Waiting is hard, I want to be a young mom..

[zachery]

Before I get the typical hate comments I did when I posted this almost 3 years ago, I'm going to clarify that I'm not going to TTC now. I don't have the financial or emotional stability for a child. I'm just venting. Now that that's over and done with...
I'm 19 years old with a 20 year old boyfriend of 7 months, I'm a health science major for LPN nursing. My goal is to get my ADN and then a specialty after a year of working, so I'm planning to be done with school entirely in about 4 years. If I could count the amount of times someone told me that I would change my mind about wanting to be a mother so soon, I would have enough money to have a baby already. I've had the strongest baby fever since I was 14 and sadly it won't go away. No matter who I talk to, what I watch, I can't remove the yearning I have to raise a miracle of my own. It makes me so pissed, because I don't know why I want a baby so bad. It's definitely not 'hormones' because most Gen Z women my age want to vomit at the thought of having children. I try to keep this struggle to myself because when I talk this way and people see how young I am, they don't take me seriously. This sucks. I wish I could fast forward time. How do I calm down the fever? Any tips? Much appreciated...

 

[peterjames]

@zachery I’ve felt just like you for most of my life, knowing that I wanted to be a mom so bad. For me it did ebb and flow. There were times in my 20s I was very glad to have few real responsibilities.

 

[nathanielames]

@zachery I was just like you at your age. It’s just how you are, and that’s fine. It’s not hormones or weirdness or anything but your personality. But honestly, I am SO glad I didn’t have a child before now. I wouldn’t have been able to give the kid what they needed and deserved.

 

[cisty]

@zachery One, I don't think it's fair that you got all those comments so I'm sorry for that. Although I'm sure glad you waited, my baby fever was really bad at 16 and `19 and although it has significantly died down since I'm a "real" adult in the "real" world dealing with mortgages and health insurance and appliance repairs, I definitely remember feeling just like you.

I've found gratitude to be one of the best tools. I list out all the things I'm grateful for about my life right now and try to live in each moment as it comes. Sounds simple but the intentionality of it has really changed everything. The other thing is unattachment; instead of getting mad at myself for having whatever feelings I try to just say "oh that's interesting, I really wish _ this today" and try to move on.

I've also gone through phases of blocking/stopping consumption of any baby/parent content and logging off social media in general if needed. A couple months off every once in a while does a world of good.

 

[zachery]

@cisty Thank you so much

 

[sweettea]

@zachery Girl same. I had baby fever as a teen, thinking if other girls could do it then I certainly could. I even went through my current relationship thinking, if it happens, it happens. Although I did have birth control the whole time.

Now I'm a month away from our TTC date! You'll get there too

 

[rosepearl]

@zachery I say the hell with what your Gen Z thinks, have babies.

 

[sportmom]

@zachery It's tough. I've always known that my goal was to raise a family and I have been very open with my now husband about that since we met. We were 19 when we got together and I knew I wanted kids then but I was in school and wanted a career for myself too (I want a family but do not want to be a SAHP).

I found that making other (non baby) related goals helped the months and years pass by quicker. Whether those goals are health, school, travel, finances, etc it helps create goal posts along the way.

 

[filterhouse]

@zachery I can somewhat relate—my baby fever ramped up when I was 23/24, so a bit older than you but still quite young in the scheme of things and waaay earlier than my friends (even now at 27/28 none of my friends understand the desperate desire). It sucks when you have these intense feelings and the people around you judge you for them or you feel like you can’t express it to them.

What I try to do to help when I have these feelings is think of all the things I love doing right now that would be more difficult with a baby: video game marathons with my SO where we spend the whole weekend switching the controller back and forth, sporadic dinner nights where we run out the door on a whim, binging tv shows together that are definitely not suitable for little ears, being able to take work trips without worrying who will care for a little. Of course there are so many other things that I’m excited to have a bean for, but for now I’m trying to relish in the little things I know I won’t get back (at least for a while) once we take that step.

Also, like the other commenter said, try not to berate yourself too much. Be kind to yourself. It’s totally normal to feel like this (that’s why this sub exists!!) and try to sit in those feelings instead of getting mad at yourself for feeling that way. I’ve learned sometimes what I need is to just sift through all the baby subs here and “try to learn” as much as I can so I have the knowledge before baby!

Edit:spelling and to add, also if you think it’s good for your mental health taking a break from the content is a good idea too, like @pepperup22 said. I’ve had to do that before and it def helps

 

[emmamaka]

@zachery I know the feeling. I'm 23 and my partner (of 4 years) and I have strong baby fever. However, with the things we want to do first (buy a house, get married, give my career a good start) we are hoping to try in about 3 years. I've had strong baby fever since I turned 20. Before then I really craved being around babies and toddlers, but the fantasies were focused on having a baby sibling rather than my own child!

Can't really offer advice on dealing with it. Sometimes I am active on name forums, think about what I would name my kid, look at clothes or toys I might buy them. Other times I try to avoid that.

 

[katrina2017]

@zachery Im in a very similar boat. Its so hard and no one my age i try to talk to about it understand. Our time will come. Try to focus on each day and keep busy.

 

[ace17]

@zachery I don't think you can really calm down the fever. I had children both when I was younger and older, and even for a guy, the itch is still there. My oldest was born when I was 20 and she was 16, we were married after knowing each other just six months, and she was pregnant not even two months after we met.

With that said, you need to weigh your options. Everyone says, I can't afford a child, but really, unless we're making six figures, who can afford children. It takes a village to raise them, but I would not trade it for anything. Being a parent is the best feeling in the world.

If you ever want to chat feel free to reach out and we can discuss more, I have six kids, and one step daughter, ranging from 10 - 29, and I'm trying to have one more with my wife now....