robertfoera
New member
I've been working on what I thought was the easiest item on my TTC todo list this weekend - installing a dishwasher. Holy hell, Mission Dishwasher has turned into a full-on 2 person full-time operation.
We don't currently have a dishwasher, and we don't have a perfect spot for one or a hookup ready. So, first plan is to get a quote from an installer before we buy the machine. I've been harassing my husband for MONTHS to call them. I've saved up all the money for it, so he can deal with the installation. I told him I'm not doing dishes until he sorts it out, so he's been doing the dishes ONCE A WEEK for like 3 months to avoiding calling them. And I don't mean that I've been doing them the rest of the week. He's been saving up the dishes all week, and doing them all in one go. Our kitchen is a disaster. Somehow we are still married.
So last week I flip the calendar over to April and it's the final straw, and I just go full-blown 2-year old and just start spamming him with "Call them. Get us a dishwasher. Do it. Call. Call them." He finally relents. Oh glorious day! Our kitchen will be clean. Think of the counter space! Our diets will improve. Think of the mess-free dinners! Our marriage will be perfect. Think of all the free time! As I'm daydreaming about all this, he returns to burst my bubble. "They just said 'we can't do it'". No elaboration, no alternative options, good day sir.
Who needs an installer anyway? Fuck it, we'll do it live! We can just knock out this cupboard here, cut that down to size, move this pipe over thataway, run the power through here, pull the old switcheroo with the door, sand it down, put a bird on it and DONE! Right? That escalates into a massive fantasy kitchen reno in our heads. Ok wait, hold your horses...this is way too much work just for a dishwasher. Focus!
Ok new plan - buy a portable one. Perfect solution! Research research research. This one looks good, and the price is not too bad. Way less than all those renos. Hold up - $64 for delivery? That's outrageous! FORESHADOWING
Google google google. Oh look, here's one on kijiji for $70, score! DH emails the guy - "yup it's still available, call me tomorrow morning at 11". Next day at 11, we call. He doesn't pick up, wtf?? Keep calling. No answer. Leave a voicemail. Around 11:30 he emails my husband "Had a no-show at 11, so it's available if you want it." Fuck sakes. Pretty sure that no-show was us. No matter! Just get his address so we don't have to dick around on the phone anymore. Ok got the address - 44 Dishwasher St. Look up the directions and...there are 2 houses, on the street, within 1/2 km of each other, that have the same address. One is 44 Dishwasher St. N and one is 44 Dishwasher St. S. I don't trust this guy's information anymore, let's streetview it. Ok, the south house doesn't have a driveway...let's just hope it's the north house. We decide to go straight to the north house and HOPE it's the right one. So we grab some cash and moving blankets and take off...
The north house is about 10 minutes away. We park on the tiny concrete pad in the front. Knock on the door. No answer. OH COME ON. Knockity knock knock. HELLOOO? Anybody HOME?? I have dirty dishes and a fistful of cash!! Hark! an angel appears! He has soft hands and a streak free shine. He comes around from the back of the house. "Are you here for the dishwasher?" There is a god.
We go into the basement apartment in the back, and there it sits. Our dishwasher. It's everything I ever dreamed it would be. The outside looks absolutely ma-hint condish. "It runs great" he says, "just needs a good scrub." Opens the door to reveal the entrance to hell. But for $70 - we can deal with it. Load it into my sweet little hatchback, that I swear to god could fit an entire grand piano in the back, and we hit the road. Stop at a red light and some water leaks out, now my car smells like miracle whip. She's stinky but we love her. We're proud new parents.
Lug her into the house and stand there admiring our spoils for a while. Take a picture to send to DH's mom...but he doesn't tell her how much we paid. "I don't want to tell her until we know it works." FORESHADOWING.
