Refusing to sit on the potty after a pretty successful 3 days

[david_loves_boats]

G 2.5 - we did a bare bottom weekend and ended it in undies, really wish we’d had the extra 3rd day but on Monday at preschool she did pretty okay, had 2 pee accidents and a poo accident. Then Tuesday she has a big wee before school and her teachers report at end of the day - she REFUSED to even sit on the potty. NO pee accidents (one poop accident). Same for Wednesday (today), and she was put in a diaper because they didn’t want her to get an infection from holding it. At home in the evening I give her 2 apple juices - she gulps it down- no accidents, and then screams that she’s not going to even sit on the potty. Do we need to take a step back? Did anyone have this problem? Help! Since she doesn’t have accidents we’re not thinking it’s too early, but maybe a control issue/power struggle? Ugh. This is so hard!

 

[jwd]

@david_loves_boats I would take a step back. I find people often forget that potty training isn’t really about peeing on the potty. It’s about body autonomy. It’s going from adults having control over pees and poops to the child controlling when to sit on the potty in order to stay dry. If you’re taking her to the potty rather than her making those decisions you’re defeating the whole purpose of her taking the reins. Another commenter mentioned that it’s become a power struggle. It totally has,but this isn’t one you’re going to win. You can force her to sit on the potty every 10 minutes if you want, but you’re not going to get her to pee on the potty if she doesn’t want to.

You said she didn’t have accidents? She had 2 pee accidents and a poop accident at preschool the first day. That suggests to me that she’s not really ready, and you just happened to be catching her at the right times.

When I’m potty training (home daycare) I make sure to give the child every opportunity to go back into diapers. The ball is in their court, and they have to show me they’re ready to be a big kid. That totally changes the perspective and makes kids much more eager to train.

 

[ramonguitar]

@jwd Thank you, this has me feeling better. My son is 3.5 and has just been flat out refusing to use the potty at all. We have tried lots of different methods, but he just doesn’t want to. I’ve backed off, and have just kind of been letting it go for a while. I just don’t understand how I’m supposed to force him to do it when he doesn’t want to. I’m thinking he just has to decide himself that he’s ready.

 

[strivingfortruth]

@david_loves_boats Yeah, this sounds like a power struggle to me. How does daycare handle potty training? Do they initiate them to go too often? We found in the early days of potty training if we asked our daughter if she had to go/suggested she went more than like once an hour she would almost get performance anxiety and get mad at us for even mentioning it. She also wanted privacy, so could your daughter feel a little “exposed”? I would keep going, don’t give up, just maybe let her know she can decide when she goes. You can still initiate her trying but don’t over do it. If you have a little potty, put it in a place where you can help if she wants the help but she can also have some privacy if she wants that. My daughter held her pee a lot during the first few days of potty training but it got so much better after like 5 days or so.

 

[david_loves_boats]

@strivingfortruth I think it is that we’re asking too much. Daycare had a couple of kids initiate potty training all at the same time so I’m sure she’s hearing it all day. We are going to stay the course with less pressure and see how it goes. Thank you!