TLDR my baby sisters bio mom wants attention so she is being mean to my sister and I want to do mean things to bio mom.
this is a throw away. if you recognize some of this please keep it to yourself
trigger/content warning...mention of suicide and infant death
people mentioned:
sis=H, me=A, bio mom= B, sis friend=C, bio dad=E, biograndmom=G, bioaunt/my cousin=D
so, my sister sent me a text this morning that she got from her bio mom.
Her bio mom is my 1st cousin. quick background breakdown...H was adopted by my parents when she was about 4. I was in my late 20's. Her bio mom is the daughter of my mother's brother. It was one of those situations where the bio parents aren't together, aren't in a good situation and my parents stepped up. The bio dad (E) died whenH was about 6 years old. bio mom (B) has never been around much. Our mom died when H was 16. so H and I have a sometimes strained mother/daughter/sister relationship.
H had a baby in November and the baby died at 2 weeks old from a chromosomal abnormality. We had to plan a funeral. I was with H the day she met with the funeral director and he asked who she wanted named in the obituary. we are grief stricken, numb. She named the baby's dad, baby's half brother, baby's paternal grandparents, baby's maternal grandparents (which is her adoptive parents/my parents). And the funeral home posted that on their website. The next day I get a call from my cousin(D) (sister of my sister's mom) and she tells me her mom (sis's bio maternal grandmother akaG) had called her screaming and crying that she wasn't mentioned in the obituary and that she knew I had written it because I only named my family/sis's adopted family. and I was like "Oh no! I know H didn't mean to leave anyone out or get feelings hurt" so I called the funeral home and had them add G and stepdad to the obit as great grandparents (which is funny because my parents were older then them). And then H added her half brother as an uncle and me and her best friend (C) as aunts. And we had the funeral, outside, no service. I was there, C and her family were there, baby dad family (but not the man himself) and G and step dad.
about a week later,C texted me some screenshots of a text she had with B. It started with B saying "who wrote the obit?" and then saying how heartbreaking it was that she and E weren't mentioned. C replied "I'm sorry" and B responded ( I am taking this directly from the text) "It's not your fault baby. I just wondered if A wrote it because that is something she would do to be vindictive. Its sad because H's uncle spent hundreds of dollars on a swing for baby. He was so excited E was going to have a grandbaby...his family never stopped loving Heven though they were kept from being in her life. Its heartbreaking because I found out that is why E took his life. he called wanting to visit H and A told him he was nothing but a sperm donor and that he wasn't fit to take care of her and he would never get to see her and that H didn't even know he existed. That phone call hurt him so bad he jumped in front of a train after drinking and drugging for 2 days. he was devastated his baby girl didn't know he loved her. His cousin told me the whole story and I will never forgive A. I am not sure what H was told but I always tried to make sure H knew that him and his family loved her dearly and always was wanting to see her and know her because they had no reason not to. it was wrong.but I wasn't surprised that I wasn't mentioned because just like I wasn't told until the last minute. I don't exist and am not wanted in family matters. But I loved my granddaughter and if it wasn't for E and I she wouldn't have existed. It was one of my greatest accomplishments and I am proud that I had such a beautiful little granddaughter from my gorgeous daughter" She also posted a picture of the baby on her facebook and C told her to take it down. I told C to not bother H with any of it. That she didn't need all this extra with all that she was dealing with. I didn't hear anything more until about a week ago when H said C told her B had her feelings hurt. and I told H to not let it worry her. H has also been getting harrassed by the baby dad's other baby mom about including her son's name in the obit. Like she is mad that he was named because as far as she is concerned, that was not his sis because paternity wasn't established or some shit. she also called me and C out on facebook trying to get us to feed into her need for attention.
so, H sent me a screen shot of a text from B this morning. which is almost one month to the day since the funeral. and it says "I hope you had a Merry xmas. I was really hurt that your biological parents weren't mentioned in the baby's obituary. It spoke volumes to me and G, pretty much confirmed that you don't consider me your family. I'm gonna leave you alone but just know that if it weren't for me and E you wouldn't exist. We deserved to be mentioned and I tried to post a pic of baby and C made me take it down. I swear I'm grieving too and now I feel even worse because I now know you don't consider me or E family and that kills me. I'll leave you alone but I'm glad that you have a strong support system with your adopted family"
I am so furious. How dare she try to guilt H now. She wasn't a part of H's life for her entire life and that was her choice. We never tried to keep H from her or her family. G refused to adopt H when H needed someone because she was "too old". So my parents adopted H. Which was no hardship at all. H had been with us more or less since she was born because B and E were addicts. I hate B. I just do. She was my favorite cousin growing up and I loved being around her because she was so much fun. but now I just hate her. I don't care what she says about me. but how dare she do this to H at this time. I want to talk to her sister D because we are pretty close but...G and B are her family. I wish I had some way to put B in her place. I know what she is mad about is that she can't post things on facebook and get all kinds of sympathy and attention off her dead granddaughter. She wasn't around and she has not been around for H at all ever. I am the one who has been there. I have been there for her whole life, even when we have not been getting along. I was with her or C was with her for every doctor appointment through the whole rollercoaster pregnancy. I am the one who held H's hand while she gave birth and I am the one who was there when she got the news. I was with her while she held her baby girl for the first and last time.
