Soon to be SAHP, but it may not be able to stay that way…

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paula135711

New member
Hello. I’m almost a SAHP! Due in about 2.5 weeks. The plan has been for me to stay at home, while my husband works. Here is some background. I’ll try to keep it short.

My husband works in construction as a pipe fitter. He is a union worker and often travels for work (like, away for months on a job). He’s tired of traveling and wants to be here for his daughter. There is a great opportunity in another city and we will be moving there once our current lease is up. The kicker is- he will have to take a pay cut for a short time, but in the next few years, it will pay off and he will be making more than he has ever made. He will also be able to work a normal 40 hour week, with 8 hour shifts, compared to his normal 60+ hour weeks which are exhausting.

While the plan has been for me to be home with our daughter, I do still work as an adjunct instructor online for a community college. It’s a little extra cash, so it’s helpful.

But, with this new opportunity for my husband, it would be best financially if I could bring in more income. So, I may have to start looking for another job over this coming summer. (I’m keeping my adjunct job.)

Here’s my dilemma: I have a Bachelors and Masters degree in Mathematics. I have worked only in higher Education with my degrees, teaching mathematics. I stepped away from full time teaching because I found it’s not what I want to continue doing. It’s an emotionally draining job for me and the stress caused many health issues. Since stepping away from a full time role, I’ve been happier. Now, I have no problem getting a job to help my family. I know with my degrees I can find a job outside higher education. But, I don’t know if I want that…

First, I don’t want a job that will take over my life, having to always bring work home, like I did with teaching. Also, if I find a full time job, I would have to make enough to cover the cost of daycare plus some. Lastly, the thought of dropping my daughter at daycare before she is even 1 gives me anxiety. (Note: No disrespect to daycares and parents that do this. I just want to be home with my kid as much as possible, esp. early on. Just my preference.)

So, I’m considering finding a simple part time gig, like working at Starbucks or as a server (I worked mainly in food service through school). With this type of job, we could make it work so that we do not have to put our daughter in daycare. My husband would work days, I would work some nights. We’d save on the cost of daycare and we would have extra cash. I could also have a job that is over once the shift is over and isn’t super stressful.

The problem? I feel like I’m wasting my degrees- which I’m still paying off. Also, there is a little ego involved on my part- being in my mid 30s, with two STEM degrees, working in a restaurant. I know I’d be working such a job by choice, but I know there will be some judgement from others. Try as I might to not care, I’m still human. But, I do think I would be happier. I’m just not really interested in becoming a cog in corporate America.

Hopefully someone out there may be able to relate. Any input/advice would be appreciated.

Thanks!
 
@paula135711 What about tutoring? Especially with a pandemic on there may be people trying to homeschool way above their skill level in math who would be open to zoom teaching and tutoring.
 
@ryanb92 Very true. It’s been a thought. I’ve tutored before. I def can’t do it when I’m home alone with my daughter, but it could be something to pick up in the evenings. But really, I’m not sure if I want to tutor. While I’m holding onto my adjunct job, I do want to get away from teaching ultimately. Plus, it takes some work to build a decent base of students. It’s certainly an option for me, but not on the top of my list.
 
@paula135711 the after school schedule makes total sense for tutoring. given your degrees, you can likely bring in a lot more money for tutoring than a typical college kid would (i would think!)

it’s very worth exploring, and you could also tutor college level people which should open up times for you as well.

e: it is perfectly fine to want to do something that doesn’t involve your degrees, though. if you want a shift gig, there’s NOTHING wrong with that.
 
@mem5 Thanks!! That’s what I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around- not using my degrees!! It feels like I wasted so much time and money. But, I’d rather be happy than feel stuck in a stressful job I loathe.

I’m sure my thoughts are quite normal for anyone in this situation. Just gotta get through it and stop over-analyzing.
 
@paula135711 One thing that's served me well is remembering that I'm the only one who has to live my life. What I mean by that is it really doesn't matter what other people think or these external pressures (even if I've internalized them), since I'm the one who has to live with the consequences.

Your degrees are not and were not wasted. You earned them, you put them to use for the time that worked for you, and now you are in a new stage of life. Not utilizing them for every job isn't the end of the world, and candidly, for those of us who do not have advanced mathematics degrees, pretty par for the course, lol.

I think you may also be seeing this as an absolute either or. Either you use your degrees for x number of very specific types of jobs (that you hate), or you don't use them at all and get a job that requires no degree. There are a lot of opportunities out there that just require a degree if you're interested. And more than ever, there are loads of places hiring part time / WFH as a result of COVID. So you have way more choices than you think. While that can be overwhelming, it may benefit you to talk to a headhunter or a career coach and figure out what might make the most sense for your interests and situation.
 
@mem5 Wow. You are right. I didn’t even realize I was viewing things in this way. I know tons of people that work in fields outside of what they went to college for. I’ve been so narrowly focused— and I don’t even really know why?!? It’s like I put myself into a box I didn’t need to be in. Thanks for the insight!

