When is it time to give up?

[winter1971]

Kind of a follow-up to this post... https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/comments/1amw4d6/so_much_to_unpack_i_need_help_though/

Oldest Daughter - A

Younger Daughter - J

EX - L

CPS is dropping their case as unfounded. They just need to do home visits sometime this week to double-check. I've spoken to A's therapist multiple times, and she admits that there is a lot of manipulation going on, and A's responses are really weird, but the main concern is the prevent further self-harm. There were photos of the self-harm, and we found a video of it happening, with A smirking at the camera.

I'm being told by L that I am everything that is wrong with my daughter. If I give up all visitation time, they will agree to virtual-only family counseling for me and A. Currently, therapy is all virtual, and I'm not 100% in either instance that L is not sitting just off camera.

But when is it enough? I haven't seen or talked to A since February 1st, and visitation keeps being denied by L despite the judge's ruling that there is no justification for it. She vowed to file again Wednesday to try to get the judge to rule in her favor. When I go to pick A up, there's nobody home. So my 3-year-old keeps asking where A is. And when A doesn't come over, it's just tears. We have court in April for custody, but what happens if the relationships stay the same? Do I bring A into the house with J and a newborn? Do we fight until then for something that neither person on that side wants? And just put up with the pain and absence? Or do I just stop? A's therapist recommends family counseling, but everybody is booked, we're looking at months before starting. I'm so lost. I feel like she's going to miss the birth of her brother, her cat(19) isn't doing well health-wise. We have gifts that we preordered around Christmas time to show her that we listen to her wants that are about to come in. But at 16, she should know the difference between right and wrong. She should know the stress she's putting on her pregnant stepmom, and me. She should be able to understand how much it hurts her sister to not see her. And if she knows, and is willingly doing this, does she really care at all?

 

[klauden]

@winter1971 Is the visitation court ordered? And L is refusing to honor those orders? In many states that is a crime and where I live it is a pretty serious felony offense. I get if you don’t actually want to get police involved but you could at least let your ex know the consequences of not following a court order. Look up custodial interference laws in your state

 

[winter1971]

@klauden Police will just tell me to file a contempt. A has expressed that if she comes over on a visit, she will either try to run away or start cutting again. So nobody wants to push it. I think they're just waiting until court, but April is a long way away. There is also a pending contempt case due to the denial of court-ordered vacation from last year.

But she feels justified in denying the visit because of the threats my daughter has made. There is a history of parental alienation, and its just getting worse.

 

[mikethps%E2%80%A0]

@winter1971 You can maintain your custody right without forcing your daughter to do anything. If you let your ex have full custody she will be able to prevent your daughter from coming to see you. You need to let your daughter know she is wanted in your life. You can do that by not letting your ex trample on your rights.