Though I'm an only myself, I'd originally planned on having two, as did my wife, who isn't an only. Our first was very much planned, but though theoretically there were no complications during pregnancy, it was an awful time - morning sickness was so bad that my wife couldn't bear the smell of any food, even boiling rice, and couldn't hold down even water. She lost weight during the first trimester, and I was on the brink of asking her doctor about setting up IV feeding. My wife was listless, exhausted and in a very negative mood. I remember thinking that she would've been in no position to look after a child - in fact we were lucky that I was able to work from home for basically the first trimester and thus could look after her a bit. I know every pregnancy is different, etc, but again, if a second pregnancy were anywhere as bad, I don't know how we'd cope.
Then came the newborn stage. I love our kid to bits, but he's always been extremely difficult. He didn't so much cry as he screamed the place down, was very selective as to who could hold him, and even if it was the right person it wasn't enough to hold him, he had to be walked around and God help you if you sat down, and sometimes that wasn't enough either. On top of that, he was a light sleeper.
The sleeping part has gotten better, but it's far from OK - I've looked up the stats and done the math, and in terms of sleep deprivation basically he's been the equivalent of three easy babies, with no break between them, and counting. He's two handfuls, and with toddlerhood came epic tantrums - let's just say he's pretty strong and it sounds like he has powerful lungs. It's not hard to see how if we had a baby they'd keep waking each other up.
At one point, the IUD failed and we had oopsie pregnancy. It ended in miscarriage shortly after. While medically, officially there's no reason we couldn't try again, I think that was the turning point for my wife - we're no spring chickens, and we're not getting any younger, so after the difficult first pregnancy and the miscarriage, and two minor but necessary surgeries, she doesn't feel she could do it again physically or emotionally.
Then there was the pandemic. We were lucky in many ways, I kept my job and was able to work from home for much of the pandemic and so on - but things got really bad where we lived. We were close to two major hospitals, and the ambulance sirens kept getting more and more frequent at all hours, until they abruptly stopped - there was no more room at these huge hospitals. Then at this location it took forever for vaccines to be rolled out. I thanked my lucky stars that my kid was born at just the right time - young enough that he wasn't too affected (unlike schoolchildren and so on) but also that the pregnancy didn't take place during the pandemic. Still, it massively added to our stress levels.
My wife recently did have her doubts about being O&D, but I think we're now both firm in our decision. I don't see how we could cope, even if our hypothetical second were an easy baby, and of course having an only has its advantages. Personally, for me the biggest two are not having to split resources (money, time, attention, living space, etc) and that, as an only myself, I feel clueless about how to foster good sibling relationships and avoid actual and perceived favoritism - I've seen enough sibling rivalry, conflict, etc that I laugh at the spiel of "siblings are (always, automatically) friends for life." My kid is an extrovert and not shy at all so I'm not worried he'll be lonely.
Then came the newborn stage. I love our kid to bits, but he's always been extremely difficult. He didn't so much cry as he screamed the place down, was very selective as to who could hold him, and even if it was the right person it wasn't enough to hold him, he had to be walked around and God help you if you sat down, and sometimes that wasn't enough either. On top of that, he was a light sleeper.
The sleeping part has gotten better, but it's far from OK - I've looked up the stats and done the math, and in terms of sleep deprivation basically he's been the equivalent of three easy babies, with no break between them, and counting. He's two handfuls, and with toddlerhood came epic tantrums - let's just say he's pretty strong and it sounds like he has powerful lungs. It's not hard to see how if we had a baby they'd keep waking each other up.
At one point, the IUD failed and we had oopsie pregnancy. It ended in miscarriage shortly after. While medically, officially there's no reason we couldn't try again, I think that was the turning point for my wife - we're no spring chickens, and we're not getting any younger, so after the difficult first pregnancy and the miscarriage, and two minor but necessary surgeries, she doesn't feel she could do it again physically or emotionally.
Then there was the pandemic. We were lucky in many ways, I kept my job and was able to work from home for much of the pandemic and so on - but things got really bad where we lived. We were close to two major hospitals, and the ambulance sirens kept getting more and more frequent at all hours, until they abruptly stopped - there was no more room at these huge hospitals. Then at this location it took forever for vaccines to be rolled out. I thanked my lucky stars that my kid was born at just the right time - young enough that he wasn't too affected (unlike schoolchildren and so on) but also that the pregnancy didn't take place during the pandemic. Still, it massively added to our stress levels.
My wife recently did have her doubts about being O&D, but I think we're now both firm in our decision. I don't see how we could cope, even if our hypothetical second were an easy baby, and of course having an only has its advantages. Personally, for me the biggest two are not having to split resources (money, time, attention, living space, etc) and that, as an only myself, I feel clueless about how to foster good sibling relationships and avoid actual and perceived favoritism - I've seen enough sibling rivalry, conflict, etc that I laugh at the spiel of "siblings are (always, automatically) friends for life." My kid is an extrovert and not shy at all so I'm not worried he'll be lonely.