Head out to the hardware store to buy the sink adapter. It's a tiny little piece that you screw into the faucet and it allows you to clamp the dishwasher hose on when you need to run the washer. That's how portable dishwashers (and washing machines) get their water. I had a portable washing machine before...I know what this thing looks like. Feelin fine. Find the plumbing section, find the faucet accessories. Oh wicked, a massive wall of different attachments that all look exactly the friggin same. DH picks up a package - "I think this is the one." "That doesn't look like the thing I had for the washing machine...I don't-" "It says dishwasher." An employee strolls up "Can I help you folks find something?" "Uh yes, we're looking for explain explain explain dishwasher." "Yup, that's the one you need!" "Uh, husband can I talk to you for a second?...I really don't think-" "THAT'S THE ONE YOU NEEEE-HEED! Have a wonderful day!" Pay $12 for it and go home to our bundle of joy.
Spend all afternoon cleaning moldy ground beef and caesar salad tar out of every little nook and cranny. Alright, let's boot er up. Screw in the adapter, alright it fits into the faucet! Attach the hose. Attach the hose. Jam the god damn hose onto the WRONG FUCKING adapter. Back to the store we go.
This time, I pick out the attachment. Another employee shows up to help and we confuse the living shit out of him. Poor guy. He had no idea what he was walking into. Get some burgers on the way home. Stare at the new attachment the entire time, wondering if I made the right choice. Choice in adapter I mean, not my life. I think. Not really that hungry after seeing what came out of the dishwasher. Not sure if I'll ever be hungry again. Some lady a few tables down is talking about mucus. Don't worry, I wasn't planning on eating anyway.
We get home, snap on the hose and it fits! Dear god in heaven it fits! Alright, let's rip some vinegar through this mother. Dump half a jug in. Turn on the tap. Shut the door. Lock and load! Here we go.
Beep! It starts! Oh my god. It's sucking the water from the tap! It's working. This is happening. Best $70 we ever spent! We hug. Kiss. Joke(?) about banging on the dishwasher. Husband leaves the kitchen to let it run. I stand there watching it, marvelling at the wonders of modern dish washing technology. I can hear the water swishing around inside. Click! It shuts off. The GFCI popped. FORESHADOWING.
"Husband!" DH comes back, says it overloaded the circuit. "But I don't think that's how GF-" "It overloaded the circuit! Just plug it into the oven outlet." Seems sketchy, but we have a dishwasher full of sludgy vinegar water and we're frustrated and tired. Doesn't reach. We have to use a power bar as an extension cord. I don't like this. Plug the bar into the oven. It starts! DH leaves and I stand there glaring at this fucking asshole temperamental dishwasher. Trying to fake us out! We don't need your games. The hose clicks and starts emptying water into the sink. The first cycle is done! This is great! It's working! It starts sucking water from the tap again. Ok, maybe it WAS just the GFCI.
Something smells like burning metal and plastic. "HusbAAnd!!! SomethingisburningandIdon'tknowwhattoGET IN HERE!!". Charges into the kitchen. "That's just the smell of hot vinegar." "I really really think it smells like bur-""It's just vinegar, relax." He goes back to his office. I stand there frantically smelling the air, trying to follow my nose to the source. I hear hissing and popping from the bottom of the front panel.
"HUSBAAAAAAAAAAND!" "Awhwh - WHAT NOW??" He grumples back into the room. "Listen to that sound! Something is not right with the electri-" "It's just steam, relaaaa-" And with the most incredible timing, the dishwasher JUST gushes water out the bottom and sides. We run around grabbing towels to soak it up. He switches off the power bar. Grab the mop. Grab more towels. It's still dripping. Towels, more towels! Every towel in the house is now soaking in hot vinegar and broken dreams. Still smells like burning.
