historyincognito
New member
..
Should a 13 year old be out at midnight?
- Thread starter historyincognito
- Start date
-
- Tags
- parenting teens
laurapalooza
New member
@historyincognito At 13, I would expect an adult to know where the child is and authorize the activity, if not be with the child at midnight at a McDonald's. I'd text the mom to ask. Hell, if you didn't speak to the mom to arrange the sleepover, then doubly so.
My daughter had a friend who arranged a sleepover, but then stayed two days. Come to find out, the mother was out-of-town and the child was supposed to be at three different friend's houses for the 3 nights mom was away, but the kid didn't want to stay at one of the homes and lied her ass off. I learned to always speak to a parent.
My daughter had a friend who arranged a sleepover, but then stayed two days. Come to find out, the mother was out-of-town and the child was supposed to be at three different friend's houses for the 3 nights mom was away, but the kid didn't want to stay at one of the homes and lied her ass off. I learned to always speak to a parent.
kalulabelle
New member
@historyincognito This happened to me when my daughter was that age as well. They really start to push against limits. I'd check in with the parent where she was sleeping over. It's possible the mother allows it (I was often shocked by what some of the parents allowed). I used to text my daughter when I saw it going on -- it was a rough time in our lives. Good luck 
historyincognito
New member
@kalulabelle I really had to resist the urge to text her.
kalulabelle
New member
@historyincognito You are well within your rights to -- she is 13, not 17-18 though even when my daughter was that age, I still texted her when she was out too late.
A month ago, a 17 yr old girl driving home from a local party died when she hit a tree at high speed. I don't mess around with this stuff. Kids make bad choices all the time and the pressure on them these days is tremendous. Sometimes they need to be reminded.
A month ago, a 17 yr old girl driving home from a local party died when she hit a tree at high speed. I don't mess around with this stuff. Kids make bad choices all the time and the pressure on them these days is tremendous. Sometimes they need to be reminded.
lyossarian
New member
@historyincognito Why wouldn't you text her? 13 is young! Kids start pushing stuff and parents have to act like the guard rails. My kid always pissed because we were strict and had rules. She is now 20 and is grateful and sees her friends whose parents were the easy ones struggling. And her friends now like to come to our house and hang out. Literally she just called us last week and asked if her high school best friend could just come and hang out with us because she is angry at her parents and we make her feel safe. Our kid is away at college and her friend just wants to chill alone with us. Come up with your rules and stick to them. Our kid didn't get a midnight curfew until 17.
@historyincognito I completely disagree with the above commenter who said “at this age it is a fact that you can’t really stop her from doing whatever she wants.”
13 is a BABY teenager.
I am a teacher and I PROMISE you there are tons of parents out there stopping their 13 year olds from doing whatever they want. And most of them have a positive relationship with their child. These kids TELL me about the rules their parents have and vastly usually understand why the rules are there (safety, age, etc).
Incidentally I rarely have any reason to talk to these parents unless I call home just to brag on the kid. The parents I do speak to are the ones whose children are failing and I contact home to make sure they are aware. A decent fraction of these parents tell me they have no idea what to do to get their child to do anything.
I am not here to comment on OP, it sounds like they are doing the right things by getting her therapy and asking for advice.
… but parents of America, you CAN set healthy rules for your 13 year olds and not running around at midnight is an excellent example of one of these rules. And it won’t ruin your relationship with them and they won’t automatically start sneaking around.
13 is a BABY teenager.
I am a teacher and I PROMISE you there are tons of parents out there stopping their 13 year olds from doing whatever they want. And most of them have a positive relationship with their child. These kids TELL me about the rules their parents have and vastly usually understand why the rules are there (safety, age, etc).
Incidentally I rarely have any reason to talk to these parents unless I call home just to brag on the kid. The parents I do speak to are the ones whose children are failing and I contact home to make sure they are aware. A decent fraction of these parents tell me they have no idea what to do to get their child to do anything.
I am not here to comment on OP, it sounds like they are doing the right things by getting her therapy and asking for advice.
… but parents of America, you CAN set healthy rules for your 13 year olds and not running around at midnight is an excellent example of one of these rules. And it won’t ruin your relationship with them and they won’t automatically start sneaking around.
