Teen vehicle: I need Co parenting advice on how you handled splitting costs for a vehicle for 16 yo old

mariakat

New member
SS16 is a straight A student, highly driven, Starting Varsity hockey goalie and has practice 5-6 days a week at 4:30 am, then again after school 2 hour practice, followed by an hour of lifting, games every week, plus he trains downtown Minneapolis with an NHL goalie, on top of coaching little kids at a goalie training company.

There's a significant need to get him a car because the commitments to sports make it hard on BM, DH, and me since I'm the one usually taking him to morning practices.

Court paperwork states split vehicle and expenses 50%.

BM has an old Altima that she wants to give him and have us pay her for half the cost of that car. She also thinks that we will pay half of her car insurance also,but after speaking to the ins company that stated MN is a non-excluded driver state and therefore he needs to be on both of our car insurance since he lives half time at each address and has access too all vehicles.

DH wants to give him my truck to drive bc it's 4wd and we live in the country, and BM lives even deeper in the country 20miles from school and he's concerned about our terrible winters and wants him in a safer car.

She refuses bc she thinks she'll have to pay higher insurance, and she really was counting on us paying her for half of this older car she hasn't driven in 2 years. My truck is 6 years old but is still worth about 25k but it's got a 100mile warranty and only 30k miles. We want it to last him at least a couple years past college. But it's also not being used as my husband has q company truck and I'm driving his truck.

She's very very weird with money and buying something new is likely out of the questionbut she doesn't seem concerned about the winter driving like we are because he'll be driving ss11 to school and lacrosse practice. We went them to be safe as possible.

Thoughts? How did you handled this issue? Is there a solution? We aren't wanting to fight this if she doesn't allow him to drive our truck we'll likely just relent and pay her for her car. But I'm hoping someone might have another solution or advice! Tia
 
@mariakat Offer the truck but don’t ask her to pay for half of it, just say it’s safer, and this way no one is out any up front money. Both of you pay your own insurances. I certainly wouldn’t pay for half a vehicle if I had one sitting around.

My ex and I paid for SOME of the purchase price of new vehicles for the kids, and the kids had to save some of their own money as well. So we might have helped pay some insurance or repairs or things like that but both kids had to put money towards their own cars or they could borrow the existing cars we had, when we weren’t using them.
 
@aj1968 Sorry I should have mentioned that we actually did offer her to not have to contribute to it at all but we keep the title and ownership. The worst part for DH is that 2 years ago she asked him when she got her new truck if she should trade in the Altima or save it for ss16 and he said deff trade it in, get her payments as low as possible bc we were planning on giving him my truck. Which caused her not to trade it in for some reason.

But even with not paying anything for it she still refusing to let him have it. I'm assuming it's bc she wants money for her car, but I could be wrong.
 
@mariakat Can’t even lie. I’d argue this... lol. Call me petty but fuck no. If I had a vehicle and I’m saying I’ll pay for it, I’m NOT paying you for half of yours. Sell yours. It would be different if I wasn’t offering a whole free truck. If you do end up agreeing (and I don’t think you should!) I’d be getting an appraisal on her car well beforehand. What happens when you pay for half of it, thing breaks and he ends up driving your truck anyway? I don’t like it. And I really try to pick my battles. I swear!
 
@aj1968 Thank you! That's a REALLY great argument. We'd deff be paying half of all the maintenance on her car and it's broken down before, it's got a salvaged title as it's been totaled and just isn't great shape.

Maybe we can agree that he can drive her car, we'll pay half, but when it breaks down she's gotta pay for those repairs?
 
@mariakat He needs the truck it's safer. You already told her to trade in the car she choose not to. You owe her nothing and she's getting out easy not paying for any part of the truck.
 
@mariakat It’s weird, why wouldn’t she just sell her car for full value instead of taking only half the value from you guys? I’d think that’s more appealing to her.
Can you tell her she can give him her car if she wants to but you guys plan on giving him the truck, don’t expect anything for it, and are handling his insurance from your end?
 
@aj1968 We can but we'd still have to pay her for her car.

But that's a very good question Idk why she just won't sell it. However she does drive it for 2-3 weeks before they go on vacation twice a year. They drive her truck to Colorado a couple times a year and to make for those miles, she'll drive the Altima exclusivity for a fee weeks before and keep her truck parked.

I wonder if she wants it to continue that practice to keep miles down on her truck.
 
@mariakat Is she aware about the insurance issue now? Or does she still think you’ll be paying half her insurance too? I’m wondering if she’s looking for a payout, half the insurance bill, plus half the value of the truck. Considering your offers are almost the same, except you’re not looking for money and she is, I think any reasonable judge would say she has to go with your offer instead...
 
@aj1968 She definitely thinks he'll only be on her insurance bc DH tried to explain about the nonexcluded driver clause in Minnesota and she responded by "well no WAY he's touching my truck or my bf truck! He gets insurance on his car and that's it"

Then she went into a lecture about how trucks cost more to insure until he's 25...to which my husband just dropped it bc we're going to cover insurance on my truck no matter what, she'll have to cover the increased cost on her and her bf vehicles.
 
@mariakat Sounds like she’s just looking for a payout. Only you guys know if that’s the type of person she is or not though so I won’t ask. Hypothetically speaking, say you give him your truck and insure it and everything else, without asking her for anything, how could that play out? Would he be able to drive that truck without any money coming from her side, insurance included?
 
@aj1968 That's what we were hoping,but she's insisting on him driving her old car. It might very well be a payout, but I'd think she'd make more from outright selling it. It could just very well be that she doesn't want him driving it bc it's mine, Idk.

Something else I hadn't considered is that if it's her car she'll be able to control ds15 where if it's my truck that'd be harder. She already refuses to let him drive and is angry that we are. Wonder if it's about that...hmmmm. She definitely isn't happy he's driving. It was a fight to get his birth certificate, I had to take him to the DMV, we had to pay for everything.
 
@mariakat Honestly I would do just that. Give him your truck. Pay for it, put it on the road and exchange no money. I wouldn’t hand anything over to her it seems so unnecessary!
 
@aj1968 SS15 when he turns 18 if she'd even actually give it to him. I don't wanna pay her for a car that he's only using and never gets to own.

We were planning on giving him the title to the truck when he graduates, but not if she isn't going to contribute even a little bit.
 
@mariakat Ok. I would not pay a dime for her car if she’s not even going to give the title to him when you do.
Basically two parents each with a car and each owning and planning to hold the title of the car, while letting the kid use it, one parent is expecting nothing from the other parent and the other parent is expecting half price of the car? NO. My ass would be firmly planted in the ground with the no. She can give the kid her car or you can give the kid your car, no exchanges of money. Or all y’all put a price together and go splits on a car for him but I wouldn’t hand over money for a car when I had one I’m trying to give to the kid. Just. No.
 
@aj1968 Thank you, I agree. And I'm not sure she'd refuse to give him the title, just guessing based on her behavior. However, I seriously doubt that car gonna get him thru the next 3 years of high school, so we'd end up buying him something else at that point probably.

Which deff brings me to what you mentioned before that I hadn't even thought of, and that's repairs. It'll end up costing more most likely when considering the unreliability of that 15 year old, Minnesota car with a salvaged title!
 
@mariakat If you absolutely must pay her for the car, and you can afford to, do it, with that stipulation. Once it breaks you’re not paying anything for it because there’s a truck in your yard available as previously discussed. I’d be pissed! Lol. Best of luck!
 
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