I’ve also never considered working with a career coach or headhunter. That may be just what I need!
 
@paula135711 My mom has her degree in math and has been tutoring for a while now. With the pandemic she’s even more demand than ever, and a lot of her clients are now over zoom. She also frequently watches my daughter while doing it though not all the time.

In our MCOL area she charges $50/hr and could probably do more. Also able to 100% set her own schedule which is nice.
 
@paula135711 Okay, a job is a job! You’re an educated woman and it’s okay to work as a server or whatever. If you want this and a prosperous future…this might be the best direction for your family. Taking on any job, no matter the pay or title, that’s going to disrupt your mental health is a big no.
You’re about to be a tiny humans mommy/everything. If you work or stay home, you need to still ensure that your mental health is never compromised.

Someone mentioned tutoring (online). This sounds fantastic.

Childcare is a crime in this country. You’re essentially giving up all your paycheck to have someone watch your baby. Here’s an alternative you might consider.

Have a sitter come to the home and watch baby as you work from home. This price might be cheaper then childcare facilities. This will also allow you to periodically go see baby, feed baby, hold baby, ect.
Also, you can always have an eye on the individual watching baby.
If you have family in this new area consider asking around.
Mother’s Day out at churches are typically cheaper than childcare facilities.

I would be looking for job that are remote, no matter the field you enter. But service job are good too. I was a single mom working as a server and some night were really really good. But if you want a reliable and steady income, this might not be for you.

But remember that all jobs will come with stress and sometimes we bring that drama and stress home. This is something you (all of us) have to work on.

Other than that I don’t have much advice. Wishing you and the family best of luck.
 
@katrina2017 Thanks for your input. Unfortunately, I don’t have any family around. It’s just me and my husband. A babysitter may be a good idea while I do some daytime work. Tutoring is an option, but it’s not on the top of my list.

I’m with you on the mental health aspect. And I know all jobs have their probs. I’ve been a server before so I know what it’s like. This also won’t be long term. I only need something to help out while my husband is starting out. He will be getting yearly raises until he maxes out. Plus, I always planned on going back to full time once our kids are school age. We are about to have our first, but want more.

I just gotta get over the mental battle in my head. Spent six years working towards doing something I thought I would love, only to discover I didn’t love it after 5 years in. Now that we have decided to start a family, that’s my primary focus. I’m ready and excited. But, it’s been tough letting go of the path I thought my life would take (career-wise).

Thanks again for your input.
 
@paula135711 I have tried working super part time only to find out that the majority of my paycheck goes to travel expenses and childcare leaving me either breaking even or at a net 0.

I do have a neighborhood teenager who is willing to babysit for $5 and hour plus tips. She is a gem.

I have a bachelors in elementary education that requires continuing education credits and I kept that up until 2020. It’s been 7 years since my last full time job and I have days where I miss it a lot. That said, once my kids are all in school I might just go work at a bakery or something. I have a bit of anxiety, which means that when I teach I tend to over plan and get stressed out. It’s exhausting.
 
@andreythegreat Yeah. If I do part time, we def won’t be able to afford child care. That’s why I was thinking of a part time night gig so my husband can take over when I’m working. Otherwise, I’d need a full time gig that’s pays enough to cover childcare plus some. I just don’t really want to go back to full time yet. But, I’ll do what I gotta do for my fam.
 
@andreythegreat Yikes. My husband says he wants to do it, but we will have to see. He has an older son and he missed most of his childhood unfortunately. It still eats at him. He wants things to be diff this time. So, I’m hopeful that he means it. We shall see!
 
@paula135711 Have you considered making your home a in home daycare. You could add 1 or 2 kids around your own child's age. It wouldn't have anything to do with your degrees but parents would likely see it as a plus.
 
@paula135711 So this exact scenario was my life. I have a degree in health science and struggled mentally about wasting it. I went back to work as a server (worked through college) at nights and my husband worked during the day. This sounded like the best plan but honestly it was TOUGH. I’d be home all day with my kids and then immediately would go to work on my feet all night. We needed the money so i had to do it. But it really wore on me. So after a while, i stopped. We struggled and had to adjust our Soending massively. Not to mention I still struggled with wasting a degree (and student loans). So I started to do side gigs. I started selling on eBay and made great money. I also taught English online to kids in China. And I started to door dash/Uber eats. All of these side gigs got us to a point where my husband got a raise and we paid off debt so we’re in a much better financial position. I still sell on eBay and we do door dash together sometimes still. Honestly side gigs were great for me as a parent because I did them when I could and didn’t have to report to anyone about anything. I could work as much or as little as I need to which was a life saver with 2 small kids. Now I homeschool and feel like I kind of use my degree to teach so it makes me feel better lol
 
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