I talked with H about this today. She said she is just going to block B and not respond to her. I told her that was probably the best course.
this is a throw away. if you recognize some of this please keep it to yourself
trigger/content warning...mention of suicide and infant death
people mentioned:
sis=H, me=A, bio mom= B, sis friend=C, bio dad=E, biograndmom=G, bioaunt/my cousin=D
so, my sister sent me a text this morning that she got from her bio mom.
Her bio mom is my 1st cousin. quick background breakdown...H was adopted by my parents when she was about 4. I was in my late 20's. Her bio mom is the daughter of my mother's brother. It was one of those situations where the bio parents aren't together, aren't in a good situation and my parents stepped up. The bio dad (E) died whenH was about 6 years old. bio mom (B) has never been around much. Our mom died when H was 16. so H and I have a sometimes strained mother/daughter/sister relationship.
H had a baby in November and the baby died at 2 weeks old from a chromosomal abnormality. We had to plan a funeral. I was with H the day she met with the funeral director and he asked who she wanted named in the obituary. we are grief stricken, numb. She named the baby's dad, baby's half brother, baby's paternal grandparents, baby's maternal grandparents (which is her adoptive parents/my parents). And the funeral home posted that on their website. The next day I get a call from my cousin(D) (sister of my sister's mom) and she tells me her mom (sis's bio maternal grandmother akaG) had called her screaming and crying that she wasn't mentioned in the obituary and that she knew I had written it because I only named my family/sis's adopted family. and I was like "Oh no! I know H didn't mean to leave anyone out or get feelings hurt" so I called the funeral home and had them add G and stepdad to the obit as great grandparents (which is funny because my parents were older then them). And then H added her half brother as an uncle and me and her best friend (C) as aunts. And we had the funeral, outside, no service. I was there, C and her family were there, baby dad family (but not the man himself) and G and step dad.
about a week later,C texted me some screenshots of a text she had with B. It started with B saying "who wrote the obit?" and then saying how heartbreaking it was that she and E weren't mentioned. C replied "I'm sorry" and B responded ( I am taking this directly from the text) "It's not your fault baby. I just wondered if A wrote it because that is something she would do to be vindictive. Its sad because H's uncle spent hundreds of dollars on a swing for baby. He was so excited E was going to have a grandbaby...his family never stopped loving Heven though they were kept from being in her life. Its heartbreaking because I found out that is why E took his life. he called wanting to visit H and A told him he was nothing but a sperm donor and that he wasn't fit to take care of her and he would never get to see her and that H didn't even know he existed. That phone call hurt him so bad he jumped in front of a train after drinking and drugging for 2 days. he was devastated his baby girl didn't know he loved her. His cousin told me the whole story and I will never forgive A. I am not sure what H was told but I always tried to make sure H knew that him and his family loved her dearly and always was wanting to see her and know her because they had no reason not to. it was wrong.but I wasn't surprised that I wasn't mentioned because just like I wasn't told until the last minute. I don't exist and am not wanted in family matters. But I loved my granddaughter and if it wasn't for E and I she wouldn't have existed. It was one of my greatest accomplishments and I am proud that I had such a beautiful little granddaughter from my gorgeous daughter" She also posted a picture of the baby on her facebook and C told her to take it down. I told C to not bother H with any of it. That she didn't need all this extra with all that she was dealing with. I didn't hear anything more until about a week ago when H said C told her B had her feelings hurt. and I told H to not let it worry her. H has also been getting harrassed by the baby dad's other baby mom about including her son's name in the obit. Like she is mad that he was named because as far as she is concerned, that was not his sis because paternity wasn't established or some shit. she also called me and C out on facebook trying to get us to feed into her need for attention.
so, H sent me a screen shot of a text from B this morning. which is almost one month to the day since the funeral. and it says "I hope you had a Merry xmas. I was really hurt that your biological parents weren't mentioned in the baby's obituary. It spoke volumes to me and G, pretty much confirmed that you don't consider me your family. I'm gonna leave you alone but just know that if it weren't for me and E you wouldn't exist. We deserved to be mentioned and I tried to post a pic of baby and C made me take it down. I swear I'm grieving too and now I feel even worse because I now know you don't consider me or E family and that kills me. I'll leave you alone but I'm glad that you have a strong support system with your adopted family"
I am so furious. How dare she try to guilt H now. She wasn't a part of H's life for her entire life and that was her choice. We never tried to keep H from her or her family. G refused to adopt H when H needed someone because she was "too old". So my parents adopted H. Which was no hardship at all. H had been with us more or less since she was born because B and E were addicts. I hate B. I just do. She was my favorite cousin growing up and I loved being around her because she was so much fun. but now I just hate her. I don't care what she says about me. but how dare she do this to H at this time. I want to talk to her sister D because we are pretty close but...G and B are her family. I wish I had some way to put B in her place. I know what she is mad about is that she can't post things on facebook and get all kinds of sympathy and attention off her dead granddaughter. She wasn't around and she has not been around for H at all ever. I am the one who has been there. I have been there for her whole life, even when we have not been getting along. I was with her or C was with her for every doctor appointment through the whole rollercoaster pregnancy. I am the one who held H's hand while she gave birth and I am the one who was there when she got the news. I was with her while she held her baby girl for the first and last time.
I talked with H about this today. She said she is just going to block B and not respond to her. I told her that was probably the best course.