Should we wait after the PhD?

[dvv1cft]

I am ready to start trying now, but my husband will be finishing his phd in may 2024 and doesn't want to have to have to deal with the pregnancy while rushing through the end. I have pcos and feel like the conception will be more stressful than the actual pregnancy.

Anyone's husband was doing an Phd while you were pregnant/had kids?

 

[pinktink]

@dvv1cft I’d wait until you’re safely past a May 2024 due date so he has time to finish, maybe start trying in the fall?

 

[netprophet]

@pinktink This seems like the most logical solution (that most other commenters are also recommending)

OP this also gives you a chance to start prenatal vitamins now for a few months before starting TTC!

 

[caringsoul]

@dvv1cft I don’t have a PhD but I work in academia and talk with PhD students regularly. I wouldn’t want to have a new baby while my partner was doing their defense, etc. That would be overwhelming for me. If it were, I’d wait a few months more before trying.

 

[dvv1cft]

@caringsoul Baby wouldn't be here for months after he is done, even if we get pregnant during the Fall.

 

[caringsoul]

@dvv1cft Oh, I’m sorry! I misread your post as you wanting to have your baby at the same as he’s wrapping up. If you’re just wanting to be pregnant at that point in time, go for it! That seems totally manageable.

 

[fallingupwards]

@dvv1cft So you're not actually looking to start trying now? Sorry, I just found your post a bit confusing, if you started trying now you theoretically could have the baby as early as February if it's a few weeks early.

Personally to be safe I'd be starting no earlier than September. PCOS can make things more difficult, but it doesn't automatically preclude you from getting pregnant the first or second try. I would be using this time to track your cycle in more detail - ovulation tests, BBT, mucus/discharge etc. That's setting you up for an easier time conceiving and if there are issues, you have more data to take to a doctor.

 

[halo888]

@dvv1cft I had my first when my husband was a year into his PhD which was fine. We've just started trying for our second and if we're successful on the first try the baby would arrive a couple of weeks after handing in the dissertation, before he's had the defense.

But my husband okayed this plan and Is comfortable with it, we're also based in Scandinavia so there's a chance PhDs works a little differently here (along with parental leave).

If your husband is not comfortable with having a kid during the final stages of the PhD then you need to settle on a due date he's comfortable with.

 

[rightway2truth]

@dvv1cft I’m finishing my PhD in may 2024 too. What does he want to do after? You could mention to him that it might be easier if you had the baby in the summer if he’s going for a teaching job to give him some extra time to bond and help you before classes.

In my case, fwiw, we are waiting until after my PhD to try so that 1) I’m not visibly pregnant while interviewing to avoid discrimination, 2) I can work my next job long enough to get maternity leave (I’m in the US-have to work for 1 year to get 12 weeks unpaid parental leave), and 3) we will have to move a long distance for my new job which would be extra stressful with a newborn

 

[angelus7988]

@dvv1cft Not my husband but I’m doing a PhD… so I suppose it’s the same but the other side of the coin.
The journey should not end on the day he is coined “Dr”…. One would hope that he takes that new title/degree and does something with it. That said, you should not anticipate a bunch of down time and white space just because a milestone is reached, it is merely one chapter turning into another. If us motivated and ambitious people waited for life to pause before we did something, I don’t think we’d ever do anything.
I hope that helps…. I just realized I was in the same boat as you and answered my own question. Certainly easier said than done.

 

[dvv1cft]

@angelus7988 Thank you for that. Life has always and will probably always be busy. I think it's why I struggle so much with waiting until that's done. Who knows what will happen?