Opposite Naming Philosophies

[shane2008]

Hey all,

New to this subreddit. My wife and I are expecting our first kiddo about 9 weeks from now We are very excited to have learned that this little one is a boy due in part to a realization that we had: our naming philosophies for girls are very, very different.

Not talking can’t find a name we agree on, but our ways of approaching the name lead us to two fields of middle names that have little to no overlap. See here:

Me: The first/middle name combination for a girl should clearly be girls’ names on both fronts, e.g., Laura Ann, Rachel Elaine, etc.

Her: First name should be a girl’s name, but the middle name should be a family last name, e.g., Laura Jones, Rachel Smith, etc.

That essentially leaves rummaging through our family trees in search of a feminine-sounding middle name, the closest one at this point in time being “Foxhall.” Not that we need to decide this now (we’ve got a short list for this little guy), but if/when it comes up in the future, having some ideas may be helpful. Anyone been in similar circumstances and have suggestions?

 

[katrina2017]

@shane2008 Sometimes one person has to let go and let the other person choose. For example, I heard from a friend that she had more say in the first name, so she gave in to her husband's choice for the middle name which was important to him but not her favorite at all. In the end, both parents should be okay with both names, but it's fine to give in to a name that is just 'okay' for the sake of compromise. I think it's especially important to consider family traditions. In general, picking names for humans is super hard.

For the record, I think Foxhall is cute!

 

[shane2008]

@katrina2017 Thanks for the insight! It's ultimately not the most important aspect of the name, as we both want to use names from our faith tradition in naming our children, but still something we want to be okay with together. May ask her about how the tradition came to be.

And Foxhall is pretty cute, and may fit pretty well because we tend to think up animal nicknames for potential children-to-be (this current one tends to have a "bear" theme for possible names).

 

[shane2008]

Just asked her; it's twofold reasoning --
1. Used for her and her mother at least, but unsure of rest of family
2. Girly names make her feel nauseous (which I don't want to inspire, especially while pregnant)

 

[blondemom93]

@katrina2017 This is great advice. I support this advice.

 

[danielruben]

@shane2008 "Foxhall" is kind of awesome.

 

[pekka]

@shane2008 I suggest your just forget about since you’re having a boy.

Neither of you are right or wrong. Naming is subjective and shouldn’t really be thought of as having a way it needs to be done.

If I had been in your shoes, I would have gone with your wife’s method. It seems like a bit of a strange preference that I would guess is something of a tradition in her family. I like my wife and her family so I wouldn’t want to snub any of their meaningful traditions based on a personal aesthetic preference. Add in the fact that it’s usually a given that kids get the dad’s last name and I can see why your wife would want her daughter to have a matrilineal link back to your wife’s family.

 

[shane2008]

@pekka Thanks for the insights! We're hoping to have a larger family in the long run (7-8ish?), so we thought we'd prep now.

Would be cool to have a matrilineal link. We have considered my side, too, but they don't work quite as well for us (ex: Ochsner).

 

[maccabeus]

@shane2008 The wife and I are finalizing the girl's name shortly, and while we had a similar idea of what we liked, how we got there was a completely different story.

I've had a handful of names that I've liked for the better part of 20 years. While she likes my choices, she insisted on going through the entire 100,000 names in the name book, narrowing that down to a few hundred, then narrowing down some more, and some more, and some more, until we had the finalists. Then, it was the same battle for the middle names, and once she shot down my favorites for middle name (Rey and Wyld), we pretty much settled on the first name and a couple choices for middle name. Which, by the way, were on the original list of favorites.

As far as your situation goes, if you really need to make her happy, why not talk about your distant relative who just happens to have a last name VERY similar to one you like. Tell tales about Great Aunt Clarice Rose, or your 8x great grandmother Elaine of Saxon.

 

[jeanvh]

@shane2008

a family last name, e.g., Laura Jones, Rachel Smith, etc.

As in, any family last name? I'm wondering if your wife wants to honor her ancestors or just wants to use a surname as a middle name.

 

[shane2008]

@jeanvh Seems like honoring her ancestors, but we've considered my side as well.

 

[jeanvh]

@shane2008 Doesn't that give you choice of like, 4 names? How far back in her lineage is she going?

 

[shane2008]

@jeanvh Let's put it this way: her father has made a genealogical tree that goes all the way back to one of the kings of Scotland.

 

[danielruben]

@shane2008 Thanks to your mention of "Foxhall", my wife and I agreed on "fox" for a middle name for a girl (So I can call her "Foxy" as a nickname). Thanks for the tip!