Text from my 14 yr old son

[sheryll]

I don’t know if you heard kids making moans/sex noises, but I can’t stand it. All I did was ask him to stop, didn’t yell or anything else. It wasn’t even a big deal to me.
He has this thing about making things worse. It could have ended there, no issues. He just keeps going and going until I’m close to losing it.
He’s on A/B honor roll, which I’m proud of, but it’s never been an issue with grades, I’ve never been a stickler for grades. He’s on medication for anxiety. I have it as well and I know it sucks. I’ve never made him do anything he wasn’t comfortable with. Mental health days are a thing in my household.

Right after I got the text, I took his phone and told him to never talk to me like that ever again. Beyond that I don’t know what else to do. I’ve gotten to where I just lock my door and stay away from him during these times. He’s at the age of “I know everything and everything bad that happens is your fault”.
I know we say stupid things sometimes, did I overreact?

Here’s the text

I’m not taken my meds no more. It’s a you problem, dear with it an also do you realize what I go through everyday at school. I work my ASS oof to make you feel happy and a the at the same time with all that is being made I have to dear social anxiety every day. So maybe I just want to hang out with my Fucking homies. Jeez… and you guys can’t just let me have so Fucking peace for 2 Fucking Seconds, now can you?!

 

[middlenine]

@sheryll I was really good at dramatics as a teen, and knew exactly what to say to make my mom think she needed to “just let me live my life”. Honestly, I think it’s more worrisome when my kids, teens included, don’t say anything. I don’t think he’s about to lose it. I think he’s testing the waters and trying to get an emotional response out of you.

 

[przemek]

@sheryll This is just kid stuff. I’d let it cool down until tomorrow, then tell him he’s not to talk to you that way.

 

[garberse]

@sheryll My 16 year has said almost exactly the same thing to my face. He started screaming "I just wanna be left the fuck alone!" over and over while crying. I saw in that moment just how much he was hurting, just how much he had been holding inside, and just how much I had not been helping him. I wish I could say it was a movie moment where we hugged and cried together and he opened up to me about everything, but it wasn't. I just stood there silently, unable to figure out the best way to love him in that moment and then we parted ways for the day.

The best advice I can offer is to let everyone cool down and then go to him and let him know how deeply you care for him. Ask what you can do to make the load he is carrying lighter. Ask him if he needs a hug, or a listening ear, or space to himself, or whatever. Be prepared for the fact that he may still be very angry and have no desire to open up to you. He may say more hurtful things. Try not to take it personally and just let him know that you're always there to listen whenever he's ready to talk and then leave his space.

As others have also said, take him to do something fun. Something he enjoys, just the two of you. My therapist has told me that one of the best places for 2 people to talk and open up to each other is while driving in a car. Some of the pressure is lifted because you're not looking at each other. Some of my best talks with my son have happened while in the car just running normal errands and now I know why.