Nonstop Begging

@salimpu What did i say the first time you asked? Am i going to change my answer when you ask again? Good, how about you find something else to do or i can figure out a chore for you.
 
@ibeenthere2 He’s not good with that type of response yet. He doesn’t care to answer my questions or just says “I don’t know”. He’s usually too emotionally charged in that moment.
 
@salimpu Perhaps you could try some playfulness to lighten the mood. Like scoop him up in your arms and say, “He wants a popsicle!” And run around with him. And ask silly stuff like, “Do you want to eat a popsicle upside down?” And then turn him upside down in your arms and spin around. “Do you want to eat a popsicle in the bath?” And just get him giggling and being silly and redirect his attention.

I find we are often so serious talking with our kids and trying to be logical and playfulness is a great way to diffuse situations. There’s even an entire book called Playful Parenting if you want to go deeper.
 
@salimpu Listen to the Unruffled podcast by Janet Lansbury. She has great advice on how to stay calm and stable even when your child is not. Because, let’s face it children are not known for being calm and stable. Once you accept and expect that children will have big emotions and reactions your life will be so much easier.

I love the paramedic example. Imagine you fell and broke your leg and needed to call an ambulance. What would you do if they showed up, took one look at you and started freaking out about your leg saying, “oh no! It’s so broken! What are we going to do? Why would you go and break your leg? Don’t you know that’s bad for you?!”

How would that make you feel? Probably even more scared and unsure than before. Their job is to be calm and to help people when they need them most. It’s the same with parents. It’s our job to be calm and help our kids through their big problems and feelings without being sucked into the chaos.

The begging can be SO annoying, I get it. But they control their actions and you control your reaction. You can empathize “I know, you really wanted that.” You can reaffirm a rule, “please does not turn a ‘no’ into a ‘yes.’” You can stop engaging and just be a calming presence. If you feel like you’re going to lose your cool excuse yourself, tap out, put in headphones, go outside. Any annoyance or anger you show in that moment is more likely to make the problem worse in the long run. It’ll likely show that you are unsure about your stance or how to handle the situation.

A big reaction shows your child they are powerful and persistent enough to change your mood. They’re not. You are the rock. You are the confident, calm leader your child can look to when they are out of control.

ETA: to your wife’s reaction: sometimes it’s okay to seek a compromise, but NEVER in response to begging. Stand by your decisions with confidence. Remind yourself that it is good for your child to handle disappointment. It is good for them to discover their limits. It is good for them to feel big feelings from start to finish without someone rescuing them from their emotions.
 
@salimpu My daughter does this too, no matter if I engage with her or eventually ignore her… she just goes on and on and on. We’ve been setting a “no asking timer” lately. She has 1 minute to practice not asking, and during that minute we talk about a song we could listen to when the timer goes, a different toy we can take off the top shelf, etc. to give her something else to focus on. It’s been effective for us so far!
 
@salimpu Whatever consequences you've come up with, you need to actually implement after you threaten them, instead of walking away.

I have stubborn kids like this, and it's hard for me to follow-through sometimes. But when I buckle down and do it, I see a marked improvement in how they respond to me. I find time-outs sufficient (even if they're back-to-back on difficult days), because the kids don't like them and it gives me a minute or two to cool down. Later on, if I threaten a time-out, they usually make the adjustment they need to in order for us to continue enjoying each other's company.
 
@salimpu So this is just off the top of my head but it's normal for the child to keep begging and trying. I also think it's perfectly fine to offer a compromise whenever possible because if he's begging that much he obviously really wants it. I think when you say no you don't have to be perfect, I think it's perfectly fine to change your mind sometimes and say yes sometimes. We are not robots and neither are our children. I also think it's incredibly important to only hold firm if you really have to. If it's not a big deal, show your child grace and generosity by giving in. I know everyone is different but this is my belief. Children have almost no control in their life and get told no 24/7. I try to give what I can because before you know it ten more no's are around the corner.

This might also be obvious but if it is a necessary no I would definitely try distraction after the boundary has been set and you've comforted them. They are just stuck processing the disappointment and possibly getting dysregulated by begging so distraction can really help.

If you need help coming up with a distraction just think of what can he have that could potentially meet his needs? If he wants ice cream what about some yogurt with fruit in it? What about a cup of milk? What about we go outside and play a bit before dinner? Or can you just give him more ice cream? Sometimes it's really not a big deal to have seconds
 
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