@kanelee5 I’ve been there. MIL and SIL followed us home from being discharged from my c-section and as soon as we walk in the door with baby, MIL asks my husband to leave out and “go get food”. He told her no in the most exhausted, monotone voice. We were flabbergasted. They left after an hr and went back to their stage, 2-3 hr drive, having done nothing.
I still have a bad taste in my mouth from it 5 months later so I’d say speak on it now.
@kanelee5 If they’re decent people, try talking to them. They might think they are helping (you know them better than i do though!)
I will tell you this… to me, my family holding the baby while I did anything else was exactly the help I wanted. I wanted to pass her off for a bit while I washed dishes and did laundry.
@jellobiafra I agree that it’s nice to actually finish a task without being interrupted six times by a toddler. Like, how did it just take 2 hours to wash dishes & clean the sink?!
@kanelee5 um.. they give you guys room to go out and eat / relax.. what’s the complaint? i mean they sound kinda clueless but i still think you’re lucky to be able to get away with husband bc of them. the sister just asked her brother (not you) for a dang sandwich. there are worse things to complain about.
@kanelee5 Before they come next time, write out a list of a handful of specific things that would actually be helpful when they come over (wash dishes, buy ingredients and meal prep, laundry, clean bathroom, water plants — literally anything unglamorous). Post the list to your fridge. Next time they come over, say “oh, we’ve actually got a list things we could use help with now, since people have been looking for ways to help!” The take baby and scoot to your room to rest while your partner takes point on any chore-related questions from his family.
If they really want to help they’ll be happy, if they just want to “help” they’ll stop coming pretty quickly when faced with actual expectations/tasks.
@kanelee5 I had a c section a couple months ago. I was not in any kind of shape to be doing housework or going out to eat just a week into recovery. Going to baby's first doctor's appointment with my husband driving was super intense even. I don't think I felt ok until the end of week 3. Even then you aren't supposed to lift things bigger than your baby and over exert yourself. At most you should be doing some light walking now and not even long walks, just get up and walk around the house several times a day.
@kanelee5 I maintain that no one should have to have people over for 2-3 months PP. Or longer if you want. I hated having people over. They brought food and ate it and made a mess. I just wanted to be alone with my family. I tell new moms this all of the time to try to save them. But alas, I’m a people pleaser so I didn’t stand up for myself. I hope others can.