It finally stops and we open the door and work on getting the rest of the water out using a Tim Hortons cup and a turkey baster. He notices the gasket is fucking shredded - I don't even know how it held the water in the first place. Not shredded actually...rotted. Black and brown and eaten away. He goes to look for a replacement part on the internet and I keep bastering the chunky acid water into my Timmies cup of filth. Get most of the water out and close the dishwasher door. The noise! The electric hissing and popping! I UNPLUG the power bar and it stops. Definitely smells like burning. There's a section of melted plastic under the door. Husband comes back and tells me the gaskets are $60. I tell him about the noise and he smells the burning. DH: "Probably just got some water in it. We just have to replace the gasket". Dude! We just fucking escaped certain death! Let's get a professional in here! We're unbelievable lucky that we didn't get electrocuted. Fucking kijiji asshole sold us a lemon of DEATH. DH will call a repairman the next day.
He calls a repairman in the morning. "Righto, sounds like you just need to replace the gasket!" "Okthanksbye". "What did the repair man say?" "We can do it ourselves, just need a new gasket." "Did you tell him about the burning or the hissing?" DH doesn't want to call back. He HATES talking on the phone, and so do I.
I bring him into the kitchen to demonstrate the problem. I close the dishwasher door, and as soon as I plug in the power bar, the sound starts and his eyes go wide. The power bar is still off, but I guess it can pull power even when it's switched off? We unplug everything and open up the front panel to look. The casing on the wires is all rotted away at the bottom, they're totally exposed and were sitting in water. Fucking terrifying.
I try to convince DH to call back and use the old "my wife says..." trick. Works like a charm! This is one of the greatest gifts of marriage, being able to use your spouse as an excuse. Repairman says that's not worth fixing. He's done it before and ends up having to come back to repair it like 6 months later. It becomes a weak point. What a nice, honest guy, I am so impressed with this repair guy. Too bad we don't need his services. Good to know he's there though.
Ok, so I guess we're buying a new one. The hardware store with all those helpful associates has it online! Click. Looks like the website is in crisis, we'll try somewhere else. Department store also has it online! Ehhh, they don't sell extended warranties. I do NOT trust things to not go wrong (I'm sure you can see why), so we'll pass on that store. Oooh! Look at this incredibly sketchy, scammy looking website with an overly-descriptive url! But the price is amazing! Only $64 for "white glove" delivery, what a bargain! And you can get a 4 year warranty that looks equally as scammy. Ok, I just want a dishwasher. I've never wanted anything so much in my life. I'm tired. I'm disappointed. I just want this to be over. I'm fucking ordering this, it says if we order today it will be here on Wednesday. Enter credit card information. Click. "Our payment gateway is down, please try again later." Oh for the love of - IS THIS REAL LIFE??? Fucking hell, I'll do it through paypal. Click. Confirmed!
Ba-ding! New email! "Hi this is an email from sketchy ass company telling you nothing helpful, other than the fact that we charged your credit card in full. Some red text that says NOT AVAILABLE. Some more red text that says NOT READY FOR DELIVERY. Something something call to book your delivery today! Thanks! -Management". Wtf, I have to book the delivery after I place the order? But how-? When has this-? Why do I-? Ok I need to get some work done today. I'll email them to see what's up with this later...
"Dear sketchbags, I made the mistake of ordering from you this morning. Can you please tell me if I need to call to book the delivery or if it's automatically set up when I order on line?"
"Dear sweet fool, no we don't automatically set up the delivery for you. We have to ensure the items are in stock prior to scheduling delivery. We will notify you once the items are in stock. At that time you can contact us to book your delivery date. Kind regards, this must be a front, how could we possible stay in business otherwise?"
So...that's about where I am right now. I have to wait until they can tell me if the thing I bought actually exists, and then I can arrange for them to give it to me. Also, they have a 25% restocking fee for cancelled order, even if it hasn't been delivered yet. Wish I saw that before I ordered. Otherwise I would just cancel right now. I really don't trust them to give me a refund though.
Tomorrow is going to be a long day. The things we do for babies. I'm thinking of making this into a children's series called "The Dishwasher Saga" and adding some illustrations. I guess we'll have to wait and see if it has a happy ending first.
