What do you do to keep yourself sane?

M

mikeytosh

New member
I don’t mean for this to sound complain-y, but I’m one of those people who’s mental health deteriorates when I don’t get out & about on the regular or have something stimulating my brain. I have a 4 month old daughter and as much as I love spending time with her, I am a single mum, and the lack of socialization & getting out is driving me a bit crazy.

When she’s asleep or just doing her own thing playing with toys or someone else is taking care of her, I have no idea what to do with myself. Usually I end up either sleeping or doomscrolling on my phone.

So I thought I’d ask, what do you all do?
 
@mikeytosh That’s a great age for getting out and about, and they’re just happy to be with you so they don’t have opinions about where you go yet (unlike my 3 year old!). Go walk around a farmers market, do some shopping, go see friends. I hear that baby wearing is good, though my baby never tolerated it.
 
@mikeytosh You are only 4 months postpartum. You have a tiny baby. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

I suggest babywearing and just going out and doing whatever you like until she has a solid nap schedule. Go shopping, get lunch with friends, go hiking, anything.
 
@mikeytosh Can you just go out? I know parents like this and they take baby (or 2+ kids - I know a mom with 5mo twins who takes them out every day) out all the time to maintain their sanity. Library, playgroups, errands, lunch with friends, walks around town, etc etc. You don’t have to stay home every day if you don’t want to! My daughter loved going out and seeing new things even at a couple months old. And IMO learning to nap on the go is a valuable life skill for kids - 2nd and 3rd kids always seem to pick it up quickly, there’s also no reason to chain yourself to the house for your first child’s nap schedule.
 
@heloise23 This!!! I take my 1 year old and 3 out and feel so much better when we get out regularly and I get to see friends and other grown ups. I’ll add that we basically only go out to things that I also enjoy. We tried mommy and me swim but it wasn’t for me so we didn’t continue. I don’t do child centric things that I dislike or go to kid places I can’t stand. The kids like anything we do, especially if it’s outside. It can be so basic like library story time it doesn’t have to be fancy classes or spending lots of money on place places. Finding a local mommy and me exercise class at the park has been the best. They’re all over the country it’s a franchise called Fit4Mom.
 
@bobdudley You’ve got the right idea! We go to the library twice a week, I’ve never done a paid class but her favorite thing to do that she talks about all the time is hanging out at our local coffee shop.
 
@mikeytosh Join a book club! I’ve gotten really into reading lately and it’s been great. Also find some mom and baby classes. Great for socializing and making friends
 
@mikeytosh I was feeling so nutty when my daughter was that age. I never realized how much I like going out until I had a baby. Somethings you can do

Walk around the park
Grab coffee and read a book at a cafe
Go to farmers markets
Be a tourist in your own town- visit museums and local attractions
Walk around the mall in the early hours before the stores open and it’s mostly empty
Join a mom workout group (fit4mom is a national group)
Libraries often have “baby time” story time

At that age I put my daughter in music and swim class (yes swim, so silly/ do not recommend). I also did series of first time mom education class so I met lots of other moms with newborns that way.
 
@mikeytosh Therapy via zoom/from home while babe is asleep or occupied has been extremely helpful for me. In my opinion, a good therapist will become your ally and help you figure out how to get what you need & want. They are on your side and will listen while you empty out your anxieties, unload past traumas, fears, etc. and make you feel less crazy/(insert yucky feelings here).❤️

As far as developing hobbies that feel achievable, I’ve been working on that (I just can’t scroll for very long anymore, I realized it’s not giving me what I need.) I just started using the Hoopla streaming & audio book (& more) service for free through my library and I’ve been enjoying listening to audiobooks; specifically the “graphic audio” ones where it’s kind of like listening to a fiction podcast with a cast of characters & voice actors. This has been fun! I’m also getting back into drawing a little and both of these things have been helping me feel better, feel more like myself again (and not just a 24-7 caregiving machine).
 
@mikeytosh Audiobooks for free via the Libby app + my library card & a good walk either via the All Trails app, or just our neighborhood, or the mall in the winter!
 
@mikeytosh I learned to crochet. I wanted something to keep my mind engaged but was not too taxing and that I could pick and put away on the fly. So far it’s worked out really well!
 
@mikeytosh I go and get a coffee. I became a regular at a local shop, it's welcoming and makes you have some adult interaction. I treat myself two times a week, we get it and go for a walk as she gets older we can sit down and enjoy a treat together.
 
@mikeytosh Libby. The free library app on my phone. I have a card and I check out books and read them whenever I can. They have free audio books too so you can listen and do other things.
 
@mikeytosh I went to the mall for walks, and l signed up for baby music classes and baby swim classes that are each once a week.

We'd do the grocery shopping and walks around the neighborhood.

4 months is great because they're just starting to see stuff good and everything is new! And they're still a potato so easily transportable. :)
 
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