Try for baby #4 or be done?

[daniel1986]

My partner and I wanted a big family (minimum 3 - which could be small to some people but we live in a high cost of living city so that’s a lot to our peers lol). I’m a SAHM, my partner works in data science and we’re fairly comfortable financially. We have a big enough living space to accommodate more kids, and we have an SUV so that’s also not an issue. In laws live 15 minutes away and so do my parents. We know we want more kids (at least 1 more and seeing how that goes, but pregnancy/delivery hasn’t been great to me):

•Pregnancy 1: chemical pregnancy

•Pregnancy 2 (1 month later): 1 SCH with light-moderate bleeding from week 6-10, slow rising hcg, MMC @ 11+5

Delivery: d&c

•Pregnancy 3 (two months later): 3 SCHs with moderate-heavy bleeding from week 15-23, IUGR, gestational hypertension (didn’t need meds),

Delivery: emergency C-section @ 36 + 3, 1 week NICU stay for baby

•Pregnancy 4 (5 months later, I know, insanity): complete previa (asymptomatic), gestational hypertension (didn’t need meds)

Delivery: planned C-section @ 37 wks, delivered fraternal twin girls & no NICU time needed.

As my OB was stitching me up after my last section, I asked her how my uterus looked because I’m still in my 20s and the possibility of having kids is still in question. She said it looked great and gave me the green light to try again in 2 years (girls will be 1 next month). My partner and I were thinking of waiting until they’re 3, but I’m really scared of having another symptomatic SCH or losing a pregnancy. Did anyone else have complicated pregnancies but carried on to have big families? How did you navigate the challenges? Thanks in advance!

 

[daniel1986]

Update: currently 9 weeks pregnant with baby #4

 

[anushagupta]

@daniel1986 lurking this sub and i’m so glad to see your update! congratulations! praying for a healthy pregnancy, labor & delivery for you and your baby!

 

[daniel1986]

@anushagupta Thank you!! Much appreciated!

 

[daniel1986]

Thought I would update this again - baby #4 was born in March! 7lbs 4oz

 

[daniel1986]

For anyone here who’s commented (or not): did you regret your choice to push through despite the complications? Did you feel at peace with where you stopped?

 

[izakb]

@daniel1986 So. My first pregnancy was pretty normal. A little preterm labor, but nothing that didn't settle with rest.

My second pregnancy was a nightmare. Partial placental abruption at 29 weeks. Bed rest and lots of trips to the hospital to stop preterm labor. Baby came at just barely 36 weeks. The doctor said we could have more, but it would probably be best if we waited 5 years.

Five years later we have pregnancy #3. Preterm labor started at 23 weeks this time. Yay! More bedrest. More trips to the hospital to stop it. Lots of meds. Lots of stress. THEN when he finally decided to make his entrance into the world I had to be induced. Of course, that's when the real trouble started, I hemorrhaged and almost died. Doc did an emergency D&C, found out my uterus is wonky, fixed the bleeding, said it would probably be smart not to have any more kids.

When I went back for my regular lady doctor appointment about 9 months after having my 3rd the doctor (the one who saved my life) said that I wasn't ovulating anymore. I was still getting my period regularly, but there were no eggs.

Just to be safe the husband and I used condoms as birth control.

Eleven years later we became one of those 1% for whom condoms don't work. Turns out that if you've been married for 20 years you shouldn't buy the Costco Size pack of condoms, those suckers expire!

So then we had our little caboose. I was very much older, very much more sore, and very happy to make my husband an appointment for a vasectomy.

My recommendation is that if you want another one do it. If you don't want one, take permanent measures. Get your husband snipped.

Edit: Forgot to add: I got the weekly shots with the last kid, that's why I didn't have to do bedrest. My husband gave me a shot in my hip every Friday night. We're party animals.

 

[daniel1986]

@izakb Do they know why you had reoccurring preterm labour?

I’m currently on the IUD so we’re pretty covered, but am debating taking it out at the three year mark so it’ll take a little more premeditation.

 

[izakb]

@daniel1986 They're not sure, but the theory is that it's because I have a bicornuate uterus. My uterus is basically divided in half, shaped like a heart instead of a triangle. So the babies ran out of space. Nobody knew I had this weirdness until the D&C after my third. I didn't have an issue with preterm labor with my last one because I was on the shots. I got into a little fender bender when I was 6 months along and the subsequent tests showed that there was a little placental abruption, so I was put on "restricted activity" but not bedrest.

I like to say that I just wasn't made for the bearing of children.

 

[daniel1986]

@izakb Oh, I’ve heard of that. I heard it can increase your risk of miscarriage too depending on where implantation occurs. It’s so crazy that no one picked up on it until baby #3.

 

[izakb]

@daniel1986 I also have Celiac Disease and get ovarian cysts. Both those things are supposed to mess up fertility. Which is why we were just using condoms after the doc said I wasn't ovulating. We thought our chances of having another were basically 0. We were wrong.

 

[marilynliddell]

@daniel1986 Yes, here’s my time to shine!

1. Low-risk pregnancy, I go in with frequent contractions and give birth two days later at 28+6. Born breach vaginally because her legs were hanging out by the time they got me to the OR. 10 week NICU stay and she came home with an NG tube for another two months.
2. Ectopic pregnancy, lost my left tube.
3. Delivery with the umbilical cord knotted around her neck at 35+6. No NICU stay.
4. Stillbirth at 31+6. Delivered at 32+0.
5. Delivery with the umbilical cord wrapped twice around his neck at 35+2. No NICU stay.
6. Delivery at 35+6. No NICU stay.

I’ve been on weekly progesterone shots since 16 weeks with every pregnancy since the first and still have frequent contractions, especially after 30 weeks, and partial bedrest/ pelvic rest for at least part of each pregnancy. All were delivered vaginally, all within 7 years.

We’re probably done now, but we’re still debating it. The stress is so bad, but kids are so rewarding.

 

[daniel1986]

@marilynliddell I’m sorry for your losses mama You totally get where I’m coming from - it’s crazy stressful but I love my kids and I love being a mom. I wish I had a crystal ball that would tell me what to expect

 

[douglofgren]

@daniel1986 What’s d&c for the first delivery?

 

[freakonaleash]

@douglofgren It’s a dilation and curetage. She had a missed miscarriage and had to have the tissue manually removed

 

[douglofgren]

@freakonaleash Oh my. Thank you for informing me. So sorry to hear OP. Sending hugs

 

[daniel1986]

@douglofgren Thank you I’m at peace with it now but it was definitely hard physically/emotionally for a while.

 

[cowboyup]

@daniel1986 Have you considered adoption? It has its own challenges but I had adopted siblings and love my family.

 

[daniel1986]

@cowboyup Tbh not really. I know it can be pretty expensive, and a friend of my parents had an insane adoption horror story (long story short, the orphanage peaced out with $50,000 of their money). So those two things scared me off.

 

[blazewater]

@daniel1986 Private adoption is expensive and hard and that happens A LOT.

I adopted 3 kids from foster care. It cost me $200/kid for court fees. The state paid all other legal fees and attorney fees. Also my kids have state health insurance until adulthood/a continued subsidy each month until adulthood.
Is hard and if you don’t feel like it’s for you then do not do it but it was perfect for our family. And cost isn’t always prohibitive.