My children's father and court

[act456]

So me and my kids father have been to court already, 50/50 joint legal custody. Only thing is I was given primary household for school, my son starts kindergarten next week and he has decided to file for a change of order to have my son moved to the school by his house since his other son (who is also starting kindergarten.. IKR)
Anyways I told him it was fine for my son to go to school with his brother only with a written agreement that it would only be for this school year, he refused so I told him I'll stick to the court order and enroll him in my school district. We ended up going back and fourth about it and he kept bringing up court, me having a newborn not wanting to deal with the stress of court all over again decided I'll let him go with his brother, I ask their father for his ID and proof of residency so I can enroll him and he says "thought u were enrolling him over there" (my school district) I didn't want to argue and said okay. He's now calling me bitter and petty for not letting my son go to school with his brother and filed the paperwork which is okay with me, we're now following our court order to the dot because my bd didn't get what he wanted. I don't understand how he thinks it's okay to get something his way when he's the one who got two girls pregnant at the same time and trying to make me deal with his consequences. Now that we're using the parent portal to communicate he's changed his tone with me completely to give himself a better image. Any advice from anybody?

 

[ceciledemarseilles]

@act456 I’m sorry that you have had to go through all of that. It sounds like a huge headache and a massive strain on you.

If his communication through the parenting portal is much better, then stick with it. That’s why these apps were created. He is now forced to think about what he is saying before firing it off. That is something that he should have been doing anyway, so hopefully it helps him to grow. It doesn’t really matter why he has improved, the end result is that it’s going to be a more stable approach to co-parenting for you.

And if he slips up, you will have it all in writing.

 

[act456]

@ceciledemarseilles Sadly he's a very manipulative and narcissistic person so what he's doing rn is just an act for the courts. He was given order to take anger management and never did and failed to come to an agreement for a coparenting class (we had to do it together) due to the location or pricing.

 

[ceciledemarseilles]

@act456 Do you have any texts showing that you tried to get the co-parenting classes and he said no?

I think the court will see that if he hasn’t upheld his end of the deal, then speaking nicely on the portal won’t change the fact he isn’t doing what he is supposed to.

Make sure your communication is correct on the portal - remove the emotion from your replies. Don’t use loaded statements. Take your time to word your replies correctly.

From your post, putting the child into kindergarten in your district seems to be what is required in your CO. What is going to court going to achieve from his POV, “Your honor, my Ex needs to be punished because she follows the court order!”

Is there any reason why the court would see fit to change primary household? (I’m a bit dumb when it comes to US legal terms, does this mean he lives with you and visitation for BD, or is it just a statement that one parent needs to make the decisions about school and you won the lottery?)

 

[act456]

@ceciledemarseilles Yes I would just have to dig them up from December.

And no there's literally no reason for it to be changed, he's trying to get it changed because he has another son in a different school who will more likely be getting out at the same time

 

[ceciledemarseilles]

@act456 Well I can understand how that will benefit him. But it isn’t like that’s something that has changed since the CO was created. And it isn’t your fault that this is the case either.

Maybe see if you can send a message through the parent portal to try and get to the co-parent class. Maybe he might put a bit of extra effort in to keep up the appearances. In which case all three of you might benefit. If he doesn’t, well it’s in writing. Just be neutral when you suggest it, like “hey, we couldn’t agree earlier on the coparent class, but maybe we can now? Here are the ones I’ve researched that are equal distance from both of us.” It will show the court that you are at least attempting to work with him? I don’t know though because I’m not from the US.

I hope this works out for you.

 

[act456]

@ceciledemarseilles Yes I definitely will thank you for the advice