My toddler keeps getting poorly

[ofartemis]

A little context, me and my daughters dad broke up when she was around 10 months old because he threatened us both with a k***e whilst drunk and also whilst I was nursing. I rang the police, he snatched my phone threw it and took her from me and left through the night. I’m still super traumatised by it all almost 2 years on but it’s been dealt with and he’s on a suspended sentence. Social services were involved etc and they said he was safe to be around her, and to be honest even with everything that happened between me and him, I didn’t want to take their relationship away so I allowed him to see her twice a week whilst I worked. I don’t have family in the area (250+ miles away) but I chose to stay local so he could continue to see her, this worked okay for a while but now I’m in a new relationship and I’m starting to feel like I’ve been way too lenient with him after having conversations with my OH about his behaviour. He now only sees her once a week but everytime he does she almost always comes back poorly with viral skin rashes, a cold, a sickness bug or something and it’s really starting to frustrate me and my partner because it’s not fair on her or us to have to pick up the difficult days when she’s inconsolable. We took her to a&e because she wasn’t eating or drinking which is out of character for her, I didn’t tell her dad at the time where we were because I knew he wouldn’t care, but when I eventually did he showed no concern and didn’t ask how she was etc. We seem to make progress with her, we suspect she has autism and ADHD and then whenever she’s not with us she seems to go backwards. She comes back covered with bruises or cuts and scratches, grubby and hyper. She can talk but she doesn’t communicate things that happen around her or how she’s feeling so it’s hard to ask her at the moment. I guess I’m just after some opinions in terms of what I should do. He has a very ‘meh’ attitude to everything, he doesn’t drive, he just doesn’t seem to adult very well..

 

[lidia1963]

@ofartemis Can you get social services involved again to inspect his property where she sleeps and plays? Can you get her diagnosed and make sure that dad participates in the plan?

 

[ofartemis]

@lidia1963 I mean I could, he lives with his mum I know that much. We’re in the process of getting her diagnosed but it’s a long waiting list in the UK. Even when we’ve had meetings about her development and I’ve told him that she has them coming up he never asks to attend or even asks how they went or how she is etc

 

[lidia1963]

@ofartemis He probably has the same autism she does.

 

[boy243]

@lidia1963 This is a solid answer. Not an excuse, but something that if true, just explains it some.