Unsure About Second Baby due to Birth Trauma

[differentviews]

Hello!

Just as the title states I’m honestly trying to figure out if I am OAD or would like a second baby. My birth was a traumatic experience and quite honestly I don’t know if I want to risk doing it all again.

My first pregnancy started out great, no major symptoms (just regular things- nausea, food aversion, fatigue) and stayed normal until my third trimester. During which I developed Cholestasis. If you’re unfamiliar, it’s a condition in which my liver stopped being able to properly filter toxins so bile was ending up in my blood stream. Besides being the most physically uncomfortable I have ever been (a few weeks of uncomfortable itching with no relief especially at night), if liver enzymes are high enough it could result in stillborns. I brought up the itching with my OB and she scheduled an induction at 37 weeks.

Anyone who has had an induced labor can probably tell you that it’s a 0/10 experience. I was in labor for 30 hours and pushed for 3. Probably five-ish hours into labor, I developed preeclampsia and the doctors told me I was at seizure and stroke risk. I was put on magnesium which kicked my butt and made me feel like I was run over again and again for the next 20+ hours.

Preeclampsia was and still is a huge fear of mine. I watched my sister and her struggle with it which resulted in her first baby being born at 32 weeks and a two month stay in the NICU. Her second she had to be on medicine and bed rest the entirety of her pregnancy so they could monitor and control when he went into labor.

I fully realize my brief bout with preeclampsia is not on that level, but it’s terrifying that it could be next time. Both the preeclampsia and cholestasis have increased chances I will have it again since I had it with my son. I can’t help butbe afraid of what a second pregnancy could look like for me or the second baby. Or even especially if I develop cholestasis earlier, I will be in misery being touched by my current son and that seems incredibly unfair to him.

I’d just like some perspective from people who have experienced traumatic births first or second hand and why or why not you had a second baby. How did you weight out the risks?

 

[christ4dummies]

@differentviews Wife was induced with first at 37 weeks, brutal 2 day labor ending with a emergency csection, then recovery was worse. Developed many post csection problems. Kid is 4 now and doing well. Next labor was better medical staff no induction, let us go to 41 weeks, still needed a c section after 6 hours of labor though due to blood loss and a tear, c section went great, worst part was placing of the epidural which took 4 tries. Wife says she is so happy we had another and our baby is adorable and pretty much perfect. She was really traumatized from the first birth but feels even though the second birth was a challenge it was worth it because it helped her heal psychologically from the extremely traumatic first birth. Just sharing our experience, good luck in whatever you decide.

 

[differentviews]

@christ4dummies I don’t think I’ve ever looked at it from the point of view that the second one could heal me from the first. If I have a second I hope that’s the case. I’m glad everything worked out for you and your wife even better the second time around.

 

[stelar]

@differentviews I’m so sorry you experienced that. Totally understandable that the experience would make you really think through going through another pregnancy and delivery. I had a traumatic delivery with my son (he’s 4 now). I was pushing (everything went great up until that point) and he got stuck in a position that compressed the cord. I was rushed in for an emergency c-section under general anesthesia. He needed resuscitation after birth, but ended up being totally fine. I ended up hemorrhaging, needing multiple blood transfusions, and ended up with a pelvic abscess due to how quickly they had to cut into me. I ended up having to stay in the ICU stepdown unit after my son was discharged and I was re-admitted a couple weeks later due to my infection. Took a lot of time to heal physically and even longer to heal mentally and emotionally.

After years of therapy with an amazing therapist, I finally felt ready to try for another. My husband and I actually ended up having to do IVF and I just found out I am pregnant with baby #2. Obviously it is super early, but wanted to share that I considered being OAD for a while because I couldn’t fathom risking anything like that happening again. The things that have given me comfort in coming to our decision to have another is that I feel better prepared after my experience to advocate for myself and know a bit more about how things can go sideways during a delivery. I plan on working with my OB to have plans in place to minimize the potential for a similar situation.

Good luck with whatever you decide. For me, time and therapy were the biggest factors for healing.

 

[bwtbrandon]

@differentviews I had a traumatic birth experience. There is no reason to believe that another birth would be dangerous, but I still don't want to do it again.