Questions from a new NICU nurse

[bindysdogs]

@pheonic It meant a lot when the nurses would encourage us to rest or do what we had to do. There were a few days during our stay where we couldn't make it in and I felt guilty. It was nice to hear "take care of your stuff, we've got this". It was also nice to be encouraged to be hands on. It's a pretty intimidating setting, and i liked doing as much as i could, but needed that little push. I also appreciated thorough updates, funny things she had done while I was gone, like grabbing the cotton swab of milk out of the nurse's hand...little things that helped me feel connected with baby's day while I was out. Also, sometimes the nurses would take pictures of them and tape them up, or have special name tags for the babies. My NICU had a real preschool vibe, and I appreciated that. A couple things that bothered me were if we'd go visit at night, a certain nurse would say "dont wake her up, what kind of sleep schedule do you think shes going to have?" Like...A., we weren't (we just wanted to be near her), and visiting is open for 22 hours for a reason, and B., that's none of your business. Another thing that bothered me was a nurse that handled her sort of roughly. She would flip my daughter around fast and sort of handled her like a Jimmy John's worker making a sandwich. I know those little babies are tough, but geeze. I didnt want to see it, and then I couldn't stop thinking about how she handled her when we weren't around. You're doing some of the noblest work there is, and will be a hero to many people. Good luck with your job!

 

[godsguidinglight]

@pheonic Favorite night nurse: talks about my baby as though she is her mama - celebrates achievements, tells me she's proud of our girl, worked to make it possible for us to FaceTime the baby while we are quarantined because my boss tested positive for covid, made sure she had a cute outfit to wear for her first time swaddled.
Favorite day nurse: made a little door sign with our girl's footprints and her name, made an effort to get to know us as the parents instead of just staying strictly professional (she did stay professional, but also much more personable), checked in on us/our daughter when she was assigned to a different baby, fought with other nurses so she could be assigned to us, made sure we knew that it was okay that we can only be there a couple days a week because we live so far away.
Bad experiences: we had a nurse who was dismissive of all of our concerns, who did not give us all the information we needed, and who acted as though we wouldn't understand the information anyway because we aren't in the field. A different nurse (wasn't a bad experience, just a little annoying) would NOT leave us be in the room with our baby, kept coming in and out and eavesdropping on our conversations to the point of joining in, gave unsolicited advice on my engorgement issue when I had already said I would be reaching out to lactation, wouldn't let "we're good" be a good enough answer to "do you need anything" to the point of us sayinVg "trust us, if we need something we'll ask." Just in general an overbearing person. Granted, that was probably just her personality and mine completely clashing, and I can't fault her for it.
Things that helped us cope were being willing to answer all of our million questions with truthful, informational/educational answers. We are the type of people who want to know why/how something happens, and all of the pathways that can lead from a selection of outcomes. Thus, we wanted to know the layman's terms version of the science behind what was happening with our girl.
I can already tell you are going to have a good bedside manner - you care enough about the parents to ask these questions.

 

[lizabey]

@pheonic

1. One who let me take control of what i knew how to do, and assisted me in nursing/holding/pumping.
2. Advice on how long to stay, let me know it was okay to call a lot, offering support for nursing
3. I really only expected to be allowed to do what other nurses taught me to do (nurse, temp, bp, diaper, bedding, bathing)
4. Say your answers with confidence and stay down to earth with what nicu parents are going through

 

[debbiea]

@pheonic The nurses that encouraged me to look after myself were really appreciated. I felt like a bad mum a lot because I didn’t want to be there all the time - I found it really difficult and hard to bond with my baby. I was still there 8 hours 7 days a week but I didn’t want to be. Some nurses made me feel like I wasn’t there enough, but others encouraged me to come in less and have some time for myself. My baby is 4 months old today and it’s only probably been the last couple of weeks that I feel like we’ve truly bonded. I can now sit and stare at her for hours while she sleeps, which I wasn’t interested in doing before. An early birth and NICU can be really traumatic.

 

[chris86amerie]

@pheonic I valued the nurses who were not afraid or avoidant of my emotions. I didn't want someone physically comforting me with hugs or hand holds, but I did want someone who didn't feel uncomfortable with me having feelings.

My baby came in early June during full blown pandemic. Having a terrible pregnancy where I lost 50 lbs, then a 3 week hospital stay, then a traumatic birth, then navigating the NICU alone because only one parent could visit at a time was an impossible situation. On top of that, new moms have crazy hormone dips. I was navigating an entirely new world in such a short period of time. I was going through a lot and hadn't had time to process, but I refused to leave my daughter alone for long stretches so that meant processing my emotions at the NICU, aka crying a whole lot.

The nurses I appreciated accepted where I was in my own recovery. They didn't judge me for falling apart. They didn't assume I couldn't handle news regarding my child's health because I was fragile.

It felt like so many well intentioned nurses were trying to protect me by withholding information. I felt out of the loop and like I was failing my daughter because I didn't always know what was going on with her treatment. Then I looked crazy when I exploded because big changes happened overnight and no one informed me.

When parents come in, volunteer information. Tell them what happened while they were gone so they don't feel left out. New parents don't necessarily know what to ask. I didn't. So the nurses who volunteered the information made me feel at ease. I didn't have to wonder or speculate. I could just receive the info and be at peace the rest of my visit.

 

[humbleseekerdublin]

@pheonic I didn’t have great experiences with my NICU nurses. I was a well-supported 2nd time mom coming in with a 37 weeker that just didn’t need a lot (we were there 5 days), and the nurses were so condescending. I was confident, I was ready to breastfeed, and almost everything they did seemed like a fight.

