Tips for longing & feeling envious of others?

[eddycharles]

I’ve wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. At 6-8 years old I’d go through my mums old pregnancy book and look at how the baby grows, the bump and all the hand drawn pictures etc. Most of my favourite toys included pregnant Barbie, any baby dolls and any toy that came with babies. If we ever went to see family or friends who had a baby I’d be right there offering to help and wanting to be near the baby. I just love/adore babies and children.
Around 18 it turned into a longing and 7 1/2 years later it’s still as strong but now it’s accompanied by feeling envious and sad. People I know personally and from school etc are having babies and I can’t help but feel like it should be me (it’s silly ofc). I have a partner and we talk about our future but we won’t be getting our own house until next year or the year after as we’re currently saving.

Does anyone else experience these emotions? Is there anything that has helped or do I just have to feel this way for the next 2 years as all I can do is wait patiently until the time is ‘right’?

 

[anitaw]

@eddycharles I honestly have no advice, but you are not absolutely not alone.

I feel these feelings so strongly, its overwhelming. Seeing family members and people I knew growing up announcing their pregnancies and births have made me feel jealousy and resentment I've never known were inside me. I've had to delete many people off of social media because I just can't handle seeing the baby posts every day. I can't even daydream about being a mom anymore without just breaking down sobbing because I feel like that day will never come. And nothing is distracting enough.

It really sucks, and I'm sorry you're feeling this way too. I think I'm going to try and pursue some therapy about it.

 

[km2018]

@eddycharles I’ve had these feelings a lot, it comes in waves. Right now I’m focusing on my work, our wedding and getting healthier for a baby when we are ready (hopefully next year) I’ve felt terrible jealousy and anger towards people that I know are pregnant. My mom’s husband just became a grandfather so she’s automatically a grandmother (something I’ve been hoping to be first with even though I have a brother) and I did not expect her husband’s son to get a girl pregnant. Agh. But now I really try to not let myself think about it or it upsets me more.

 

[eugenspierer]

@km2018 Hang in there. It's okay if it makes you upset. Just accept your feelings but don't act on them. Like don't say anything mean to the girl if you meet her or anything. I am so happy for you that you have already decided that you are going to have a baby. So happy for you.

 

[ysam44]

@eddycharles I don’t have anything helpful either but like the other person said, I feel similarly!! I’ve just tried to sit with these things as they come up and remind myself that it will be right in the future

 

[eugenspierer]

@eddycharles I just googled why can't i stop thinking about having kids and internet led me here. Yesterday night i couldn’t sleep until late because i kept telling my bf how much i want a child. Many people are saying its hormonal or biological clock ticking but i have wanted kids since i was a little girl like age 12 or 13 and always had this urge to carry my child and have them. But the thing is I don't like spending time with other people's kids. But i can develop deep rapport with kids if i get enough time to spend with them. Can somebody tell me what's wrong with me?

The world is horrible place to live both environment wise and politically and i love my unborn child too much to bring them to this world only boil. I am from India, so you get the gist.

 

[km2018]

@eugenspierer Having your own kids will always be different than being around others. But I’ve always been a little apprehensive around kids when their parents are arouns because I’m not sure how their parents would like me to speak with them. But I’ve babysat before and became totally comfortable talking to them. In regards to how the world is at the moment, I’m planning to raise my kid to be very emotionally stable and emotionally intelligent to be able to handle those things and hopefully raise them with some passion to want to help make a change to this world even if it’s just in their own little way. I wish everyone else would do that too, maybe the world wouldn’t be so shitty but , can’t tell others how to raise their kids >.

 

[shadowgun1104]

@eugenspierer There's nothing wrong with you. It's a very, very deep biological urge that many people have - men and women. There are a lot of ways to be around kids and engage with them on an intimate level that may help you feel that wholeness without having to compromise your values and ethics (if I'm understanding you correctly) by actually giving birth. You can volunteer with them, work with small children, babysit or nanny, teach preschool, etc.

 

[caveat01]

@eugenspierer Indian here too and I reached this sub-reddit in a similar way! Everything you say resonates. As for the political point, I know its not like any other country out there is perfect but we have decided to work towards immigrating out of here. Which isn't easy either, of course. Further confused when I think whether we should have a kid before or after leaving this country.

Also I don't think anything is wrong with you. I too like spending only limited time with others' kids, but can form a rapport. I think its mostly because when I meet friends/family who have kids, I am often more interested after a point to connect and bond with my friends/family, and so feel saturated with the time spent with the kids and need more elders bonding. I am confident it will be different when its my own kid.

 

[delurkish]

@eddycharles I also don’t really have advice, but you’re not alone. The wait is HARD - many of my friends are pregnant or have had babies already, and I’m definitely envious too! I think about it all the time, just like you. I just try to remind myself that there are things that need to happen before we try, and those things will ensure our baby has a good life. I’m planning on completing a second degree (thankfully only 1 year long), getting rid of all my personal debt, and starting a savings before we try. All those things will set my child up for success - it would be detrimental if I didn’t!

I hope it’s everything you imagined when the time comes! I hope you’re able to conceive with no issue - as I wish for this entire group. It’s hard to stay patient, I say this as the most impatient woman alive, but it will happen. It will. We’ve just all gotta breathe and know it’ll happen when we’re ready, our partners are ready, and our lives are ready. You know what you’re doing is the right thing - waiting until the timing is good - it’s just so hard to stay patient. You’re not alone friend.