Not to be a hater but

D

dbog

New member
Maternity leave in the U.S. sucks major ass. Just finished getting specifics from my job about maternity leave & it’s not ideal. 12 weeks total of full/partial pay. I know beggars can’t be choosers but it’s hard not to feel short changed when compared to other countries.

Like I would do anything for 6 months of paid leave lol.

Has it occurred to anyone that maybe I actually want to be home with my kid for the first 6 months of their life?

My husband and I have decent jobs, work full time, already bought a house, and own two cars- one is paid off & the other will be shortly. I feel like we’re doing everything the right way but for some reason I feel like we’re being punished for wanting kids. It’s starting to feel like a luxury.

I did the calculations & at minimum I’d have to pay $2500 out of pocket for a standard delivery. And it’s absurd that you’re expected to negotiate that amount with the hospital after just giving birth like wtf

We have less than a year to go before we start trying but now I don’t feel as confident. Thinking about this stuff has definitely put a damper on things.
 
@dbog It suuuuckssss! I can't get over how crummy the FMLA law is. SO many exceptions and caveats just for UNPAID leave. And then the fact that most companies with paid leave policies make you take your paid time and short term disability concurrently with FMLA. Like, come ON can't you at least let me start that 12 week unpaid clock after I exhaust my paid time? Yes I need some money but I also would give up a lot to at least be able to stretch the time with the baby out as much as possible, without losing my job.

I'm lucky in that I can take a total of 17 weeks, of which I think 10-14 will be paid depending on the type of birth and whether I have sick and vacation time banked to use. My husband will not even be able to take unpaid FMLA because he works for a small business.

Edit to add because I'm heated right now: why the hell can you only take 12 weeks under FMLA to care for a baby but you can take 26 weeks to care for a military service member? Make it make sense!
 
@watchdogofgod I do not understand how it’s legal for them to force you to use PTO and FMLA concurrently. If that was my company, I’d go on an extravagant vacation while pregnant to use up all my PTO, and then just take FMLA like normal after birth. If you take them at the same time, it’s basically like not even getting FMLA (and FMLA is already trash!).
 
@dichthuatsaigon I don't think I have to use my vacation time on FMLA, but it's not like it's all that much--only three weeks/year and doesn't roll over. Sick time and "parental leave" (four weeks) do run concurrently with FMLA though so there's nothing I can do to run them out before leave lol.
 
@dbog I totally agree!! Sometimes I fantasize about there being a national movement of would-be parents that band together and say, "If you want us to have the next generation of Americans, you better making it fucking humane to have the next generation of Americans! No baby until it won't cost me 4 months rent for the birth alone." It's painful hearing about other countries who have a year off... paid... and a guarantee that they'll still have a job when they return... Ugh.

And it bothers me so, so much that parental leave for the partner isn't normalized. It feels like it's based in assumptions that the partner is male (which is heteronormative) and, because of that, clearly doesn't care about being at home with their new child (which is sexist). Friends of mine had their first baby a few years ago and the husband only got to stay home to help and adjust to having a baby for the first time for two weeks. Two weeks!
 
@anonymous778 My state has partially paid parental leave and medical leave (with job protection) which is so much better than the previous state FMLA equivalent "8 weeks unpaid we can't fire you" that is all I would have qualified for (small company--FMLA doesn't apply). I am still worried about actually taking it because no one at my office has had a kid in the 5 years I've been working there and my bosses are dudes who maybe took a week or 2 of vacation time when their kids were born 20-30 years ago.
 
@dbog Not to put a further damper on things, but kiddo often has their own deductible and fees, plus if you’ve got a pregnancy that spans two calendar years, that can mean 2 deductibles. I learned this the hard way. I have a January kid.

I went back to work at 4 months. That felt about right. I am not cut out to be a SAHM and the monotony of feeds and naps was numbing my brain. Going back to work was hard, but it was such a relief to have childcare and not be solely responsible for every diaper, every feed, every cry… which is also why this country needs equal parental leave for both sexes.
 
@cewilder Yeah I'm expecting we will hit full OPM for 2 years @ a lovely 25k. If we spend less-great. I'm on my husband's better plan too. Then 5 days paid mat leave (which just happened last year when the first woman on the board had a baby) and 3 weeks paid STD at 60 percent. Husband has no leave, but their company sends out a baby blanket with the company logo, ew.
 
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