heavensvoice There's been plenty of opportunities. In fact everyone I know is saying I'm too nice. I'm the one who tries to get her on the phone to video the baby. I'm the one who reminds her of visits and practically blows her phone up when Baby is ask8ng for her. I'm always trying to make time and she always flakes and doesn't answer. My problem is if I wait around any longer on the small chance she'll get better there's a greater chance she will do what she has been doing. And then my son will be 5 or 6 and able to remember when she dips out of his life again. I'm telling you everyytime it happens she promises it will never happen again then it does. I don't expect her to never relapse but I do expect her to accept the help that is being given and to be honest with the people that are trying to stand by her.
 
@apostoliclife I’m not saying you have to hold her hand through being a parent. I’m saying you advocate for your child. Your ex is an adult. They aren’t your priority.

Offer a schedule for visits and if she shows up then great. Use a visitation centre if you don’t want to supervise.

I’m just saying don’t cut her off completely. It’s not necessary all or nothing when your dealing with an addict. You need strong boundaries.
 
Yep did this too. When our son was born she tested positive for drugs and because she was promiscuous they ordered a test and found I was the father. I got put on the. Are too but I won back my rights in 8 months. They terminated her visits due to lack of attendance to supervised visits, nodding out at visits, and just plain not answering or responding g. Failed all her skill sessions. Didn't do ANY of the online workshops. See this is my whole point is this aint the first rodeo... or the 2nd.. This has been a constant cycle. It's not like she did her 1st bad thing so I responded with taking her son.
 
@apostoliclife Stop bailing her out and helping her with stuff like paying her rent. You might think it helps, but in this case it’s obviously just enabling her to do what she wants vs getting back on her feet and paying her own way. And don’t be in a relationship with her, you deserve better. Don’t leave her unsupervised with your son and if you think she’s high then don’t let her around at all. She needs to be the one to get healthy and step up though, you can’t force someone to be a parent.

I think you’re rightfully angry rn, but give it some more time on the whole parental rights thing. It actually isn’t that easy to terminate them, you’d have to be married and have someone lined up to adopt him or she’d have to be a serious danger to him.
 
@lily_lost Well I didn't know she was using the few times she saw him without me. I stopped sending her money a while ago. Even told her not to bother paying it back since it won't happen but she swears by it then it doesn't happen. But yeah I'm hearing how difficult it is. The good thing is that I have full legal custody so at least I have full control over how much she will see him and I and I can play it by ear. By the way there was a DCS (cps) case at the beginning that was closed unsuccessfully. She's been to prison 3 other times, number 4 coming up in 2 days. She has documented Emotional Disorders/anger problems. In just the last year she's getting dui and drug charges left n right. Been on probation 8 times and finished successfully 0 times. Has been kicked out of EVERY halfway house/sober living she has lived in. Keeps a violent ex around (who is actually one of the guys she's fucking) who shot a gun off in the house when they were arguing. She's a danger dude.....
 
@apostoliclife Oh yeah, I wouldn’t let her near my kid dude. I totally understand you care for her and I know your son loves her, but being around all that is not in his best interest. You’ve been super understanding and lenient with her and she’s taking advantage of the empathy you have for her as a struggling addict and the mother of your child. Let her jump through the hoops of proving herself to the courts for any further visitation. Luckily it sounds like he has a great dad who really cares about him, someone once said all a kid really needs is one present and healthy parent when I was struggling and it’s really true.

I’m also codependent and dealt with an abusive and lying ex so I know it’s difficult. CoDA or Alanon might help if you still participate in 12 step meetings, they’ve helped me before. Maybe counseling would help your little or family counseling for both. I wish you and your son the best!
 
@apostoliclife My advice: do NOT have more children with her. Find another woman. She is an addict who does not care enough to get sober. I was a full blown alcoholic before I got pregnant at 21 and vowed to never drink again when I found out. Cold turkey. Rehab couldn’t even do that for me because I refused it. Some women just don’t want it bad enough. And I had very valid reasons for being a drunk and constantly drinking. Trauma from SA, domestic violence, abandonment, surviving being almost unalived by my ex. Lots of trauma. All I wanted to do was drink and pop E pills and I had no job cuz my grandpa was financing my habit because he drinks excessively everyday as well. But I cared enough to quit for my child. She got it bad
 
@blondebriana Thank you.... and no I certainly don't want more anything w her. Of course it hurts what she did to me but I told her I could get past it. It's what she's doing to my son that kills me. Especially when he asks for her over n over. At this point I put her on block as hard as it is cuz I have a lot of pride and I DEMAND answers when I'm wronged and she never cooperates and I end up ruining my day chasing the truth I never get.
 
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