1. I didn’t like them dressing him in crappy forgotten clothes. I didn’t bring a lot of clothes (1 outfit) bc with my first it was all skin to skin until we left. I lived over an hour away and didn’t have time to get other clothes (my early term baby wasn’t supposed to be in the NICU). I just hated them putting him in those forgotten other clothes.
2. One young (childless) nurse told me that I should keep my baby on a schedule when we got home, that it was better. I didn’t snap at her, but I wanted to say she could do what she wanted with her babies, but I was going to feed mine on demand. I don’t believe in scheduling babies in any way. I am completely indulgent to their every whim.
3. Same young nurse told us she would start a care time at 5, so we went and got a meal. Got back at 4:30, and she was about to use the feeding tube (he hadn’t used all day) bc he wouldn’t take a bottle. He hated those crappy nipples, but I still had the time and patience to get him to take that stupid bottle (only using so we could track the ml). We went to Walmart right after and got better nipples, but I still felt like she was trying to sabotage our efforts.

There’s other things, but I think having just a different process with experienced parents with babies who need little support might be the answer. I felt like the nurses were trying to do everything in the world to keep us there, and it was awful. Akin to being in prison.

 

[pistolpd22]

@pheonic

1. My primary nurse really showed me how to mother my baby. Don’t ever underestimate the influence you have over new and hormonal parents. You are the model they are going to take home in their heads when they have their first night alone. My nurse was gentle, funny, practical and damn talented and quick on the draw when there was a problem. I rested so much easier when I knew she was on shift.
2. Problems: I had to request 2 nurses be assigned away from my baby. Problem 1: Did stuff without doctors orders because she thought it needed to be done. Problem 2 (different nurse): Always rushed, nervous and late for every feeding. She made me anxious and I asked for her to be reassigned.
3. Learn how to teach parents what to do. It’s really 1/2 the job in my opinion. We desperately need a good teacher who can help us learn to bottle feed a tiny preemie, learn how to deal with Bradys and Desats. I feel much more confident in my parenting because I dealt with such scary and serious issues early on and I had great nurse teachers along the way.
4. If a momma is pumping in the NICU, if you can give her privacy. If you’re having a quiet day, make sure she’s eating and drinking, and recommend talking to the lactation consultant as often as she needs to.
5. New moms cry. New NICU moms cry a lot. It’s hard to be so emotional in a public place. Learn how to be kind and caring but not dismissive or ignoring.
6. Be honest. Don’t say things are ok if they’re not. If you work the night shift and answer those 2 am phone calls from mom, know that you are our lifeline. We can’t be there 24/7 and just hearing Baby is ok is amazing.

 

[rydermaddox]

@pheonic Honestly all I expect from a nurse isn't much, just basic empathy/kindness and letting the parents take over for the most part. The only nurses I felt I had a problem with either tried to insert their opinion on things or way of doing things that wasn't coming from a helpful place, or were late with feeds/medicine.

 

[danny777]

@pheonic The big ones for us were having the nurses explain things to my husband and not just laugh over his concerns.

We were also so happy when we arrived in the morning and would see a nurse holding our baby or talking to them!

 

[katrina2017]

@pheonic What were the qualities of the best NICU nurse you had?

Attentive, nice, easy to talk to, does not micromanage the mother.

What help could a NICU nurse have offered you to cope better during the process?

Explain the monitors.

If you had any negative experiences with a NICU nurse, what could have been done to avoid them?

Do not joke, play on your phone/fb or ignore babies or their alarms. Do not take your job for granted. Watch all babies. During your spare time prepare and care for babies rather than ignoring them.

What expectations do you have of a NICU nurse?
I expected the nurses to not be condescending and to treat the parents with respect. I exodct them to treat the babies as their own.

I had an OK experience. A lot of nurses took their jobs for granted. I ended up filing a grievance. Some nurses made us feel like shit for having other kids at home that we obviously weren't going to neglect. Others yelled at me for bringing in too much milk. They never updated me on how much milk I really did have. They answered the phones like we were bothering them too.

Thanks for caring enough to ask

 

[all]

@pheonic My son was there for 12 days so we didn't have a ton of super positive experience.

• all nurses kept saying we could come 24/7. Thing was, I had his twin sister with me. It was heartbreaking to have to choose which baby to be with. And it made us feel so inadequate. When we were in the hospital we visited him twice a day and when we went home once a day, alternating between just my husband or all 3 of us. And honestly that's all we could manage.
• casually mentioning the child could be there for a very long time. He was born at 37 weeks and he needed to grow and keep his blood sugar up. There was no reason to think it would be that long. For instance was told not to buy premie diapers yet because we didn't know how long he be in. He was 4lbs. I heard this as he's going to be 6lbs or more when he leaves and I freaked out internally.
• I was recovering from a c-section and his stay in the NICU was unexpected. I was definitely not speaking up for myself or him because I just was processing everything that was happening. I would have liked the nurses to check a bit more with me on how I was doing it what I was thinking. Not just if I had any questions.
• as others have said feeding him when we had communicated we would be here for feedings. That meant I couldn't breastfeed him and my husband would sometimes just show up for the feed and he'd be asleep the whole time he could stay.
• I'm super sensitive to calling my children names and one nurse kept calling him little stinker and trouble maker in particular after ripping one of his bandaids off. I was not happy with that. Sorry my tiny newborn ripped his bandaid off on his tiny foot with so many pricks on it.
• I felt like discharge kinda sucked. It was too much info and too many decisions at once that could have been discussed in the days before. Also no one called us! Again, we had a newborn at home and we couldn't just leave at the drop of a hat.

Sorry I realize everything is pretty negative but maybe that can still help.