@historyincognito If my 16 year old was out at midnight and I was unaware, I would be waiting in her friends driveway upon her return. If she was 13? The mother would be getting a phone call and I’d be picking her up immediately. Parents need to speak to parents. I don’t know when this stopped being an expectation but it needs to be. I don’t even think we are strict, and really have never been told we are from our daughter. In my opinion there’s a big difference between being strict, and being safe. And I’m a 32 year old with a 16 year old. I’m young and I do not play around, because I KNOW how some households are run. You will not catch me apologizing for being protective and checking all my boxes when they end up a healthy happy trauma free adult, thanks to that protection.
doubting_thomas_of_oz
New member
@historyincognito What!?! No a 13 year old should be out running around at midnight. They shouldn’t be out running around at 11 quite honestly. Going to skating rink or a movie, even some birthday parties go this late. Those are all fine from time to time, with rules. Is she at McDonald’s with the other girls parents? If so, probably no biggie. Did she walk to McDonald’s from the skating rink with her friends WITHOUT asking? If so, it would be time to talk punishment for me.
@historyincognito If it was my kid, I'd be texting her for an update to see how the night was going, who she was with, and when I could expect her to be in for the evening. If you want to know, just ask. It's not a helicopter mom move to want to make sure your child is safe while out of your home.
aspieinsearch
New member
@historyincognito This might not even be a “parenting question,” but a LEGAL question, depending on where you live. We live in Dallas, and there is a citywide curfew for minors on the books:
Dallas County Juvenile Curfew Ordinance specifies the hours of curfew for juveniles for daytime during school sessions and nighttime curfews year round.
Daytime curfews hours are 9:00am to 2:30pm during weekdays.
Nighttime curfew hours are 11:00pmto 6:00am from Sunday night through Thursday night.
Weekend night hours are 12am through 6am.
And believe it or not, it’s actually enforced occasionally! I know of quite a few kids who have been “detained” by the police, until their parents arrived on scene to retrieve them. Kinda makes it easy on us parents, to be honest: “It’s a LAW, kiddo. Even if I didn’t agree with it, you know perfectly well I’d never willingly allow you to break the law, and attorneys are expensive. You’d be paying me back for that until you turn 40.”
Dallas County Juvenile Curfew Ordinance specifies the hours of curfew for juveniles for daytime during school sessions and nighttime curfews year round.
Daytime curfews hours are 9:00am to 2:30pm during weekdays.
Nighttime curfew hours are 11:00pmto 6:00am from Sunday night through Thursday night.
Weekend night hours are 12am through 6am.
And believe it or not, it’s actually enforced occasionally! I know of quite a few kids who have been “detained” by the police, until their parents arrived on scene to retrieve them. Kinda makes it easy on us parents, to be honest: “It’s a LAW, kiddo. Even if I didn’t agree with it, you know perfectly well I’d never willingly allow you to break the law, and attorneys are expensive. You’d be paying me back for that until you turn 40.”
aspieinsearch
New member
Ps: I copied & pasted that info from the dallascityhall.com website, for reference!
rebecca334
New member
@historyincognito Hell to the no
tozirereers1974
New member
@historyincognito I don’t allow my kids to sleep over at friends’ houses unless the parents are as strict as I am. I am a parent who does not allow midnight McDonald’s so I don’t allow her to spend the night at houses that do allow midnight McDonald’s. (I suggest that the kids of not-strict parents come sleep over at our house so I can enforce my rules. But most kids won’t come to our place because they don’t like my rules). My daughter says I’m ruining her life.
historyincognito
New member
@tozirereers1974 Our house is the boring house so my daughter never wants to have sleepovers here haha. We have a heated pool, a park next to our house, and a quiet street they could play on. Plus her dad can cook them almost anything they'd want or let them do it and help them. Idk what's boring about our house.
@historyincognito It's not boring. They just don't want to be there and boring is the excuse. Tweens and teens would rather have fast food (yuck) than hang out with a parent who cooks.
@tozirereers1974 They won’t be adults complaining about this, they’ll be adults thanking you for this. And from another mom, THANK YOU FOR THIS. Continue “ruining her life”
@historyincognito Could she be with the parent? I would check to see if they took the kids out for a midnight snack. 13 year olds out on their own at midnight no way.
historyincognito
New member
@historyincognito If they were supervised, I wouldn’t be as upset and tell them next time to text you to let you know where they are and what’s going on. If it was me hosting, I would have gone through the drive thru and brought the food back instead of taking the kids out.