Weekend away from a breastfeeding toddler [x-posted from r/breastfeeding]

[glbpellum]

I originally posted this in r/breastfeeding but wanted to post it here too for an AP perspective. LO hasn't been away from me longer than a day at daycare and still nurses frequently when she's with me. Staying with grandma seems like the best solution to our situation but the thought has me really anxious.

Tl;dr How hard is it to leave a 17 month old for a couple nights (or more?) who still nurses frequently? Best friend is getting married out of state, and both DH and I have pivotal roles in the wedding party. I am not sure how to bring her with us and the thought of leaving LO for more than a day fills me with anxiety--I am especially worried about interrupting our nursing relationship and causing her to wean early. Are my worries overblown? Will it be ok to leave her with grandma for a few nights?

The long version:

My best friend is getting married in November and both DH and I are both in the wedding party (I'm MOH and DH is officiating, so pretty pivotal roles...). We agreed to this both pre-baby and pre-covid, and as first time parents we figured we had time to figure out how to bring LO along (she is currently 14 months, will be 17 months in Nov). However, now 3 months out, I just don't see how bringing her will work. Besides logistical issues of what to do with LO while were both in the ceremony, it will be the middle of cold and flu season, not to mention possible delta variant concerns (esp because it's in Texas, which hasn't been handling things great...)

So that means leaving LO for a bare minimum of two nights with grandma. The thing is she still nurses quite frequently. She goes to daycare so is used to being away from me for most of the day, but she still nurses morning and evening, and at least 2-3x a night. (On the other hand this is still 3 months away, which is a long time developmentally speaking, but I can't begin to guess how she'll change...).

I'm really worried that best case it will be a miserable couple of nights for both LO and grandma with LO crying the whole time, and worst case I would come back to find that she weaned early. I'd really like to nurse until at least 2 (or as long as she wants) and I would be devastated if I ruined our nursing relationship like that. But I just don't know what else to do, unless I bow out of the wedding to stay home with LO and break my friends heart.

Is the weekend with grandma feasible? I am really hoping my worries are overblown. Assuming it is, is there anything we could/should do to prepare? We're considering night weaning after 18 months, but I don't want to rush it just for this one weekend. The other complication is grandma lives out of state, which makes it hard to do a trial run.

 

[lizmoshes]

@glbpellum Any option to maybe have grandma come to where the wedding is and watch your girl during the wedding festivities but still have her with you at night? Grandma can order in takeout and enjoy some bonding time with grand baby without worrying about having to clean up after anything, and you guys can enjoy the wedding but still spend your night with your little lady a bit more stress free?

 

[glbpellum]

@lizmoshes We were considering that, but with cold and flu season we're nervous about her traveling at all. It's very likely she may be sick from daycare, and bringing a sick baby on an airplane/to a wedding in the middle of a pandemic seems like a bad idea. Plus the delta variant is picking up steam and Texas (where the wedding is) isn't known for its covid handling.

 

[nelxoxox]

@glbpellum I left my 15 month old for two nights and had the same concerns as you. She did great! Completely fine. I had a small stash of pumped milk for her, not a lot because my supply isn’t what it used to be. I think she had 4 oz for each day. I thought that wouldn’t be enough at all because she still nurses a lot. Grandma reported everything to be fine. She did nurse like a newborn when we reunited though so I could tell she missed it! Go, have fun, everything will be okay!!

edit- spelling error

Edit- also I totally understand your worries and anxieties about leaving your little one. I was extremely anxious as well and honestly never thought I’d leave her for a night until she was much much older, but I did and only at 15 months!! I’m actually proud of myself for doing so. It is like ripping off a bandaid. You have to trust grandma and know that she has your babes best interest in heart and the bonding time with other people is crucial. When I think back on my childhood, my grandma had me every weekend and that created such a rich relationship. It’s honesty like ripping off a band aid - you just have to do it, as long as you know babe is with someone you trust. We have to let go sometimes. I also know mamas who have babies the same age as mine and they left their babes for long weekends when their babes were not even close to one year old yet!! That gave me some sort of confidence too. I know a lot of people are really tight on not leaving your baby for a couple of years, but it’s truly all personal and up to you and no one else’s opinion should matter.

 

[nelxoxox]

And it won’t ruin your nursuing relationship!! I thought the same thing and that terrified me but if anything she started nursing even more when we reunited lol

 

[glbpellum]

@nelxoxox Thank you, this is really encouraging! Was your LO still nursing a lot at night at the time? One of my biggest worries is how she'll do at night since she still nurses 2-3x, but I don't really want to rush night weaning.

 

[nelxoxox]

@glbpellum She was nursing twice a night but apparently slept through for grandma. Woke up once and grandma gave her cuddles in place of milk.

 

[hopes746]

@glbpellum Hi! I found your post because I was about to post something very similar. Do you mind sharing if you went to the wedding, and how everything went?

 

[glbpellum]

@hopes746 Hi! Yes, we went to the wedding and the tl;dr is that my worries ended up being overblown; it was tough being away for the first time but ultimately everything worked out!

- We went for the bare minimum of two nights; I was really anxious at first but trusted MIL and knew kiddo was in good hands. And even with the wedding chaos it was nice to get a bit of a parenting break for the first time in 18 months!

- I pumped morning and evening to maintain supply (and dumped since kiddo was old enough there was no reason to try to save the milk--dumping was still painful though T_T); my breasts were pretty uncomfortable by the end of the trip, but I had plenty of milk for her when I came home.

On the home front, MIL brought reinforcements: FIL as well as her mom (great grandma). MIL was able to catch up on sleep during the day while FIL and great grandma helped out. Sleep was rough (kiddo's schedule was pretty upended--fitful sleep at night, and monster naps during the day) but she recovered in a couple days; it sounded like kiddo missed us the most at night, but grandma was always there for her and otherwise she had a lot of fun with her grandparents. She still has a great bond with them!

We picked up breastfeeding without a hitch when we came back. I eventually night weaned her gradually just after she turned 2, and now at 3 she *still* asks to nurse a couple times a day, so the trip didn't interrupt anything in the slightest haha

Everyone's situation and kids are different, but hopefully this gives you some encouragement. Best of luck to you!

 

[hopes746]

@glbpellum Thank you so much for the reply! I’m glad everything worked out for you. I think the only additional thing I have to deal with/figure out is cosleeping but we could probably stop doing that over the next month.