Son decided he hates his expensive Christmas gifts

[kmoore]

Hey everyone.

I love Christmas and giving gifts. I spend a lot of effort picking out thoughtful gifts. This year, I bought my 17 year old son a full Norse outfit. I know he’s a history buff so I did my research and found what I thought was historically accurate stuff. I went overboard a little bit and out of my price range. I thought it was worth it because he has a dream of re-enacting historically. He got the gifts on Christmas and LOVED them. He wore them all day on Christmas, and a couple more times just for fun. He talked about wearing them to school. He was so happy. So was I.

Fast forward to today. Apparently he’s been binge watching videos about common misconceptions about Viking clothing, and getting more and more picky and angry from watching these history buffs rant about stuff like The TV show Vikings, etc.

He comes to me and tells me. “The helmet is kinda accurate... the shirts collar should be curved not pointed, and if I was a real Viking I’d be laughed at. Also, the shirt is wool and should really have a linen undershirt, so I can’t wear it. This belt is cool I guess, but Vikings rarely used leather... so I can’t use the bag or holster either... the shoes aren’t accurate at all... and the linen pants would actually be underwear. So yeah, I’ll never be able to wear it to re-enact, it’s all wrong. But the cloak is preeerty accurate.”

Deep breath. I spent... 6 or 700 dollars on this stuff, after doing research, and buying directly from a Nordic company.

I guess I’m just venting. Do you think it’s my fault for spending too much on a teen? Is he being a jerk? I mean it seems to me that it’s kind of picky and entitled to criticize that stuff, he definitely knows it was very expensive and I tried really hard to please him. I know he’s just a kid but man, it really hurt.

Positive vibes to all parents of teens out there!

 

[lue]

@kmoore My 17yo just had his birthday after lots of thinking I gave him some money

 

[kmoore]

@lue Yeah, definitely doing that in the future! Lesson learned.

 

[magiclevinho]

@kmoore You had a few blissful moments of him being really happy. That's money well spent, even if he doesn't like it now. I would venture a guess that down the road he'll remember that you loved him and tried.

 

[katrina2017]

@kmoore I’m sorry that you’re feeling hurt. I believe your son was hurt as well. Obviously at first he was thrilled, but then came the further research and I’m sure he was so pumped up, on cloud nine, fantasizing about one day starring in a real reenactment! Which sounds to me like it’s a very, very big deal for him and something he’s extremely passionate about. With that being said, imagine his balloon being popped as the more he researched, the more he felt “not good enough” as he was repeatedly being deflated the more (it felt like to him) his outfit was being criticized. I’m sure he didn’t intentionally hurt your feelings, but was probably so disappointed and hurt as well, that it just all came out as frustration & anger. Hopefully y’all will be able to talk about this and both share your feelings, relating and empathizing with each other. I must say, the fact that your son is so interested and passionate about this is simply amazing!! I understand, you just need to get it off your chest. May I remind you....you’re doing a fantastic job raising your son! It’s evident!! As my Mother tells me when I’m dealing with issues with my son, “take a deep breath and remember, this too shall pass.” I just want to encourage you. “Some days are like this and the only way to get through them is to remember that they are only one day, and that every day ends.”-David Levithan Quote. Keep on breathing, and focus on all the wonderful blessings

 

[kmoore]

@katrina2017 Wow, I can’t thank you enough for your words! You have wonderful insight into his perspective. I wish I had that gift! But thank god for Reddit .

We did end up talking about it and I expressed how I was just bummed because I thought it would be what he needed and wanted. And he empathized and said he thinks it’s fun to wear and that he just wants to show that he “knows his stuff” when he does participate.

And yes, thank you for the reminder that he has such a cool passion! I guess I take that for granted sometimes! And I only want to support him. He wants to be a history professor some day!

Anyways, thanks kind stranger. You really did help me out.

 

[katrina2017]

@kmoore I’m so happy to hear that! No problem, you’re my fellow human being!! I just did my due diligence. Lifting each other up is so important. I’m so, so very happy for y’all. Take care!!

 

[laurapalooza]

@kmoore For a teenager I'm spending $700 on, I would give them a handmade gift certificate describing what I'm willing to buy them if they do the research, so we're sure it's right.

Or, request a wish list, and tell them to include X, Y and Z on their list. They won't know what I've chosen to buy.

It's certainly not your child's fault. You surprised him with a purchase on a topic he's still learning about. He'll use the clothes anyway at some point. Be happy he has a health passion.

He should listen to multiple experts on Youtube because sometimes they contradict each other. I remember one guy saying Vikings didn't use shield walls like is shown in The Last Kingdom. A couple months later, I saw an expert say shield walls were used, but the idea of a single person getting through a shield wall and going on a killing spree was absurd as he would be immediately cut down.

 

[jamieredheaduk]

@kmoore Omg mama I have a son who is sooo into this stuff , the vintage uniforms too.
Some thoughts from my own experience which may or may not be helpful , - just, I am so here with you on this .
Ime - just ime for a perspective
1) if your not going to resell ( which I never did *) store it properly or use it as a display ( seriously, it can look killer )
2) now ( aprox 5 years later ) he uses a lot of the pieces to make up his new outfits ( think vintage jacket with jeans ) he went from wearing weird uniforms to being a serious fashionista ( he doesn't know this or care but he gets a lot of comments - people do not suspect they are pieces from ' old costumes ' ( it took time for Him to evolve)
3 ) even if it hadn't been a surprise from you and he choose that set down to the buttons - he could still be picking it apart now .
4) yes we have wasted serious money too on some bs ( we bought a custom cape once ..... just ugh .... the seam was off the color in the sun... ( I didn't get it at the time that he had 'an eye' I just thought he was impossible to please ) overall though it's a great hobby for him ( better than some I have had )

5 ) you bought him a beautiful gift ! Just let it be , offer to resell it * he probably will say no or if you do , then next year he will want that same article you sold.

 

[katrina2017]

@kmoore Um, high functioning autism is my instinctive reaction. This would not be a normal development for a 17 year old. You sound like an amazing parent.

 

[kmoore]

@katrina2017 Idk, I feel like that’s a little judgmental from one story. I’m not saying it’s not a possibility, but it’s not really constructive. He may have interests that aren’t very common but many adults are very interested in history to the point of reenacting. We are also of Scandinavian descent so he’s particularly proud of his heritage. My son and I have a relationship where we can talk openly about our feelings. Maybe the way my son acts is differently than you’re used to... but I’m not seeing the autism angle at all.

 

[katrina2017]

@kmoore I say it as a family member and someone in the space. Neurodiversity is also a blessing.

 

[katrina2017]

@kmoore And I am absolutely not diagnosing but it struck me as perhaps a possibility to consider. Sometimes it makes it easier to reframe the issue so that instead of being entitled or inconsiderate, we can see what drives the mindset that shows up in the behaviour. Peace

 

[joshuad]

@kmoore A lot of people forget that autism isn't the only neurodivergent disorder either, I'm glad that it's gotten so much more awareness in the past few years but all the others are a little neglected.

Having a really strong interest can be neurdivergent considering the original definition is just about your brain working different from other peoples', but I think it's a lot more important to try to understand people however they are as opposed to labeling them. The real purpose of labels is just to help you find ways to understand yourself and others, and sometimes to communicate that too.

 

[dacoata]

@kmoore Tell him he is welcome to commission the tailors, artisans and craftspeople he needs to make the alterations he needs.

 

[coplin48]

@kmoore Did he wear it to school? And yes you could offer to help adjusting the clothes so they are more historically accurate.