R.I.P. Nicholas James Fox 3/5/2013

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badumtishs

New member
We went to our 18 week appointment yesterday stoked to find out the gender of our baby and were given the worst news ive ever received. our baby passed away in utero sometime within the last two weeks since we heard the heartbeat at our 16 week appointment. Our baby was delivered at 1:45 am today, we found out that the baby was a boy. sorry to unload so much on you guys predads, thank you for all of your support and wisdom you guys have shared with me. it sucks to no longer be able to be a part of this community but i hope to be able to join you guys again

thanks again
fox
 
@badumtishs I've been right where you are, just a few months ago. It will get better, although right now I know it feels like it won't.

Just a couple bits of advice: Give this loss the time and attention it needs, be there for each other, and understand that you're not both going to process it the same way.
Try to be patient with friends and family who are trying to "help." You're going to hear shit like "well, you can try again" or "it wasn't meant to be" and that's going to feel terrible, just remember that it's coming from a good place.

My condolences, and best of luck to you and your wife getting through this.
 
@badumtishs We all are predaddits. No matter if there is a bun in the oven or not. Predaddit only stops applying when you decide you don't want anymore kids. And I bet for you guys, that time isn't now. So you just revert to an earlier predaddit stage. We'll still be here.
 
@badumtishs Ugh. So sorry for this. I can't begin to fathom what it would be like to see him. We lost our first, but it was early on and surgery was behind closed doors (and eyes), so we didn't have to go through that.

Best of everything for you and yours.
 
@badumtishs Brother-- I am right there with you. We lost our first in January at 23 weeks along. It has been a rollercoaster these last two months, and we're on the mend.

This community has been great in their support. There are those who reached out privately to share stories, advice, and just general support. I shared all those with my wife, and it was really very helpful--sometimes just knowing that you're not alone is all the comfort that you need at that moment.

One thing that helped us immensely (and everyone's different, so this may not work for you) was to repeatedly tell the story of what we went through in the four days we were in the hospital. It's like they say--joys shared multiply, sorrows shared are divided. By telling our friends and family, it felt like the immense weight of the sorrow was being borne by many shoulders, and it made it lighter for us.

Check with your hospital, see if they offer any support groups for loss of pregnancy/stillbirth, etc. We've gone to a few meetings, and they're really good.

I'm really sorry for your loss, PM me if you want to talk.
 
@badumtishs When I see these posts, I am filled with sadness for the poster, as well as inevitable fear for my own unborn child.

Let me start by saying that I am so horribly sorry for your loss. It seems that there are many on this subreddit who have experienced a similar loss, and perhaps they will be a source of support and/or advice.

Secondly, and if this seems insensitive, I in no way intend to be. I'm asking this because your loss is my greatest fear.
Had your wife had an ultrasound prior to the loss, to see if the baby had been measuring normally? Or had you just heard the heartbeat? I ask because my husband and I have been trying for 3 years, and only after several medical interventions have we had success. I am fearful, as I'm sure are many others, that something could go wrong, even after two ultrasounds where the baby and heartbeat measured normal.

Again, feel free to ignore my question. I do not mean to make you upset in any way. Know that I could not be more sad for your loss.
 
@badumtishs That is just horribly sad, Im very sorry for your loss of Nicholas. Take it easy and care for eachother well, we'll be here when you are ready and able to be back.
 
We just want to say thank you for all the support and love all of you have shown us in this terrible time. it means more than you could ever know.

Thanks again
nic and tracy
 
@badumtishs Even though you're just a stranger on the Internet, I honestly really send all condolences and best wishes your way. Can't imagine how it must feel and hope that the future brings better times than this for you.
 
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