Edit: yikes, that looks way longer than I thought it would. I need a journal or something. You don't need to read all that.
We don't currently have a dishwasher, and we don't have a perfect spot for one or a hookup ready. So, first plan is to get a quote from an installer before we buy the machine. I've been harassing my husband for MONTHS to call them. I've saved up all the money for it, so he can deal with the installation. I told him I'm not doing dishes until he sorts it out, so he's been doing the dishes ONCE A WEEK for like 3 months to avoiding calling them. And I don't mean that I've been doing them the rest of the week. He's been saving up the dishes all week, and doing them all in one go. Our kitchen is a disaster. Somehow we are still married.
So last week I flip the calendar over to April and it's the final straw, and I just go full-blown 2-year old and just start spamming him with "Call them. Get us a dishwasher. Do it. Call. Call them." He finally relents. Oh glorious day! Our kitchen will be clean. Think of the counter space! Our diets will improve. Think of the mess-free dinners! Our marriage will be perfect. Think of all the free time! As I'm daydreaming about all this, he returns to burst my bubble. "They just said 'we can't do it'". No elaboration, no alternative options, good day sir.
Who needs an installer anyway? Fuck it, we'll do it live! We can just knock out this cupboard here, cut that down to size, move this pipe over thataway, run the power through here, pull the old switcheroo with the door, sand it down, put a bird on it and DONE! Right? That escalates into a massive fantasy kitchen reno in our heads. Ok wait, hold your horses...this is way too much work just for a dishwasher. Focus!
Ok new plan - buy a portable one. Perfect solution! Research research research. This one looks good, and the price is not too bad. Way less than all those renos. Hold up - $64 for delivery? That's outrageous! FORESHADOWING
Google google google. Oh look, here's one on kijiji for $70, score! DH emails the guy - "yup it's still available, call me tomorrow morning at 11". Next day at 11, we call. He doesn't pick up, wtf?? Keep calling. No answer. Leave a voicemail. Around 11:30 he emails my husband "Had a no-show at 11, so it's available if you want it." Fuck sakes. Pretty sure that no-show was us. No matter! Just get his address so we don't have to dick around on the phone anymore. Ok got the address - 44 Dishwasher St. Look up the directions and...there are 2 houses, on the street, within 1/2 km of each other, that have the same address. One is 44 Dishwasher St. N and one is 44 Dishwasher St. S. I don't trust this guy's information anymore, let's streetview it. Ok, the south house doesn't have a driveway...let's just hope it's the north house. We decide to go straight to the north house and HOPE it's the right one. So we grab some cash and moving blankets and take off...
The north house is about 10 minutes away. We park on the tiny concrete pad in the front. Knock on the door. No answer. OH COME ON. Knockity knock knock. HELLOOO? Anybody HOME?? I have dirty dishes and a fistful of cash!! Hark! an angel appears! He has soft hands and a streak free shine. He comes around from the back of the house. "Are you here for the dishwasher?" There is a god.
We go into the basement apartment in the back, and there it sits. Our dishwasher. It's everything I ever dreamed it would be. The outside looks absolutely ma-hint condish. "It runs great" he says, "just needs a good scrub." Opens the door to reveal the entrance to hell. But for $70 - we can deal with it. Load it into my sweet little hatchback, that I swear to god could fit an entire grand piano in the back, and we hit the road. Stop at a red light and some water leaks out, now my car smells like miracle whip. She's stinky but we love her. We're proud new parents.
Lug her into the house and stand there admiring our spoils for a while. Take a picture to send to DH's mom...but he doesn't tell her how much we paid. "I don't want to tell her until we know it works." FORESHADOWING.
