No help with baby from father

[noblemouse]

My baby is 3 months almost 4. I’m am so tired and mentally drained. It’s very hard and I think what makes it hard is having no help from the father. I’m so still with him in a relationship but I’m starting to think I’m better off single since I already feel that way.except I wouldn’t have the stress of I guess”bitching” at him about no help. I waiting to have a baby in my 30s thinking by then I would pick a good partner not a quick one and turns out even the ex’s i judged thinking would be horrible fathers are actually great ones now The father wakes up at 11 1130 am goes to work and comes back at 9 10pm which is by choice might I add since he is self employed. That makes me more upset that he doesn’t work somewhere he has to stay mandatory he chooses to go that late and come late and I get no break till my baby sleeps and even then I’m up washing bottles, eating, showering. Washing. Cleaning. At the end of my preg I got high blood pressure and I’m still with it 3 months later so I don’t feel well at times and know that the stress contributes to it. I’m so sad that he doesn’t care about it enough to help. Also in case someone wants to say he has to work for baby I support my baby 100% w my leave money. Every single thing he has is from me. Everything I have is from myself. I even pay our cell bill. He pays 1000 for rent and just his gas. I don’t ask for much. Anyways I told him I’m going to my moms so she can help me enough for myself to be able to eat and shower atleast during the day. I need help since due to my bp being bad I have to make home made food and workout. Today I told him if he isn’t home and don’t showering by 9pm to not call me about seeing the baby cuz it’s too late and it is completely pointless all he does is come late works baby up and then in struggle to put him to sleep I’m talking 1. 2 in morning. So ya I said after 9 don’t bother. Am I wrong????

Anyways I’m going to go back to school to get paid more for what I do so u don’t have to ask him for anything. I’m just going to do it alone like I’m single already. What do You guys think? Am I wrong
He wants me to leave him alone all morning and day and at night to sleep or he won’t go to work the next day cuz he says baby kept him u. I know so many dads who do it all. This sucks

 

[toddinsd]

@noblemouse In short: fuck him. It took 2 people to make this baby amd he's taking no responsibility for that. He is being neither a partner to you nor a father to his child. Unless you think there is any chance communication and therapy can help your relationship, leave.

 

[noblemouse]

@toddinsd I was thinking about that but not sure when we would have time w a newborn rt now

 

[toddinsd]

@noblemouse If it's worth saving, the time can be found. But don't bother if you don't think it's worth it. Having a newborn is difficult enough without also being in a terrible relationship at the same time. And it's not going to get easier as the child gets older either.

 

[stdamage]

@noblemouse I cannot fathom why you haven’t left him to live with your mom

 

[noblemouse]

@stdamage I guess I feel so sad that the baby won’t have a fam that’s together but I can’t stay like this either. Im at my moms during the week day n night . I hope I get use to it here so it’s easier to adjust to leaving

 

[thecoming2k]

@noblemouse You might live together but in no way is he actively part of your family. You’re a single parent.

Go live with your mom, go to school, and raise that baby in a stable home.

 

[nablusstar]

@noblemouse Nothing here describes a partner in any way. I would drop the dead weight as fast as possible.

 

[williame300]

@noblemouse Go live with your mom and make the dude pay child support. That will teach him.

 

[noblemouse]

@williame300 That’s a whole other story. I hope no1 can find my Reddit

 

[caz911]

@noblemouse this is so hard. doing it alone is so hard. and you are, 100%, doing it alone. don’t give him the time of day. ultimatums usually are never okay, but you need to give him one. either he steps up, or your done. hes done.

 

[rosemae]

@noblemouse As a new father , I can say I am embarrassed to hear you’re story , it should never be like that , he probably has problems with himself but that’s also just an excuse. Have a serious talk about consequences, if nothing is changing instantly, then that’s no father , at least not now . You are doing it already , you can do it send you love and power !

 

[noblemouse]

@rosemae Thank you. I’ve had the talk many times and nothing changes. He tries to help a bit more but sees me as lazy. Sucks

 

[noblemouse]

I appreciate everyone’s advice I’m trying to be strong and do what I have to do.

 

[noblemouse]

Everyone who has a equal partner is so lucky, I’m happy for those of you who have that. I’m not going to settle and be unhappy. Thanks everyone

 

[james2000]

@noblemouse This is ridiculous. You are way better off without additional stress of having to stress about lazy piece of shit.

And I’m telling you this as a father who splits everything (except breadtfeeding). Fuck that guy

 

[banneh]

@noblemouse Listen to everyone in the comments. My partner does equal amount of work as me when taking care of our newborn.

He isn’t even helping you the slightest bit. Dump his ass. He is absolutely dead weight. As in, you are better off without. Go with your mom.

 

[riabb]

@noblemouse Hi mama. Sorry you are going through this.

I dont usually like to blast my private life, but.... I went through THE EXACT thing. My husband and i are professionals. I waited until my 30's also to have a baby and i feel like i CHOSE him. Everything seemed amazing during the relationship and he was super helpful until i became pregnant. I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia but i was still doing alot of the house chores. We both work and i hate to say this, but i was making more money than him too ;/

I had a c-section and i didnt have any help. My husband took a week off and then left on a "work trip" which was not mandatory. He basically got to go fuck off while i was home with a newborn and going through postpartum depression and exclusively pumping (because baby wouldn't latch).

His mom came by to help a few nights while he was gone. But i was mostly alone.

This continued and he did not take paternity leave. I was with the baby 24/7. At times he would sleep in the other room because we would wake him.

Sometimes i would be so freakin exhausted i would demand for him to help me at night which would cause a fight, but i would get so desperate that i didnt care.

This cause severe postpartum depression for me. I didnt recognize him. I felt rejected and i felt like my child didnt matter. Worst of all...this was his 3rd child.. We have two others from a previous marriage.

Anyway... I dont want to advise you to leave him because you probably love him. I love my husband even though he was selfish and irresponsible to his duties, but i can tell you that it gets easier as the baby gets older. I eventually didnt ask him for shit.

I started driving to my moms who lives an hour and a half away and staying there to get some sleep.

I basically lived my life with the baby and stopped including my husband who accused me of being a terrible wife.

But once i stopped needing his help, he started coming around.

When you stop relying on men who loooove to be chased and needed, they suddenly want your attention.

Its bullshit. But just dont include him. Do your thing. Enjoy your time with the baby. Dont let him ruin these precious months by making you shitty about being alone in the journey.

He will come around when you stop caring.

Hope this helps. But you can message me in private, i dont want to blast my stuff too much in the open lol, but i definitely can relate. You are not alone. I promise it gets better for you.