Ttc for about 2 years and I’m irrationally angry

[asatrugirl]

@marty1983 My husband and I have also been TTC for 2 years. Your anger is totally valid, as are any other emotions. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t jealous of my family or friends who have been getting pregnant without any issues. They’d announce it, I’d be happy for them in the initial moments of talking to them, but almost immediately I would switch to jealousy, sadnesses, anger, frustration, etc. Basically the entire rollercoaster of emotions.

I have PCOS and my husband is fine, so we know our fertility struggles lie with my body. I’m the one who has to take all the meds, go through the different procedures, get blood drawn, & get the shots. So I’ve been really hard on myself over the last couple years even though I know deep down that it’s not my fault. It’s not anyone’s fault. But I still blame myself sometimes because there’s no one else I can blame.

But as other people have commented, I’d recommend looking into online forums like this group here, or even others on instagram and Facebook. I joined a few that aligned with the kind of support I was looking for and it was a life changer for me. I even created an anonymous instagram page where I could vent about anything & everything so that I could let my feelings out there and not dump on family & friends that don’t deserve me taking my frustrations out on them. And the community I’ve found that way has really helped.

 

[savi]

@marty1983 It’s ok to be angry. It’s ok to be every emotion you feel. It took my husband and I two years to conceive our son. We were young, healthy… in our prime, so to speak. There was no rhyme or reason why it wasn’t happening. And we tried everything we could on our own to make it happen. And every month I was a mess when I got my period.

My OB (at the time) made me feel so stupid when I got upset and broke down crying at my regular check up when I told her we couldn’t get pregnant. Her reaction and dismissing me still bothers me to this day, many years later.

Unfortunately, sometimes it takes this long. Sometimes longer, sometimes with help. And sometimes it just doesn’t for couples. But know it’s ok to be upset. It’s ok to be both happy for them and so pissed off when others around you become pregnant. I experienced that, too. I hope you have a good support system around you, especially your OB. Just try to keep your head up. We’re all here for you, too

 

[steve3p0]

@marty1983 I’m sorry. It’s heartbreaking. The only thing I could suggest is to realize that there are so many women struggling just like you. The thought that there are many couples who also are trying every month have me a teeny tiny bit of comfort. The only other thing that kinda sorta helped was distracting myself with other life goals.

 

[fangirlinggod]

@marty1983 I feel this so much. I've been trying for a year and I turned 40 recently and I just feel like it's all hopeless. I'm so angry and there's just nothing I can do besides what I'm already doing. The wait for the fertility clinic is like a year long. My sister just had her second child and both times she got pregnant instantly I'm sorry you're going through this, it feels horrible. Sending you love

 

[davidpl]

@marty1983 You are not alone!

 

[breathofdesire]

@marty1983 Couldn't agree more with everything you said. TTC honestly sucks sometimes. I am so tired of hearing "Don't think about it. It will happen then " "Try focusing on losing weight. That will keep you focused" ughhhh. You are not alone with how you are feeling I'm coming up on 1 year of trying and the disappointment of a BFN causes alot more anger than heartache these days.

 

[rosie1970]

@marty1983 Yeah I'm there with you. Sometimes my grief shows up as intense anger.

 

[daveyjoseph]

@marty1983 I flip flop between angry and sad every single day. Life truly ain’t fair.

 

[forestprayer]

@marty1983 I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I completely understand it. I was there a few months ago now it kinda comes and goes. It’s more sadness now than anger but it’s still hard. It’s so hard when you don’t have someone outside of your partner to talk to it about. Well for me it is at least. I hope you can find a doctor that can help you guys. It took us a year to find a doctor to do a thing but tell me to lose weight. Turns out my tubes were blocked. Always advocate for yourself. I hope you get your little miracle soon

 

[selinastella]

@marty1983 I have absolutely felt this way many times, I’ve been TTC for almost 3 years now and last year I found out I have a birth defect where I’m missing half of my uterus and a Fallopian tube and on top of that I have unexplained infertility where I don’t ovulate and they don’t know why.

And yeah, it’s infuriating watching my friends and family members get pregnant so easily and have babies, I know my infertility isn’t their fault but it just feels so unfair. Especially since I’ve been paying thousands of dollars on fertility treatments that haven’t worked and everyone else I know just gets to get pregnant for free. I also went through a time where I really hated my body, like I felt betrayed by it, and I got into the habit of making unfair comparisons between my life and those around me just to justify my feeling like I was less than they were.

I promise you are certainly not alone, long battles with infertility can have very significant psychological effects on people, depression and anxiety are pretty common, and since most people don’t understand how hard it is naturally we end up feeling very alone.

I started seeing a therapist last fall and she’s helped me work on my coping mechanisms and find the language needed for me to express my feelings about this in a healthy and informative way, I also find that talking about it with the people in my life has helped me a lot. I know lots of women like to keep it private, and if you do share it you WILL have people (usually well intentioned) say the wrong things like “just relax” “it’ll happen when it’s meant to” “have you considered adoption?” But generally I’ve found the support I received outweighed the toxic positivity and ignorant comments.

Just in case no one has told you recently, your feelings are valid, this is an unfair situation and is not your fault, you won’t feel this way forever. I’m rooting for you

 

[rameshpothala]

@marty1983 Have you tried intermittent fasting? It worked so well for me.

 

[marty1983]

@rameshpothala I have tried it. I only lost a couple of pounds and it made me sick. So I decided it wasn’t for me after a few months