The overturn of Roe V. Wade terrifies me

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aaacosta09

New member
Having an extremely hard time with the overturn of Roe v. Wade. My last pregnancy wasnt the best. I had Gestational Diabetes and I almost died due to Post Partum Ecclampsia. I dont want that to become a reality for me again, what if they find it early this time and my life will be at risk carrying to term? We may be pushing our timeline back because of this. Im so sorry for those of you who are running out of time or live in states where there have been trigger laws going into effect. Ive never been angry that I was born a woman but today has been a tough one.
 
@aaacosta09 I’m having a horrible time. Never been pregnant but what happens if I do get pregnant and do need to terminate for either my health or an issue with the fetus?
 
@aaacosta09 I fucking hate it here :( we’re here because we are all CHOOSING parenthood when it is loved and wanted and a willing sacrifice. The idea of living without that disgusts me to my core
 
@aaacosta09 I’m at high risk of ectopic pregnancy. Like, such high risk that it’s basically a given that it’s going to happen to me at some point. I’m shattered. I feel like I can’t even take the chance to try, now. I want to be a parent so badly.
 
@aaacosta09 I'm terrified too, OP. Years ago I worked with someone whose sister was pregnant and seeking a termination because they found out that the brain of the fetus was growing outside of the skull, making the pregnancy unviable. My coworker was livid because, despite this information that seemed to make it extremely clear that a termination was the best course of action, she was being made to wait for a long stretch of time and attend a series of incredibly pedantic lectures to "make sure that this is what she really wanted." It was horrifying to hear about then and truly terrifying to consider now how much more widespread this experience will become. When it comes to pregnancy, an experience like that is truly my worst nightmare.

Equally alarming is the language included that lays the foundation to overturn things like same-sex marriage and interracial marriage. Logically I feel that this should solidify my desire to have kids, to make sure there are little ones being raised to reject ideologies that pathologize those things. But in my heart, it hurts to think about raising a baby when that sort of thinking is being upheld by the highest authorities.

On one hand, I feel like I'm feeling a million overwhelming things, but at the same time I feel totally numb.
 
@anonymous778 Exactly that. I have a daughter from a previous relationship and I told her what was happening and her reply was "Why does everyone hate women". Thay fucking broke my heart. This is a conversation I never thought or wanted to have. Im still in shock, my husband is deployed so he has no idea whats going on, but he and I need to have a serious discussion about how to move forward.

He is very pro-choice and very pro-my wife surviving pregnancy and childbirth. So we may wait and see how this plays out. I saw that congress could block the ruling and I live in a state where the decision is yet to be made so its a waiting gane for now.
 
@aaacosta09 My husband and I have been on the fence about having a baby for a while, mostly related to fear of not being ready and timing. We kind of stopped caring about prevention as much since we got married in 2020, but we recently decided we were ready to actually start trying.

After today, we're both terrified. I have a high chance of having a high risk pregnancy due to age, and other health factors, and we live in a state with a newly elected Republican governor on the warpath of all things "progressive". My partner is really shaken and doesn't think it's worth risking my life to try and have a child, and for now I agree with him. We've unfortunately decided to stop trying.

I've never been super attached to having a biological child. I've always been interested in fostering and adopting older children, regardless of my ability to get pregnant. But for some reason this decision has devastated me. I've been crying all day and I couldn't put my finger on why.

But the reality is, it's because I lost my choice. Previously, if something were to go wrong in my very wanted pregnancy, I could terminate it in order to maintain my health and try again. Now I have to choose between the chance of having a biological family and my life. I want a child with my husband, but for the time being, purposefully becoming pregnant just don't feel like a safe decision.

I'm sure many of us are having similar experiences and feelings. I'm grateful for this community and I'm here for anyone who needs someone to lean on.

Thanks for letting me vent, I really needed this.
 
@aaacosta09 I had an abortion 3 years ago. My husband and I are now only a few months away from trying for our first, very wanted, child. I knew pregnancy would bring back a lot of the emotions I felt at the time of my abortion. However, I never expected to also be afraid of what happened if I needed to terminate for medical reasons, had a miscarriage that didn't naturally progress, or had to discard embryos during IVF. Not to mention, what if I am unable to get birth control again in the future after I have children? What will I tell my children, if I have daughters?

I feel very lucky to live in a safe state, but I am still terrified of the trajectory this puts our country on.
 
@blessedwith4 You put into words so many of my thoughts. I had an abortion 6 years ago, and I’m supposed to have my IUD removed July 8th to start TTC. With the rising maternal mortality rates in the US and now the concern of no access to birth control, my one and done plan is quickly going back to none. 😓
 
@aaacosta09 CW: mention of recent graduation from the sub

I’ve been wrestling with this all day. Considering pausing TTC right after getting started and coming back to WTT-land to see what happens in my state (GA) — the 6-week ban we had on the books is currently struck down by a federal court but expected to be reinstated soon. That law has exceptions for TFMR and mother’s life/health. There’s talk of whether our legislature will take the opportunity to draw up something stricter now, though. Then there’s the gubernatorial election in November— it could truly go either way. Georgia is very much “purple” now.

I’m terrified at the thought of being caught mid-pregnancy and suddenly left without healthcare, but I also wonder if I should try to hurry up and get a pregnancy out of the way before they have a chance to pass something worse?

If they do pass something worse, my husband and I would need to seriously consider leaving the only state we’ve ever lived in and starting life over somewhere new. It could take a long time to get established.

My stomach has been in knots.
 
@marieb3 CW: recently graduated from sub
I’m in the exact same boat as you in SC , we started this month. We also have a heartbeat trigger bill and our governor has already said that he would sign more restrictive bans which would no include exceptions for rape or incest. He has said that he would not favor any exceptions to an abortion ban, so who knows if life of the mother is included in that. I thought about us taking a pause, but that just feels so fucking unfair after everything we’ve been through. I am just tired of hurdle after hurdle, it’s exhausting.
 
@karma777 I agree 100%. Good to know someone knows how I’m feeling. It’s hard to find someone I know in a similar position.

It’s so soul crushing. Such a basic human desire — to want to have a baby, to be born into a world with medical technology and now just as we arrive at the time we can consider fulfilling that basic desire, the modern technology making that road safer for us to travel is bulldozed. And just to know that these people who overturned Roe/celebrated the decision simply do not care. The people making these decisions for us do not have us in mind whatsoever. Whether we live or die is irrelevant to them. Whether we fulfill our dreams to become parents is irrelevant to them. They want to control us, and that’s where it stops. It’s really, really soul crushing.

The pandemic has robbed us of so much stability and ability to plan for the future, and every one of us in this sub has had our reasons for waiting. And now this. You’re right — it is all so fucking unfair.

ETA: I want to acknowledge that this deep despair I am feeling is in no way new to millions of Black, LGBT, Indigenous, disabled, immigrant, etc. Americans. I, as a cishet whiten woman, know of many human rights abuses perpetuated in this country since its very inception. I have to admit that though I knew, I had never been able to fully place myself in this depths of the despair that I imagine other people have felt for a lifetime— when it comes to reproductive rights specifically and in other areas. Reading my comment back, I realize that I am very self-centered in my
expression, and I felt it was necessary to add this acknowledgment.
 
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