Head out to the hardware store to buy the sink adapter. It's a tiny little piece that you screw into the faucet and it allows you to clamp the dishwasher hose on when you need to run the washer. That's how portable dishwashers (and washing machines) get their water. I had a portable washing machine before...I know what this thing looks like. Feelin fine. Find the plumbing section, find the faucet accessories. Oh wicked, a massive wall of different attachments that all look exactly the friggin same. DH picks up a package - "I think this is the one." "That doesn't look like the thing I had for the washing machine...I don't-" "It says dishwasher." An employee strolls up "Can I help you folks find something?" "Uh yes, we're looking for explain explain explain dishwasher." "Yup, that's the one you need!" "Uh, husband can I talk to you for a second?...I really don't think-" "THAT'S THE ONE YOU NEEEE-HEED! Have a wonderful day!" Pay $12 for it and go home to our bundle of joy.
Spend all afternoon cleaning moldy ground beef and caesar salad tar out of every little nook and cranny. Alright, let's boot er up. Screw in the adapter, alright it fits into the faucet! Attach the hose. Attach the hose. Jam the god damn hose onto the WRONG FUCKING adapter. Back to the store we go.
This time, I pick out the attachment. Another employee shows up to help and we confuse the living shit out of him. Poor guy. He had no idea what he was walking into. Get some burgers on the way home. Stare at the new attachment the entire time, wondering if I made the right choice. Choice in adapter I mean, not my life. I think. Not really that hungry after seeing what came out of the dishwasher. Not sure if I'll ever be hungry again. Some lady a few tables down is talking about mucus. Don't worry, I wasn't planning on eating anyway.
We get home, snap on the hose and it fits! Dear god in heaven it fits! Alright, let's rip some vinegar through this mother. Dump half a jug in. Turn on the tap. Shut the door. Lock and load! Here we go.
Beep! It starts! Oh my god. It's sucking the water from the tap! It's working. This is happening. Best $70 we ever spent! We hug. Kiss. Joke(?) about banging on the dishwasher. Husband leaves the kitchen to let it run. I stand there watching it, marvelling at the wonders of modern dish washing technology. I can hear the water swishing around inside. Click! It shuts off. The GFCI popped. FORESHADOWING.
"Husband!" DH comes back, says it overloaded the circuit. "But I don't think that's how GF-" "It overloaded the circuit! Just plug it into the oven outlet." Seems sketchy, but we have a dishwasher full of sludgy vinegar water and we're frustrated and tired. Doesn't reach. We have to use a power bar as an extension cord. I don't like this. Plug the bar into the oven. It starts! DH leaves and I stand there glaring at this fucking asshole temperamental dishwasher. Trying to fake us out! We don't need your games. The hose clicks and starts emptying water into the sink. The first cycle is done! This is great! It's working! It starts sucking water from the tap again. Ok, maybe it WAS just the GFCI.
Something smells like burning metal and plastic. "HusbAAnd!!! SomethingisburningandIdon'tknowwhattoGET IN HERE!!". Charges into the kitchen. "That's just the smell of hot vinegar." "I really really think it smells like bur-""It's just vinegar, relax." He goes back to his office. I stand there frantically smelling the air, trying to follow my nose to the source. I hear hissing and popping from the bottom of the front panel.
"HUSBAAAAAAAAAAND!" "Awhwh - WHAT NOW??" He grumples back into the room. "Listen to that sound! Something is not right with the electri-" "It's just steam, relaaaa-" And with the most incredible timing, the dishwasher JUST gushes water out the bottom and sides. We run around grabbing towels to soak it up. He switches off the power bar. Grab the mop. Grab more towels. It's still dripping. Towels, more towels! Every towel in the house is now soaking in hot vinegar and broken dreams. Still smells like burning.
