PUPD method- why not? Opinion needed!

[cwall]

Hi! I have a 7m LO and am super into gentle parenting, including sleep! She has been a terrible sleeper since birth and we bedshare + I breastfeed her every wake up, sometimes its hourly, sometimes every 2 h on a good night.

I’m a big fan of heysleepybaby and absolutely agree with her on everything. HOWEVER, i feel like I’ve done all the gentle adjustments necessary and she’s still not improving.

Someone presented me with the pick up put down method and I’m trying to understand why people like HSB would not recommend it? If its gentle. Is there something I’m missing?

I’m utterly against sleep training so i don’t wanna feel like im doing it, but at the same time PUPD seems fine? Help me think this through!

 

[billthecableman]

@cwall Imo this is an expectation thing, I never expected my child to sleep through the night so I never felt bad that he didn't. I feel like most people don't have a realistic view of baby sleep. I wouldn't do PUPD because I wanted to support my child to sleep, I have no expectations of them to be able to sleep longer or go to sleep unsupported.

 

[toysernis]

@billthecableman Agree with this sooooo much. People have such a skewed perspective on how babies are supposed to sleep.

I always find it funny (interesting?) when I see someone describe their “awful sleeper” who has “just always been a terrible, no good, very bad sleeper” and then they… describe my literal baby Who I would consider a good sleeper. He needed contact and support as a little baby, he gradually grew to need less contact and support and started sleeping longer stretches, he has random weeks of poor sleep (usually related to teething, big mental leaps, milestone mastering, illness, or just a random bout of poor sleep!), but now at almost 20 months, needs someone to lay next to him to fall asleep (takes 10-15 min) after his bedtime routine, he generally sleeps a good 6 hour stretch, wakes up, puts himself back to sleep about 60% of the time, needs a little support (laying next to him, maybe he snuggles our arm) about 30% of the time, and needs more support (back rub, new diaper, maybe nursing) about 10% of the time, then sleeps about another 5 hour stretch.

This experience is very normal imo, and aligns with everything I’ve read about the natural development of sleep and ‘self-soothing.’ etc. My son has always been responded to at night and he has a FANTASTIC relationship with going to bed. Probably because it’s never remotely been a time of separation and disconnection for him. He has even recently in the last couple weeks started asking to go to bed when he’s tired, getting his loveys ready, finding pjs, etc. to start his bedtime routine.

The majority of kids will naturally start sleeping through the night most of the time around age 18 months - 2 years, with occasional random off nights. This is without any intervention or training. I never expected our son to sleep through the night until around then anyway. Makes perfect sense that around 17/18 ish months, he just… started doing that some of the time, and has gradually started doing it more often since. He’s not yet at doing it all the time, but he’s also just about to turn 19 months, so that seems pretty reasonable to me! I’m glad I never forced him to move towards independence before he was ready. He has always rested comfortably in his dependence on us, and has the invisible string of our attachment tied around him & us to follow when he does need support.

 

[cb4yah]

@billthecableman YES. Expectations influence us so heavily in parenthood. I needed this reminder today

Expect nothing or expect the worst + either way you will be more content than if you expect no meltdowns or expect them to sleep longer etc

 

[christopherkeb]

@billthecableman It's really everything. Here in the states there is this push for independent babies... But babies aren't supposed to be independent. They need support and guidance.

 

[titus]

@cwall PUPD is definitely sleep training. Anything that claims to “teach” your baby to “self soothe” is built upon the tenets of sleep training. Sleep training encompasses “CIO” (extinction) down to PUPD or the “chair method.”

What are you describing about your baby’s sleep is considered normal for infant sleep. You could do everything everyone recommends (especially sleep training things that aren’t actual sleep training) like a bath, routine, full belly, sound machine, etc, a lot of baby sleep comes down to the “good” sleepers vs not so great sleepers.

I am not here to judge your decision to do it (or anyone else’s for that matter) but only answering your question. Here are some things you might want to read. Obviously you will make the best decision for you and your family!

https://evolutionaryparenting.com/gentle-sleep-resources/#

https://thebeyondsleeptrainingproje...Fk0s_YyQaDOF7H4rk_9xgRn4DsShm8e21g&format=amp

 

[trends]

@titus 100% ditto all this