It finally stops and we open the door and work on getting the rest of the water out using a Tim Hortons cup and a turkey baster. He notices the gasket is fucking shredded - I don't even know how it held the water in the first place. Not shredded actually...rotted. Black and brown and eaten away. He goes to look for a replacement part on the internet and I keep bastering the chunky acid water into my Timmies cup of filth. Get most of the water out and close the dishwasher door. The noise! The electric hissing and popping! I UNPLUG the power bar and it stops. Definitely smells like burning. There's a section of melted plastic under the door. Husband comes back and tells me the gaskets are $60. I tell him about the noise and he smells the burning. DH: "Probably just got some water in it. We just have to replace the gasket". Dude! We just fucking escaped certain death! Let's get a professional in here! We're unbelievable lucky that we didn't get electrocuted. Fucking kijiji asshole sold us a lemon of DEATH. DH will call a repairman the next day.
He calls a repairman in the morning. "Righto, sounds like you just need to replace the gasket!" "Okthanksbye". "What did the repair man say?" "We can do it ourselves, just need a new gasket." "Did you tell him about the burning or the hissing?" DH doesn't want to call back. He HATES talking on the phone, and so do I.
I bring him into the kitchen to demonstrate the problem. I close the dishwasher door, and as soon as I plug in the power bar, the sound starts and his eyes go wide. The power bar is still off, but I guess it can pull power even when it's switched off? We unplug everything and open up the front panel to look. The casing on the wires is all rotted away at the bottom, they're totally exposed and were sitting in water. Fucking terrifying.
I try to convince DH to call back and use the old "my wife says..." trick. Works like a charm! This is one of the greatest gifts of marriage, being able to use your spouse as an excuse. Repairman says that's not worth fixing. He's done it before and ends up having to come back to repair it like 6 months later. It becomes a weak point. What a nice, honest guy, I am so impressed with this repair guy. Too bad we don't need his services. Good to know he's there though.
Ok, so I guess we're buying a new one. The hardware store with all those helpful associates has it online! Click. Looks like the website is in crisis, we'll try somewhere else. Department store also has it online! Ehhh, they don't sell extended warranties. I do NOT trust things to not go wrong (I'm sure you can see why), so we'll pass on that store. Oooh! Look at this incredibly sketchy, scammy looking website with an overly-descriptive url! But the price is amazing! Only $64 for "white glove" delivery, what a bargain! And you can get a 4 year warranty that looks equally as scammy. Ok, I just want a dishwasher. I've never wanted anything so much in my life. I'm tired. I'm disappointed. I just want this to be over. I'm fucking ordering this, it says if we order today it will be here on Wednesday. Enter credit card information. Click. "Our payment gateway is down, please try again later." Oh for the love of - IS THIS REAL LIFE??? Fucking hell, I'll do it through paypal. Click. Confirmed!
Ba-ding! New email! "Hi this is an email from sketchy ass company telling you nothing helpful, other than the fact that we charged your credit card in full. Some red text that says NOT AVAILABLE. Some more red text that says NOT READY FOR DELIVERY. Something something call to book your delivery today! Thanks! -Management". Wtf, I have to book the delivery after I place the order? But how-? When has this-? Why do I-? Ok I need to get some work done today. I'll email them to see what's up with this later...
"Dear sketchbags, I made the mistake of ordering from you this morning. Can you please tell me if I need to call to book the delivery or if it's automatically set up when I order on line?"
"Dear sweet fool, no we don't automatically set up the delivery for you. We have to ensure the items are in stock prior to scheduling delivery. We will notify you once the items are in stock. At that time you can contact us to book your delivery date. Kind regards, this must be a front, how could we possible stay in business otherwise?"
So...that's about where I am right now. I have to wait until they can tell me if the thing I bought actually exists, and then I can arrange for them to give it to me. Also, they have a 25% restocking fee for cancelled order, even if it hasn't been delivered yet. Wish I saw that before I ordered. Otherwise I would just cancel right now. I really don't trust them to give me a refund though.
Tomorrow is going to be a long day. The things we do for babies. I'm thinking of making this into a children's series called "The Dishwasher Saga" and adding some illustrations. I guess we'll have to wait and see if it has a happy ending first.
Edit: yikes, that looks way longer than I thought it would. I need a journal or something. You don't need to read all that.
But if my account goes silent, you'll know why.